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Title: Unspoken Part 13
Author: Chaps1870
Pairing: Rodney/Carson
Rating: R for language
Summary: John finds out that Rodney is gay and it tests the bonds of friendship.
Disclaimer: They belong to someone else, I’ll return them when I’m done….maybe. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Chapter 13
Entering the infirmary, Doctor Weir found things much quieter than expected. Rodney’s collapse upon exiting the Stargate had the Medical staff hopping and to see him settled in a bed sleeping was surely a good sign. Doctor Beckett was hovering around the bed fiddling with the IV when he caught sight of her. He tried ignoring her presence even as she stood at the end of Rodney’s bed, her arms crossed as she watched him.
“Major Sheppard told me what happened.”
Carson lifted his head and looked her in the eye, “I’ll not apologize for hittin’ him.”
Elizabeth countered, “I didn’t expect you would.” He looked at her in surprise, then she added, “However, I cannot have two of my senior officers fighting in the Gateroom where every one is privy to it. I suggest you find some place private the next time you have private matters to discuss.”
“Aye. I’m sorry. I wasna thinkin’ too clearly at the time.”
“Understood. How is he doing?” asked Elizabeth, nodding towards the bed. Rodney lay on his stomach, the sheet covering all but his head. Even as he slept, he looked exhausted.
“He’ll be alright. Beyond the obvious bruising and damage to his back, he was suffering from low blood sugar and dehydration. His wrist has some ligament damage, but it’ll heal with rest. He’s goin’ to be sore when he wakes, but whatever is in the medicine the Kinoban’s sent, seems to have given him a good start on healing. Saved him a several days of healin’ by the looks of it. I’ve got the lab people analyzing it.”
“Would it be something to trade for, you think?”
“Teyla said that the Kinoban leader suggested another treatment, but when I mentioned it to Rodney, he mumbled something about battery acid and refused to allow it near him.” Seeing her puzzled look, he explained, “I guess it has quite a sting to it. If we can find out how it works we may be able to remedy that problem. It’s way too early to tell.”
“Let me know what you find out.”
“I’ll do that.”
Elizabeth hesitated, “I’ve debriefed the team, Carson. They are all worried about him. They want to see him.”
Carson shook his head, “He doesn’t want to see them. Not that I blame him. I’ve only gotten bits of it and I didn’t like what I was hearin.”
“You’ll get their reports when I do.” She stopped, dropping her hand on his forearm as she continued, “You may not like what you read, Carson. Please try to remember that as difficult as the mission was for Rodney, they were as much the victim as he was. The Kinoban’s placed them all in a situation under which they had no control. Their most personal thoughts were stolen and used against them under the guise that it was for the team. Even the Kinoban’s realized the mistake they’d made.”
“Too bad Rodney is the only one that paid the price for their ignorance.”
Shaking her head, Elizabeth said quietly, “He wasn’t the only one that suffered, Carson. Maybe physically, yes, but the others must also come to terms with what happened to him and more importantly, why. They feel badly and wish to somehow make amends with him. They’ve all stated rather strongly that they wish for him to remain on the team.”
Carson leaned over Rodney to fiddle with the sheet. “Major Sheppard?”
Elizabeth nodded her head, “Especially him. He’s been sitting outside waiting to hear something.”
Rubbing at the scruff on his face, Carson sighed, “Physically, he’ll be fine, nothing that a lot of rest won’t fix.”
“Do you think he’ll go back to the team?”
“It’s hard to say with Rodney. He doesn’t place his trust very easily. Despite his rough exterior, he takes things like friendship very seriously. I know that being a part of the team meant more than anything to him, not that he’d admit that. I see him throwin’ himself into his work to keep from showing how badly he’s been hurt.”
Elizabeth nodded knowingly, “You’ll keep me updated?”
“Aye. It’ll be awhile before he wakes. He needs sleep.”
“At least if he’s sleeping you won’t have to work so hard to keep him here,” said Elizabeth as she prepared to leave.
“That’s true. He’ll be up soon enough complainin’.”
“I’ll come by later.” Stopping at the door, she spoke tentatively, “I’ll let John and the others know how he’s doing.”
Carson nodded, but refused to comment, instead turning his attention back to Rodney. He’d had no time to talk or even spend time with him since his arrival. By the time his injuries were taken care of, Rodney was already falling asleep with the drugs that were administered. He’d stayed awake only long enough to tell them he didn’t want any visitors. His meaning was quite clear…he didn’t want to see his teammates.
Not that Carson blamed him. At the moment he wanted nothing to do with them either. Even with Elizabeth’s diplomatic musings, he wasn’t inclined to forgive them just yet. He wanted so badly to speak to Rodney, find out what really happened and how he was dealing with it. Judging by the cold looks Rodney gave the doctors and nurses when as they tended his injuries, Carson had his work cut out for him.
*******
John was still sitting outside the infirmary when Aiden came by, “Major.”
“Lieutenant,” responded Sheppard, not looking up from where he slumped in a chair.
“I brought you something to eat. Thought you might be getting hungry.”
Sitting up, John took the offered tray, but set it aside, not particularly hungry. “Thanks.”
Aiden sat down and looking at the door, asked, “Any word?”
The major shrugged, “He’s sleeping. No point in you sticking around.”
The young lieutenant crossed his arms and settled deeper into his chair. John eyed the soldier, about to comment when Teyla showed up, bearing another tray of food. She glanced at the one near Major Sheppard and said sheepishly, “I thought you should eat.”
“It’s alright, Teyla. Just set it down.” John motioned to an empty chair, “You might as well join us too.”
“How is he doing?”
“Sleeping at the moment. Carson won’t let us in.” Pausing, he added, grimly, “He doesn’t want to see us.”
Teyla replied, “That is not unexpected.”
“Why are we stayin’ here if we can’t see him?” asked Ford.
It was Teyla that responded, “Do you have anything better to do?”
Ford slid further into his chair in resignation, “Nope.”
They sat for several hours, until Sheppard ordered them both to get some rest, promising to do the same. He never mentioned that he planned on resting right where he was. He had no intention of leaving until he could get in to see McKay and if that meant camping out until Carson lowered his guard, he could do that.
*******
Carson woke with a start, almost falling out of the chair he’d chosen to drift off in. Lifting a hand to rub the soreness in his neck, he found himself covered with a blanket, probably placed there by one of his staff. No one dared suggest he leave to get some sleep, they simply worked around him.
Rising slowly, stretching to relieve the kinks in his back, Carson found Rodney’s blue eyes staring up at him. Reaching out, he gently ran his fingers through the scientist’s sleep tossled hair then leaned over him and very gently kissed his temple. “You don’t do anything by halves do you, luv?”
“How…long?” Rodney ended up coughing, his throat dry after sleeping so long.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Carson helped him drink, difficult with Rodney lying on his stomach. “About twelve hours.”
His eyelids fluttering, Rodney said groggily, “When can I leave?”
Carson stroked his cheek lightly, “Not just yet. I’ve lowered the dosage on the drugs a bit and I want to see you get some more sleep first. Then we’ll see how you’re doin’.”
Trying to answer, but too tired, Rodney gave up. He opened his eyes briefly and lifted his fingers. Reaching for them, Carson carefully entwined them with his own, watching as Rodney clasped them, sigh and fall back to sleep.
Carson sat for almost an hour before deciding that if Rodney was going to be released then he was going to have to do some quick cleaning. He considered making him stay with him in his room, but Rodney was territorial, and would feel more comfortable in his own room. Unfortunately, Rodney wasn’t much of a housekeeper and if Carson was going to be playing nursemaid, he couldn’t do it with Rodney’s room as it was. An hour to pick up, grab a shower and a quick change of clothes he could be back before Rodney woke up again.
Carson was so tired when he finally left he failed to notice the three individuals sitting off to one side of the waiting area, nor did he see them slip into the infirmary as he trudged down the hall. Teyla, Ford and Sheppard moved warily to McKay’s bedside, peering around curtains to make sure they’d come in unseen. Very quietly, they eased around the bed, hoping to see their teammate awake. John stood at the end of the bed and gently nudged McKay’s foot, saying quietly. “Hey Rodney, wake up. We need to talk to you.”
Rodney came awake but stayed motionless, his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. He steadied his breathing to simulate sleep, but couldn’t still his heart as it pounded in his chest. The last thing he wanted was to talk, especially to his ‘teammates’.
Teyla stepped closer to the bed, eyeing McKay suspiciously. She spoke to Sheppard, “I believe he is awake, Major.” She turned her attention back to Rodney, “I understand your reluctance to speak to us, but we only wish to ask your forgiveness. We were very wrong in our estimation of you. I myself realize that I’ve disregarded your feelings and your worth not only to the team but as a friend, for that I am sorry.”
Ford piped in, “I’m sorry too, Doc. I guess I didn’t think too much about someone not wanting to be a soldier. Figured everyone would jump at the chance to do all the cool stuff we get to do. I’m sorry if I didn’t see that you were only doing it to fit in.”
Lying in the bed, Rodney resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Ford’s naïve enthusiasm. It was so Ford. Even now, after all he’d been through, they still didn’t understand, but it was too hard to think beyond that at the moment. He didn’t want to have a discussion about how bad they felt, or how sorry they were, because at the moment it really didn’t matter anymore. The sting in his back grew worse as the pain meds wore off, and it was getting harder to feign sleep.
There was an uncomfortable silence around him followed by the rustle of clothes and retreating feet. Rodney dared to open his eye a fraction to make sure they were gone. He should have known better.
Sheppard’s voice startled him, “I knew you were faking it.” When Rodney didn’t move or acknowledge him, John sighed in frustration, “Come on, Rodney, ignoring this isn’t going to make it go away. We need to talk.”
Rodney lifted his head a bit and opening his eyes, glared at the major, “No we don’t. If I ignore you I was hoping you’d take the hint and go away.” Dropping his head back to his pillow, Rodney rubbed away some of the sweat that dotted his face. “What part of I don’t want to see you didn’t you understand? Perhaps I should use smaller words even you can understand.”
Wincing at McKay’s acid tongue, John shrugged, “I see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
Despite the pain of moving, Rodney got a hand under him and half sat up. “Who’s joking? I don’t want you here. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to examine my inner self with you. I want you to leave, Major. Is that simple enough for you?”
“Yeah, I got it.” He gave McKay a final glance, his concern overshadowing his hurt. You want something for the pain before I leave? I can get one of the doctors.”
Rodney didn’t answer. He sank to the bed and turned his head away from Sheppard, burying his hands under his pillow to hide the shaking. John started to leave, but hesitated. Walking the few steps back to Rodney’s bed he said softly, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry…for everything.”
John left him alone, feeling no better now than he had before. He’d hoped that Rodney would give him a chance to explain, but the stubborn scientist was just that…stubborn. Not that it wasn’t justified. Sheppard still held out hope that maybe he could fix things between them, but this latest meeting was anything but encouraging.
Lost in thought, he exited the infirmary only to run into Carson…literally. Knocking them both back several feet as they tried to keep their balance, John grabbed for the doctor, only to have his hands harshly pushed away. He cautiously backed away at the scowl on Beckett’s face, “You’re not going to hit me are you?”
“What were you doing in there? I thought you were told he didn’t want to see you. Do ya care so little about what he wants?”
John had the sense to look contrite. Carson was glaring at him with clenched fists and John backed away another step, not really afraid, but unwilling to put himself in range, just in case. “I just wanted to explain.” He hung his head slightly, “If it’s any consolation, he wasn’t too responsive to the whole idea.”
“Can ya blame him?” snapped Beckett. He turned to enter the infirmary when Sheppard clasped his arm, stopping him from entering.
“Look I know you’re pissed at me…”
Carson jerked out his grasp, and slammed him against the wall, holding him tightly with his fists in his shirt. Sheppard swallowed hard, pressing himself into the wall as Carson got in his face. “Pissed, Major? Oh, I’m a lot more than that.” Carson was breathing hard, his anger at the Sheppard making him see red. He pulled back his arm ready to strike but seeing the Major close his eyes tightly and try to duck brought him to his senses. He surprised them both when he released Sheppard and let him go. Still shaking, he sat in one of the chairs and buried his head in his hands.
John stayed standing, keeping his distance from the angry Scot. “I’m sorry, Carson. I really am. How was I to know the Kinoban’s were gonna pick my brain? It’s not like I set out to hurt him like that.”
Carson spared him a sideways glance, his eyes still furiously dark. “That’s a bloody lie and you know it, Major. Ever since you found out he was gay, you’ve wanted nothin’ more to do with him. Ya don’t think that was hurting him? He actually thought you were his friend. For three months ya went out of your way to avoid him. He’s a good man, Major and doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. Not by you or anybody else.”
Sliding down the wall, John sat, his hands rubbing the back of his neck as he sighed, “It wasn’t about McKay.”
“You’re not makin’ sense. You treat him like crap than try to tell me it isn’t about him,” scoffed Carson, eyeing Sheppard suspiciously.
Looking at Beckett, John shrugged sadly, “I didn’t know. Not really. Not until Pojan made me think about it, made me face it.”
“Face what, Major?” snapped Carson. “How does beating Rodney make YOU see where you messed up?”
John up looked at Carson, but averted his gaze by dropping his head. With a sigh of resignation, he slowly began telling Carson all about his past and how he’d let it interfere with his and Rodney’s friendship. Carson listened, asking an occasional question. By the time he was done, John was rung out and Carson had a new understanding of the whole situation. Not that what he did to Rodney was justified, it wasn’t, but given the circumstances, Carson found his anger fading. Sometimes he hated being so sensitive to others, it made it harder to hate someone and he really wanted someone to blame for Rodney’s treatment. Oh, he still blamed Major Sheppard, but he couldn’t hate him.
Standing, Carson walked towards the infirmary door, peering inside. There was no chance of seeing Rodney, but he looked anyway. Recalling the injuries Rodney had suffered he spoke a little more curtly than was necessary as he glanced back at Sheppard. “I’m not the one you should be telling this too,”
Getting to his feet, John said with frustration. “I tried to talk to him. He kicked me out.”
“I’m sorry, Major, but I’ll not go against Rodney’s wishes. If he doesn’t want to see you than I have to respect that.” John’s shoulders slumped. Carson turned away, returning to the infirmary. He wasn’t ready to forgive Sheppard, not yet.
Author: Chaps1870
Pairing: Rodney/Carson
Rating: R for language
Summary: John finds out that Rodney is gay and it tests the bonds of friendship.
Disclaimer: They belong to someone else, I’ll return them when I’m done….maybe. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Chapter 13
Entering the infirmary, Doctor Weir found things much quieter than expected. Rodney’s collapse upon exiting the Stargate had the Medical staff hopping and to see him settled in a bed sleeping was surely a good sign. Doctor Beckett was hovering around the bed fiddling with the IV when he caught sight of her. He tried ignoring her presence even as she stood at the end of Rodney’s bed, her arms crossed as she watched him.
“Major Sheppard told me what happened.”
Carson lifted his head and looked her in the eye, “I’ll not apologize for hittin’ him.”
Elizabeth countered, “I didn’t expect you would.” He looked at her in surprise, then she added, “However, I cannot have two of my senior officers fighting in the Gateroom where every one is privy to it. I suggest you find some place private the next time you have private matters to discuss.”
“Aye. I’m sorry. I wasna thinkin’ too clearly at the time.”
“Understood. How is he doing?” asked Elizabeth, nodding towards the bed. Rodney lay on his stomach, the sheet covering all but his head. Even as he slept, he looked exhausted.
“He’ll be alright. Beyond the obvious bruising and damage to his back, he was suffering from low blood sugar and dehydration. His wrist has some ligament damage, but it’ll heal with rest. He’s goin’ to be sore when he wakes, but whatever is in the medicine the Kinoban’s sent, seems to have given him a good start on healing. Saved him a several days of healin’ by the looks of it. I’ve got the lab people analyzing it.”
“Would it be something to trade for, you think?”
“Teyla said that the Kinoban leader suggested another treatment, but when I mentioned it to Rodney, he mumbled something about battery acid and refused to allow it near him.” Seeing her puzzled look, he explained, “I guess it has quite a sting to it. If we can find out how it works we may be able to remedy that problem. It’s way too early to tell.”
“Let me know what you find out.”
“I’ll do that.”
Elizabeth hesitated, “I’ve debriefed the team, Carson. They are all worried about him. They want to see him.”
Carson shook his head, “He doesn’t want to see them. Not that I blame him. I’ve only gotten bits of it and I didn’t like what I was hearin.”
“You’ll get their reports when I do.” She stopped, dropping her hand on his forearm as she continued, “You may not like what you read, Carson. Please try to remember that as difficult as the mission was for Rodney, they were as much the victim as he was. The Kinoban’s placed them all in a situation under which they had no control. Their most personal thoughts were stolen and used against them under the guise that it was for the team. Even the Kinoban’s realized the mistake they’d made.”
“Too bad Rodney is the only one that paid the price for their ignorance.”
Shaking her head, Elizabeth said quietly, “He wasn’t the only one that suffered, Carson. Maybe physically, yes, but the others must also come to terms with what happened to him and more importantly, why. They feel badly and wish to somehow make amends with him. They’ve all stated rather strongly that they wish for him to remain on the team.”
Carson leaned over Rodney to fiddle with the sheet. “Major Sheppard?”
Elizabeth nodded her head, “Especially him. He’s been sitting outside waiting to hear something.”
Rubbing at the scruff on his face, Carson sighed, “Physically, he’ll be fine, nothing that a lot of rest won’t fix.”
“Do you think he’ll go back to the team?”
“It’s hard to say with Rodney. He doesn’t place his trust very easily. Despite his rough exterior, he takes things like friendship very seriously. I know that being a part of the team meant more than anything to him, not that he’d admit that. I see him throwin’ himself into his work to keep from showing how badly he’s been hurt.”
Elizabeth nodded knowingly, “You’ll keep me updated?”
“Aye. It’ll be awhile before he wakes. He needs sleep.”
“At least if he’s sleeping you won’t have to work so hard to keep him here,” said Elizabeth as she prepared to leave.
“That’s true. He’ll be up soon enough complainin’.”
“I’ll come by later.” Stopping at the door, she spoke tentatively, “I’ll let John and the others know how he’s doing.”
Carson nodded, but refused to comment, instead turning his attention back to Rodney. He’d had no time to talk or even spend time with him since his arrival. By the time his injuries were taken care of, Rodney was already falling asleep with the drugs that were administered. He’d stayed awake only long enough to tell them he didn’t want any visitors. His meaning was quite clear…he didn’t want to see his teammates.
Not that Carson blamed him. At the moment he wanted nothing to do with them either. Even with Elizabeth’s diplomatic musings, he wasn’t inclined to forgive them just yet. He wanted so badly to speak to Rodney, find out what really happened and how he was dealing with it. Judging by the cold looks Rodney gave the doctors and nurses when as they tended his injuries, Carson had his work cut out for him.
*******
John was still sitting outside the infirmary when Aiden came by, “Major.”
“Lieutenant,” responded Sheppard, not looking up from where he slumped in a chair.
“I brought you something to eat. Thought you might be getting hungry.”
Sitting up, John took the offered tray, but set it aside, not particularly hungry. “Thanks.”
Aiden sat down and looking at the door, asked, “Any word?”
The major shrugged, “He’s sleeping. No point in you sticking around.”
The young lieutenant crossed his arms and settled deeper into his chair. John eyed the soldier, about to comment when Teyla showed up, bearing another tray of food. She glanced at the one near Major Sheppard and said sheepishly, “I thought you should eat.”
“It’s alright, Teyla. Just set it down.” John motioned to an empty chair, “You might as well join us too.”
“How is he doing?”
“Sleeping at the moment. Carson won’t let us in.” Pausing, he added, grimly, “He doesn’t want to see us.”
Teyla replied, “That is not unexpected.”
“Why are we stayin’ here if we can’t see him?” asked Ford.
It was Teyla that responded, “Do you have anything better to do?”
Ford slid further into his chair in resignation, “Nope.”
They sat for several hours, until Sheppard ordered them both to get some rest, promising to do the same. He never mentioned that he planned on resting right where he was. He had no intention of leaving until he could get in to see McKay and if that meant camping out until Carson lowered his guard, he could do that.
*******
Carson woke with a start, almost falling out of the chair he’d chosen to drift off in. Lifting a hand to rub the soreness in his neck, he found himself covered with a blanket, probably placed there by one of his staff. No one dared suggest he leave to get some sleep, they simply worked around him.
Rising slowly, stretching to relieve the kinks in his back, Carson found Rodney’s blue eyes staring up at him. Reaching out, he gently ran his fingers through the scientist’s sleep tossled hair then leaned over him and very gently kissed his temple. “You don’t do anything by halves do you, luv?”
“How…long?” Rodney ended up coughing, his throat dry after sleeping so long.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Carson helped him drink, difficult with Rodney lying on his stomach. “About twelve hours.”
His eyelids fluttering, Rodney said groggily, “When can I leave?”
Carson stroked his cheek lightly, “Not just yet. I’ve lowered the dosage on the drugs a bit and I want to see you get some more sleep first. Then we’ll see how you’re doin’.”
Trying to answer, but too tired, Rodney gave up. He opened his eyes briefly and lifted his fingers. Reaching for them, Carson carefully entwined them with his own, watching as Rodney clasped them, sigh and fall back to sleep.
Carson sat for almost an hour before deciding that if Rodney was going to be released then he was going to have to do some quick cleaning. He considered making him stay with him in his room, but Rodney was territorial, and would feel more comfortable in his own room. Unfortunately, Rodney wasn’t much of a housekeeper and if Carson was going to be playing nursemaid, he couldn’t do it with Rodney’s room as it was. An hour to pick up, grab a shower and a quick change of clothes he could be back before Rodney woke up again.
Carson was so tired when he finally left he failed to notice the three individuals sitting off to one side of the waiting area, nor did he see them slip into the infirmary as he trudged down the hall. Teyla, Ford and Sheppard moved warily to McKay’s bedside, peering around curtains to make sure they’d come in unseen. Very quietly, they eased around the bed, hoping to see their teammate awake. John stood at the end of the bed and gently nudged McKay’s foot, saying quietly. “Hey Rodney, wake up. We need to talk to you.”
Rodney came awake but stayed motionless, his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. He steadied his breathing to simulate sleep, but couldn’t still his heart as it pounded in his chest. The last thing he wanted was to talk, especially to his ‘teammates’.
Teyla stepped closer to the bed, eyeing McKay suspiciously. She spoke to Sheppard, “I believe he is awake, Major.” She turned her attention back to Rodney, “I understand your reluctance to speak to us, but we only wish to ask your forgiveness. We were very wrong in our estimation of you. I myself realize that I’ve disregarded your feelings and your worth not only to the team but as a friend, for that I am sorry.”
Ford piped in, “I’m sorry too, Doc. I guess I didn’t think too much about someone not wanting to be a soldier. Figured everyone would jump at the chance to do all the cool stuff we get to do. I’m sorry if I didn’t see that you were only doing it to fit in.”
Lying in the bed, Rodney resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Ford’s naïve enthusiasm. It was so Ford. Even now, after all he’d been through, they still didn’t understand, but it was too hard to think beyond that at the moment. He didn’t want to have a discussion about how bad they felt, or how sorry they were, because at the moment it really didn’t matter anymore. The sting in his back grew worse as the pain meds wore off, and it was getting harder to feign sleep.
There was an uncomfortable silence around him followed by the rustle of clothes and retreating feet. Rodney dared to open his eye a fraction to make sure they were gone. He should have known better.
Sheppard’s voice startled him, “I knew you were faking it.” When Rodney didn’t move or acknowledge him, John sighed in frustration, “Come on, Rodney, ignoring this isn’t going to make it go away. We need to talk.”
Rodney lifted his head a bit and opening his eyes, glared at the major, “No we don’t. If I ignore you I was hoping you’d take the hint and go away.” Dropping his head back to his pillow, Rodney rubbed away some of the sweat that dotted his face. “What part of I don’t want to see you didn’t you understand? Perhaps I should use smaller words even you can understand.”
Wincing at McKay’s acid tongue, John shrugged, “I see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
Despite the pain of moving, Rodney got a hand under him and half sat up. “Who’s joking? I don’t want you here. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to examine my inner self with you. I want you to leave, Major. Is that simple enough for you?”
“Yeah, I got it.” He gave McKay a final glance, his concern overshadowing his hurt. You want something for the pain before I leave? I can get one of the doctors.”
Rodney didn’t answer. He sank to the bed and turned his head away from Sheppard, burying his hands under his pillow to hide the shaking. John started to leave, but hesitated. Walking the few steps back to Rodney’s bed he said softly, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry…for everything.”
John left him alone, feeling no better now than he had before. He’d hoped that Rodney would give him a chance to explain, but the stubborn scientist was just that…stubborn. Not that it wasn’t justified. Sheppard still held out hope that maybe he could fix things between them, but this latest meeting was anything but encouraging.
Lost in thought, he exited the infirmary only to run into Carson…literally. Knocking them both back several feet as they tried to keep their balance, John grabbed for the doctor, only to have his hands harshly pushed away. He cautiously backed away at the scowl on Beckett’s face, “You’re not going to hit me are you?”
“What were you doing in there? I thought you were told he didn’t want to see you. Do ya care so little about what he wants?”
John had the sense to look contrite. Carson was glaring at him with clenched fists and John backed away another step, not really afraid, but unwilling to put himself in range, just in case. “I just wanted to explain.” He hung his head slightly, “If it’s any consolation, he wasn’t too responsive to the whole idea.”
“Can ya blame him?” snapped Beckett. He turned to enter the infirmary when Sheppard clasped his arm, stopping him from entering.
“Look I know you’re pissed at me…”
Carson jerked out his grasp, and slammed him against the wall, holding him tightly with his fists in his shirt. Sheppard swallowed hard, pressing himself into the wall as Carson got in his face. “Pissed, Major? Oh, I’m a lot more than that.” Carson was breathing hard, his anger at the Sheppard making him see red. He pulled back his arm ready to strike but seeing the Major close his eyes tightly and try to duck brought him to his senses. He surprised them both when he released Sheppard and let him go. Still shaking, he sat in one of the chairs and buried his head in his hands.
John stayed standing, keeping his distance from the angry Scot. “I’m sorry, Carson. I really am. How was I to know the Kinoban’s were gonna pick my brain? It’s not like I set out to hurt him like that.”
Carson spared him a sideways glance, his eyes still furiously dark. “That’s a bloody lie and you know it, Major. Ever since you found out he was gay, you’ve wanted nothin’ more to do with him. Ya don’t think that was hurting him? He actually thought you were his friend. For three months ya went out of your way to avoid him. He’s a good man, Major and doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. Not by you or anybody else.”
Sliding down the wall, John sat, his hands rubbing the back of his neck as he sighed, “It wasn’t about McKay.”
“You’re not makin’ sense. You treat him like crap than try to tell me it isn’t about him,” scoffed Carson, eyeing Sheppard suspiciously.
Looking at Beckett, John shrugged sadly, “I didn’t know. Not really. Not until Pojan made me think about it, made me face it.”
“Face what, Major?” snapped Carson. “How does beating Rodney make YOU see where you messed up?”
John up looked at Carson, but averted his gaze by dropping his head. With a sigh of resignation, he slowly began telling Carson all about his past and how he’d let it interfere with his and Rodney’s friendship. Carson listened, asking an occasional question. By the time he was done, John was rung out and Carson had a new understanding of the whole situation. Not that what he did to Rodney was justified, it wasn’t, but given the circumstances, Carson found his anger fading. Sometimes he hated being so sensitive to others, it made it harder to hate someone and he really wanted someone to blame for Rodney’s treatment. Oh, he still blamed Major Sheppard, but he couldn’t hate him.
Standing, Carson walked towards the infirmary door, peering inside. There was no chance of seeing Rodney, but he looked anyway. Recalling the injuries Rodney had suffered he spoke a little more curtly than was necessary as he glanced back at Sheppard. “I’m not the one you should be telling this too,”
Getting to his feet, John said with frustration. “I tried to talk to him. He kicked me out.”
“I’m sorry, Major, but I’ll not go against Rodney’s wishes. If he doesn’t want to see you than I have to respect that.” John’s shoulders slumped. Carson turned away, returning to the infirmary. He wasn’t ready to forgive Sheppard, not yet.
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love you story and i cant wait for the next installment.
i wanted to be first but my computer hates me. ::pouts/kicks/screams::
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