Fic: Untitled WIP

[chaps1870]

wip_amnesty is the place where all WIP's go to die, once and for all. Sooooo, I'm purging this one because I gave up on it and I will never, ever finish it.


Title: Lost and Alone WIP
Author: chaps1870
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG
Pairing: The plan was McKay/Beckett
Summary: Post Trinity, Rodney is ostracized after Duranda.
Disclaimer: Not mine
Word count: 4600 and that is all there will ever be.
Author’s notes: I wrote this ages ago and finally just gave up on it. Too many people were doing much the same thing and I couldn’t justify finishing it. Well, that and I ended up incorporating some of the ideas into another story were it worked better. Not beta'd so my apologies.



Hurrying down the hall, Rodney’s footsteps faltered when he glanced up and saw Carson heading towards him. He debated turning back in the direction he’d come but that would only cause Carson to question his actions and it was just easier to make excuses rather than go into the whys. Certainly less painful.

“Rodney, I was hoping we could talk,” said Carson, sounding way too serious for McKay’s comfort.

He stuttered a quick reply, his hands dancing nervously in time with his voice as he lengthened his stride to get away. “I’m busy right now.” Breezing by Carson without a pause, he glanced over his shoulder and added, “Maybe later.”

“Aye,” answered the doctor softly, his shoulders slumped and his head dropped in frustration. His voice drifted off, “Later.”

The brief emotions that passed over Carson’s features were almost enough to stop Rodney, but his fear was strong enough to keep him moving away. Ever since Arcturus, everyone had made it painfully clear that he’d fucked up and even after his apologies, few were willing to forgive. Dr. Weir had publicly chastised him for his actions, Zelenka barely spoke to him and John…well, John hadn’t spoken to him since their conversation in the transporter. He’d lost the friends he thought he’d made and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing Carson too. Rather than allow him the chance to voice his regrets, Rodney carefully avoided him when he could and hastily retreated when he couldn’t.

They all made it easy for him to avoid the stares and whispers. He spent his days doing repairs in the deeper sections of the city, wandering to his room in the late hours when others were already in bed. Leaving early, with only a brief appearance in the labs, he worked alone, spent his days…alone. If it weren’t for the occasional question on his radio, it would have been easy to forget he existed at all.

It was more comfortable for everyone if he stayed out of sight, out of mind. Not that he cared, not really. He was used to it, or at least he thought he was. As more days passed and no one made any attempt to pull him back, he realized that maybe the friendships he’d made in the past year were just an illusion. Trudging through the bowels of Atlantis it hit him hard that maybe he’d been kidding himself believing he actually had any friends at all. A moment of self pity was quickly replaced by time tested safety mechanisms, but the wall came up slowly, almost hesitantly and not as solid as it had in the past.

Rodney’s steps faltered and the sadness still lurked in a small corner of his being. Squaring his shoulders, his steps took him to a section of the city damaged months ago in the Wraith attacks. He could do this, he could forget that those he called friends had cast him aside with no more regard to his feelings than a common stranger. They would call him when they needed him again, they always did. Next time he would know it had nothing to do with him, but only with what he could offer.

Entering the recycling center, he made a beeline for the most damaged areas, navigating his way through the wreckage to get to the control panels. Wiggling under the panel, he removed the access door to get to the crystals hoping they at least hadn’t been damaged. Rodney worked for over an hour, removing one crystal after another, peering at them closely to make sure there was no blackening or minute cracking that would affect their performance.

About to finish, he returned the crystal he was presently inspecting to the crystal matrix. It sparked, sending a jolt of electricity through his fingers and up his arm. Startled, Rodney jerked away, scrambling from under the panel to get away. Stumbling in the debris he was caught off balance and his shoulder made contact with the twisted support beams. A loud ominous creak of metal on metal caught his attention and he looked up at the source. Eyes widening in fear and surprise, he tried to react but it wasn’t fast enough. With only seconds he didn’t have time to clear the wreckage before it all came down on top of him, sending him into darkness.

*********

It was noonish when Colonel Sheppard entered the mess hall. Grabbing a tray of food his eyes searched the tables for a familiar face. Spotting Carson eating alone and looking distracted he wandered over and sat without asking. “Hey, Doc.”

Carson blinked, surprised to find he had company, “Colonel.”

Sheppard waved his fork at the doctor, “You look lost somewhere.”

Shrugging, Carson picked at his food, “Just thinking.”

“You want to talk about it,” asked John, wondering what had Carson looking so forlorn.

Carson’s eyes narrowed and took on a hardness, before he dropped his head and concentrated on his plate, “I doubt you’d be very sympathetic, Colonel. It concerns Rodney.”

“What about him?” There was no masking the tinge of irritation that speaking about the scientist brought out, but there was also a small amount of concern there.

Hesitating, Carson finally responded, “I’m worried about him. He’s working too much, eating too little and sleeping less and I’m the only one that seems to give a damn and he won’t give me the time of day.”

Sheppard frowned, “That’s just McKay pouting. He’s fine. You know how he gets caught up in his work.” He went back to eating.

Shaking his head, part disbelief, part anger, Carson huffed at the Colonel, “I thought you were his friend.”

“I was…I am.” John lifted his head, his eyes unwavering as he stared at the doctor, “He used our friendship to get what he wanted. That is going to take some time to get over.”

“Do you really think he set out to manipulate you, Colonel? I know Rodney, so do you. Everyone goes to him when they want answers and he’s always come through hasn’t he. Do you think this was any different? I think Rodney honestly felt he could fix the weapon, make it work for him.”

John snorted, refusing to admit there was any validity to Carson’s statement. “That was his ego speaking. He can’t admit he doesn’t know it all.”

Carson’s features softened and he said quietly, “Perhaps if he didn’t know it all this wouldn’t be so hard on him. Did you know you would wake the Wraith when you stormed their ship? If you had, would it have stopped you?”

“I had to get my men out, it’s what I do,” answered Sheppard, puzzled somewhat by Carson’s approach.

“And how is Rodney any different. He was doing his job. Isn’t that why we came to this galaxy, to discover new technology?” Carson shook his head, “Everyone is so used to him fixing things that the one time he fails they treat him as if he did it on purpose.”

Duly chastised, John sighed in resignation, “Okay, you made your point, but why won’t he talk to you. I thought you two had…” John blushed, realizing what he was about to say. “Sorry.”

Waving off the embarrassed look, Carson pushed his plate away looking wearier than he had. “Don’t be. I’m sure it’s obvious to those that care to notice but it’s not what you think. For now, we are only friends. Every time I try to talk to him, he makes excuses and won’t let me get a word in edgewise. If I were a betting man I’d think he was afraid.”

John’s eyebrow raised questioningly, “Afraid?”

“Aye.” Carson lifted his head, his eyes distant as he answered, “Afraid of losing another friend.”

************

Waking up was painful and Rodney would have willingly given it up for the blissful peace of unconsciousness. Unfortunately he was in just enough agony to waken him fully and any chance of returning to oblivion was deemed null and void by his present predicament. Slowly opening his eyes, he blinked several times to bring the room into focus but the lights had been lost in…in what? It took him several more moments to sort through his memories before he remembered the crash of heavy and unforgiving metal.

Now, pinned under the debris, he assessed his situation. His head was clearing but the pain remained, making it difficult to move or even want to. With no light, he had no idea how badly he was trapped.

Each attempt to free himself only brought more pain but he managed to pull one of his arms out from where it had been wedged under his chest. Using it for leverage he tried to lift the heavy weight off his back and legs, but there was no give and all he got for his efforts was more sweat and pain. The metal refused to relinquish him from its grasp. He slumped to the floor, exhausted and hurting, only to realize that he wasn’t going to free himself without help.

Reaching for his earpiece and finding it missing, he panicked. Reaching out blindly, his fingers scoured the floor as far as he could reach, desperate for the missing radio. His breath came in quick gasps, the dark and pain only adding to his anxiety. Stretching to his limits, he tried for more reach but the metal held him firmly and all his efforts were in vain. The weight on his back and the pressure on his legs made it impossible to do more than tense his muscles. After several minutes of frantic searching, he had to give up, his strength waning and his vision graying out. He gave into it and let himself drift. As the darkness encroached he wondered if anyone would even care if he was missing.

****

That evening John stormed the labs looking for McKay only to find Zelenka working alone. His eyes darted around the room, “Where’s McKay?”

With barely a glance from his computer, Zelenka snapped back, “I am not his keeper.”

“Well have you seen him today?”

“I have not seen him since this morning. He does not say what his schedule is and I do not ask.”

“Still pissed at him, I see,” joked Sheppard.

Radek finally looked up from his work. Pushing up his glasses, he shrugged. “I understand why he did what he did. Perhaps I might have done the same if I had the foresight he does. I do not know. I think that he should have considered my warnings rather then steamroll ahead as he is so fond of doing.”

John’s face mirrored his surprise, “You are the second person that has told me that.” He stepped further into the lab. “I know McKay’s smart but he is really that much smarter? I know you keep up with him.”

“I keep up, yes, but is not the same.” He paused, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “McKay is genius, but he also knows how to apply what he knows. I have never met anyone who can pick up on something as quickly as he does and go with it. It is why he gets so angry with others. His brain is working so fast he cannot fathom why others do not understand as he does.” Radek looked a Sheppard and smiled, “And if you tell him I said so I will be forced to make your life miserable.”

Smiling first, John asked seriously. “So was it his ego that got him in trouble on Arcturus?”

Radek shrugged, “Yes, but he does not see it that way. He honestly believed he could make that weapon work. To me it is ego, to him it is confidence in his abilities. Rodney is too smart sometimes and does not see his limitations or that he has any.” Speaking about the incident brought some of it into perspective for the scientist and Radek realized that he was defending McKay’s actions, trying to find some justification for why Rodney had disregarded his warnings about the weapon.

It was true, Rodney was an egotistical and arrogant bastard a good deal of the time, but he was also right more often than not. Radek wasn’t angry that Rodney had pushed ahead with the experiment, he was angry because Rodney had insulted his intelligence and completely ignored his advice as if his opinions were meaningless and inconsequential. Then too, he had apologized for it. That in and of itself was a rare thing for Rodney and yet, Radek had thrown it back at him, choosing instead to let the man wallow in misery over his failings.

It seemed that he wasn’t the only one having second thoughts about Rodney. John too, was beginning to see that maybe he’d treated his friend a little harshly and was feeling guilty enough to want to find him and apologize. He headed towards the door, calling over his shoulder, “If you see him, tell him I’m looking for him.”

Colonel Sheppard headed toward the mess hall to look for McKay but all thoughts of finding him were forgotten when he was called away to settle a dispute among his men.

*********

Rodney had no idea what time it was when he woke again, but it had to be much later in the day. His stomach felt empty and slightly nauseous but that could be from his injuries rather than lack of food. Lifting his hand he tried to read his watch but with only one hand he couldn’t press the button to light up the face. For some reason it was important to know how long he’d been trapped and he brought the watch to his mouth and felt for the buttons with his tongue. Finding the right on, he used his teeth to turn the light on. Pulling his hand back, he stared at the time, shocked to find it is was ten o’clock at night.

No wonder he felt sick. He hadn’t eaten all day. More disturbing was the fact that no one seemed to have noticed his absence. Not that he expected them too, but some small part of him had hoped that someone might care enough to come looking.

Carson maybe. No one else had even given him a second thought for the past week. He wished Carson was here to take him away from the pain that plagued him. Maybe stroke his arm in that soothing touch thing he did so well. Over the last week he found he missed Carson more than he thought possible. Before the accident, they’d finally moved forward in their relationship. It had gone from a simple friendship to something more. The touches weren’t so casual and the looks were less fleeting when they were able to spend time alone. It had all come to a screeching halt after Arcturus. Maybe he’d been unfair in shutting Carson out, but he really couldn’t face losing him as he had everyone else.

Now he was faced with never seeing him again. Rodney was under no illusion that things were in his favor. With no idea how badly he was hurt, he knew it couldn’t be good. His whole body ached, but the pain in his leg was the worst. It burned at the slightest movement and he could feel the trickle of blood as it traced over his skin, dripping to the floor or soaking into his pants. It was impossible to tell in the dark and his arm wasn’t long enough to feel how badly the damage was. He was going to bleed to death…alone and without anyone the wiser.

His eyes fluttered shut, low blood sugar and blood loss making him sleepy. He knew he should stay awake but he let himself drift once more, taking comfort in the relief it offered. Dreams replaced the pain and even in sleep a small smile graced his face as Carson sat with him, teasing and talking as if the last week had never happened.

*********

Carson sat in the briefing room, his eyes darting to the door nervously each time someone entered. Colonel Sheppard joined him, then Dr. Weir and finally Radek, and still no Rodney. He looked around the room at the others, “Has anyone seen Rodney?”

They all shook their heads in unison, but noting Beckett’s anxious look, Dr. Weir questioned him, “What is it Carson?”

“I have not seen him since yesterday. Even when he is avoiding me, I still manage to spot him here and there.”

Radek explained Rodney had been working on the recycling system but he didn’t always check in before going to work. He could have forgotten about the meeting.

She wasn’t duly concerned, knowing Rodney was keeping a low profile these days. Reaching for her earpiece, she called, “Dr. McKay?”

When no answer came, they all sat a little straighter, unconsciously leaning forward to catch the conversation that didn’t come. Elizabeth tried again, “Dr. McKay, please answer.”

Still nothing. Seeing the looks around her change to concern, she tried to reassure them, “Maybe he’s sleeping. Let’s check the obvious places before we raise the alarm.”

John was on his feet, “I’ll check his room. Carson, you take the messhall. Radek, you check the labs.”

They all hurried from the room only to return a short while later, gathering in the control room as Zelenka worked the sensors. His hands worked over the controls, shaking slightly as he fine tuned the system to search for the missing scientist. Zeroing in on the recycling room they all stared at the single red dot. “He is there,” said Radek. His eyebrows furrowed, “Why doesn’t he answer his radio?”

Carson frowned and said quietly, “Maybe he can’t.”

John reacted immediately, “Okay, I’m gonna gear up. Carson, grab what you need and meet me in transporter 6.”

“Aye. Give me five minutes.” said Carson quickly.

“I’ll give you ten.” And then he was gone.

********

When Rodney finally woke up, he was shaking and cold. Sometime in the night he must have been sick and his cheek rested in the mess. The smell was enough to make him gag, but all he managed were a few dry heaves. He wasn’t lucid enough to really care, other than it hurt enough to send him back into dreamland. It was good there. Happy and peaceful…and Carson was there, being nice to him. He stopped fighting and let the darkness claim him.

He didn’t hear the sound of voices or see the beam of lights that searched the room. Nor did he hear the gasps of horror as all the eyes focused on the scrap of metal and the sight of him poking out from under its tangled mass. In his dream, Carson was stroking his arm, soothing away the pain.

Mumbling, Rodney’s speech was slurred and heavy, the effort to talk obvious. His own reality shifting from the chaos around him as they worked to free him. “No one cared… never knew I was gone…tired…so tired.”

Carson sat as close as he could, taking vitals and pushing those around him to work faster as he inserted an IV into Rodney’s free arm, pumping him with fluids. His pulse was weak and his worried looks spurred everyone into action. Sheppard called for more help and within an hour they’d removed enough metal to get to the injured man.

Turning to his men he gave the order, “Okay, let’s see if we can get the rest of this off of him. Carson, when we lift you pull him out.”

Nodding, Carson handed the IV bag off to one of his staff and gently reached under the one arm he could get to for a firmer grip on his friend. Rodney moaned but didn’t wake.

Leaning as close as he could, Carson whispered, “Shh luv, we’ll have you out of there soon.”

Rodney’s hand reached out in his sleep and grabbed the arm the gripped him, taking comfort in the touch. It lasted only mere seconds as the sound of creaking metal was interrupted by the scientist’s screams. Wide awake and panting against the pain, Rodney was sweating heavily as they eased their burden back to its original position, fearful of hurting McKay any worse than he already was. Eyes clenched tight, Rodney hissed between gritted teeth, “Don’t…do that…again.”

Carson bent over him, rubbing the exposed arm as he tried to calm his friend, “We have to get you out. Where are you hurting?” His own voice reflecting his anguish at Rodney’s suffering.

Scrabbling for some purchased, Rodney’s fingers latched onto Carson’s pant leg and held it tightly in his fist as he whispered, “Leg… Oh god, Carson… it hurts.”

“I know, but we have to get you out. I’ll give you some morphine, but I don’t want to mask the pain too much. I need to know what you are feeling so we don’t do more damage than good.”

It was then that Sheppard caught his eye from where he lay stretched close to the wreckage trying to determine what had caused Rodney so much pain. Patting Rodney’s arm, Carson tried to reassure him before stepping away to speak with the Colonel. His staff moved in to administer drugs to Rodney and Zelenka had taken the Colonel’s place under the debris. Radek wiggled out as Carson asked, “What is it?” His eyes darted between the two men as he waited for an answer.

John winced while Radek explained, “There is a rod through his leg. When they lifted, it moved as well.” The scientist reached out and rested a hand on Carson’s arm. He added softly, “There is a lot of blood, Carson. He has been here a long time.”

Carson paled, and only steeling himself professionally kept him from falling as his knees began to buckle. The thought of Rodney being pinned under the weight of all that metal since yesterday was making it hard for him to catch his breath.

Rodney had been alone, wondering if and when someone would even find him. In light of recent events, he probably thought he would die alone without anyone ever caring whether he lived or died. Looking up into the eyes of Radek and the Colonel, it seemed the very same thing had occurred to them.

Taking a deep breath, Carson made the decision, “Normally I wouldn’t remove the rod but considering the amount of blood he’s lost, I think we need to get him out as soon as possible. The morphine should help with the pain.” Carson looked at the men standing around waiting for orders and then at the Colonel, “Can they lift it high enough to clear his leg?”

Glancing at the soldiers, several that overheard the conversation nodded the affirmative and John answered, “They can do it, Doc. You just let us know when you’re ready.”

Returning to kneel by Rodney, Carson detailed what they were going to do. Rodney’s ghostly skin paled and his voice was weak, barely audible as he pleaded, “Leave me alone…Please…doesn’t matter...”

Tears gathered in the corners of Carson’s eyes at the despair and utter desolation in Rodney’s voice. He did his best not to mirror the feelings as he shifted closer, reaching under Rodney to get a good hold on him. “I’m not leaving you. Not now, not ever.” Carson’s lips brushed Rodney’s cheek as he whispered softly, “Let’s get you out of here then.”

Rodney groaned and closed his eyes tight, biting his lip to keep from screaming. Carson nodded to Sheppard, noticing that Radek was on his hands and knees peering under the wreckage intently. The Colonel gave the command and Rodney stiffened, his muscles trembling under the intensity of pain. A low moan escaped his lips, drawing blood as he bit down in an effort to stay quiet.

Carson’s hands shook as he watched the agonizing pain flash across Rodney’s face and traverse like waves through his spasming muscles. His heart ached, and Carson blinked back tears even as Rodney went limp in his arms, sparing him any more pain. Radek shouted, drawing him back, “It’s clear!”

Sheppard shouted from close by, “Get him out, Carson.”

He pulled with all his strength, dragging Rodney clear of the twisted metal and lowering him gently to the floor, as Dr. Masong applied pressure to the wound on his leg. He held Rodney’s head in his lap for only a few seconds before he snapped back and took control of his care. The trail of blood from the debris to where Rodney now lay shocked him into action. “We need to get him to the infirmary. Keep pressure on that as best you can. We don’t have time to mess with anything else. His pressure is too low and I don’t want to lose him now.”

Everyone moved quickly and efficiently and in no time at all Rodney was being rushed into surgery to repair the damage to his leg. Carson bowed out of the surgery, letting the vascular surgeon take over. It was not time to play the hero and he trusted his staff enough to pass Rodney into their care. With nothing else to do, he dropped into the closest chair and buried his head in his hands, hiding the tears that came unbidden.

A hand dropped to his shoulder and he looked up to find Radek, Elizabeth and John hovering close by. Dr. Zelenka asked, “How is he?”

“Leaving that rod in his leg kept him from bleeding out, but he still lost a lot of blood. That and his blood sugar was dangerously low. I don’t think he’d have made it much longer,” sighed Carson, crossing his arms to his chest to hide the trembling. Just speaking of Rodney made him realize how very close they’d come to losing him. If it hadn’t been for the morning meeting the scientist could have gone on missing and no one would have questioned it. There was something terribly wrong about that.

John asked hesitantly, his own conscious weighing a little heavier today, “Will he be okay?”

Shrugging noncommittally, Carson replied, his voice close to breaking, “I don’t know.”

Patting his shoulder reassuringly, not only to Carson but to himself, Radek spoke softly, “He will be fine. He is too stubborn to do otherwise.”

“Is he?” Carson’s response was quiet, barely whispered.

Elizabeth frowned, “Carson, what do you mean by that?”

When the doctor looked up, he’d lost the sadness of earlier and seemed irritated, “Do you know what he said to me?” He wasn’t expecting an answer and judging by their questioning looks they had none. Carson continued, his eyes growing more distant as his voice lowered, “He said it didn’t matter if we got him out of there. No one cared that he was even gone.” His eyes darted to each of them and added, “Haven’t we all made mistakes. I know I have. I was the only one that made any attempt to even talk to the man for the last week and he wouldn’t let me near him. Do you know why? He was terrified that I’d turn away from him too. You call yourselves his friends, but you know what, friends don’t abandon each other. Do you think this has been easy on him? He lost one of his own team members and yet all you can think of is how he betrayed you.”

Red faced, Carson realized his outburst was uncharacteristic and the stunned looks on Elizabeth, John and Radek’s faces confirmed it. He dropped his head, “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for …I…I’ll just…go.” Turning, he headed back into the infirmary but stopped and looked back at them, “I’m…sorry.”


Never to be continued...bwhahahahahaha. I feel so much better now!!!!!!!!!!!