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For All Eternity
Part 10
Jarrod slowly came around, but his voice was weak and raspy making it hard for him to talk. His swollen neck still made swallowing painful and Heath’s anger flared whenever Jarrod had to struggle to drink or eat. The first time Jarrod had to face his mother, he knew instantly that their secret was out. His face fell and panic set in. Heath tried to calm him, “Jarrod, it’s okay.”
Shaking his head, Jarrod tried to get out of bed, desperate to flee his mother’s presence. Victoria could see his distress and moved quickly to quash his fears, “Jarrod, listen to me son. It doesn’t matter.”
Jarrod’s head shot up and looked her in the eye in disbelief. He could see that she wasn’t upset, but his own inner turmoil still hung heavy on his heart. His eyes flashed with self hatred as he said harshly, his voice cracking with the effort to talk, “Oh it matters! How can you even look at me, knowing what I am.” The pain of talking made him cough, aggravating his throat and broken ribs. He slumped at the edge of the bed and dropped his head to his chest, trying to breath through the pain.
Heath took his arm and tried to get him to lie back down, “Come on Jarrod, you need to rest,” he said, concerned. Victoria moved in to help and it was obvious that Jarrod had withdrawn again when she saw the blank look in his eyes. Heath helped settle him in, and turned to his mother, “Tell him what ya told me. I’ll go clean up.”
He rubbed his scratchy face and tried to smile, but it never reached his eyes, “He’ll come around, you’ll see.”
Victoria nodded sadly, it was hard seeing Heath trying to be optimistic and Jarrod so withdrawn. Neither one showed any of the ease they had earlier in the day when Heath was alone with his brother. It didn’t go unnoticed by Victoria and she vowed to have a talk with Heath if Jarrod wouldn’t listen to her. She didn’t know if her words were even heard as Jarrod rolled onto his side and stared absently towards the wall. When Heath returned, Jarrod was still unresponsive and his mother’s pensive look told it all. She shook her head at his raised eyebrow and he slumped down in the nearest chair wondering what it would take to get Jarrod to stop blaming himself.
The next day brought little improvement. Only when Jarrod was alone with Heath did he show any sign that he was aware of what was going on and even then his interaction was limited to letting Heath take care of his needs. Things only went from bad to worse when Nick finally decided to pay a visit two days later. He stood in the doorway unsure if he was welcome, but needing to know how Jarrod was doing. His voice was quiet as he asked, “How’s he doin’?”
Jarrod’s eyes shot open and there was no doubting his anxiety as his breathing rate increased. Heath ignored Nick as he tried to calm Jarrod. “Take it easy. It’s just Nick.”
Nick stepped towards the bed, not aware that it was his presence that was aggravating Jarrod. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurtin’ ya Jarrod.”
He dropped his head, and tried to apologize but Jarrod turned his back and rolled over. Jarrod trembled as Nick continued to speak louder, “I overreacted alright. I’m sorry!”
Jarrod remained quiet but his breathing was getting worse and he wrapped his arms around his ribs. Heath knelt on the bed beside him and looked up at Nick in annoyance, “Ya need ta leave Nick.”
Nick could see that Jarrod was uncomfortable with him being in the room, and it hurt. He nodded in resignation, knowing he only had himself to blame. His voice was almost a whisper as he sighed, “I didn’t mean no harm, just wanted to see how he was doin’. I won’t bother him no more.” Nick ducked his head and sadly left the room.
Victoria returned a while after Nick’s departure and Heath knew she’d been talking to his brother. She stood at the end of the bed and spoke quietly, “You need to take him back up to the lodge.”
Heath looked puzzled at first and then upset. “Why?” he said defensively, wondering if she was trying to get rid of them.
Her eyes dropped to Jarrod. “He needs you Heath. It’s hard to admit that what you have with him is so important that he’s retreating just to protect you... and us from it all.” She moved to the side of the bed and dropped her hand on Heath’s shoulder, and said softly as she blinked back tears, “Take him where the two of you can be alone without worrying what Nick or I are going to think. Make him see that we don’t hate him for it.”
“What about Nick? I can’t bring him back if Nick doesn’t come around.” Heath was as hurt as Jarrod was by Nick’s reaction but he’d had little time to dwell on it worrying more for Jarrod than himself.
Victoria squeezed his shoulder and smiled warmly, “He’s coming around. You’ll see. He just needs time to realize that you are still the same people he’s always looked to.”
Sorrow filled his eyes. “I hope so, Mother.”
“Get Jarrod ready and I’ll have Silas pack you some supplies. Nick is getting the wagon ready.” Heath was surprised by Nick’s participation and it showed. Victoria added warmly, “He is trying to understand, son. He needs time too.”
Heath nodded and got Jarrod ready for the journey while his mother saw to everything else. With a lot of help from Heath, Jarrod managed to make the long trip from his room to the wagon. He was exhausted and hurting by the time Heath got him settled in the back. Nick had thrown the mattress and several pillows to make Jarrod’s ride more comfortable.
Climbing up front, Heath took his mother’s hand and said his goodbyes. Nick stayed quiet until Heath was ready to move out, “I put a couple fishin’ rods in there. If you’re gonna be up there, ya might as well enjoy the fishin’.”
Heath met his older brothers eyes and could see that Nick was trying to be cordial, “Thanks Nick.” He flicked the reins and headed out.
Nick embraced his mother sadly, “You think this is gonna work?”
Victoria shook her head, “I don’t know Nick. If anyone can get through to him, it’s Heath.”
**********************
The trip to the lodge was long and tiring for Jarrod. He was pale and sore when they arrived and he was leaning heavily into Heath by the time he got into the house. Heath helped him sit, “I’ll get a fire going and you can get a hot bath. May help with the soreness.” Jarrod stretched out and leaned back into the chair as he nodded, his eyes drifting shut. Already Jarrod was relaxing in the absence of onlookers and Heath was hopeful he would continue to unwind.
It was sometime later when Heath shook him awake, “Jarrod.”
“Hmm,” said Jarrod groggily, still half in sleep.
He opened his eyes and Heath was squatting in front of him, “You ready for your bath?”
Jarrod nodded and stood very slowly, his muscles resisting his efforts. Heath let Jarrod do it on his own but watched him carefully, ready to lend a hand if needed. Once in the bathroom Heath asked, “You need any help?”
Shaking his head, Jarrod sat on the edge of the tub and began undressing. Heath made sure he was okay before turning to leave, “I’m gonna fix us somethin’ to eat.”
When Heath returned almost an hour later, Jarrod was leaning on his forearm on the side of the tub, sound asleep. Heath reached in and drained the semi-warm water and nudged Jarrod awake, “Hey, it’s time to eat sleepyhead.”
Disoriented for a brief moment, he shook himself awake and nodded. “Gimme a minute.”
“Don’t take too long or you’ll have burnt beans for supper,” teased Heath.
Jarrod grunted his disapproval and Heath smiled, “Nah, Silas fixed us up with chicken, potato salad and a nice loaf of fresh bread. You might wanna hurry ‘fore I start without ya.” Heath left him to dress but stood outside the door making sure that Jarrod was alright. When he finally heard him scuffling towards the door, he returned to the kitchen to fix him a plate, making it back to the living room as Jarrod was sitting down. “You hungry?”
“A little.”
“Feeling any better?”
“Not so sore.” Jarrod ate what was in front of him, not realizing he was so hungry. His appetite hadn’t been too great lately and it was still hard to finish everything on his plate.
Heath took the empty plate, “Silas sent pie, but I figure we can dig into that later. Let our meal settle.”
He took their plates to the kitchen and wiped them down. Standing over the sink, his hands rested on the edge of the counter and his head dropped. The sadness washed over him and he fought the rising emotions, needing to get back to Jarrod. Jarrod was at least talking but Heath needed more. He needed Jarrod back, not the one in the living room keeping himself distanced. Not knowing how long he stood there, he was startled by the hand on his back and the soft voice at his side, “Heath? What’s wrong?”
Heath shook his head, “Nothin’, I’m fine.” But he wasn’t fine and Jarrod knew it. Jarrod did what he had always done, he turned Heath and pulled him into a warm embrace. Heath’s arms hung limply at his sides as took a deep breath and sighed. His head dropped onto Jarrod’s shoulder and he let go an anguished whisper, “I don’t want to lose you Jarrod.”
Jarrod cupped the back of Heath’s neck and held him tight, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I feel like I’m losin’ ya.” His hands finally lifted and reached around to hold Jarrod in a tight fisted grip. “We can’t stay here forever and I’m afraid you’ll drift away from me when we go back.”
“I just need time. I don’t know what to do or think any more. When it’s just us it’s easy to forget how wrong it all is. I just don’t know how to deal with it when Mother or Nick are around. I can’t seem to get past what they think of me...of you.” His fingers played with the fine hair at the back of Heath’s neck and he spoke with a heartfelt tenderness, “For the first time I understand what love is.” He lifted Heath’s head and gazed into his blue eyes, “I promise we’ll work this out.”
Jarrod started to sway from the effort of standing so long and Heath quickly supported him with an arm around his waist, mindful of his ribs. “You need to rest. Let’s get you to bed.” Jarrod let himself be led to the bedroom and didn’t even fight when Heath began undressing him. He got him under the covers and turned down the light. As he started to leave Jarrod asked softly, “Stay.”
“Sure Jarrod, I’m just gonna lock up.” Heath returned and found Jarrod already asleep. He undressed and spooned behind him, content for the first time in almost a week.
***********
Jarrod continued to improve and began gaining back some of the weight he’d lost. His strength improved daily, and by the end of the first week the only thing still bothering him was his ribs. They’d spent the days being lazy, and enjoyed the time together, fishing, walking and Jarrod even talked Heath into reading to him. Heath insisted Jarrod wasn’t ready for any extracurricular activities and Jarrod had to admit that he wasn’t up to anymore than just snuggling. So in the late afternoon, Jarrod sat on the a blanket in the grass, one leg stretched out in front of him and the other one bent at the knee.
Heath sat in front of him, lazily hanging over his upraised knee. They had poles in the water, but the fish weren’t doing much biting so they were just relaxing in the cool breeze. Jarrod was leaning on his hands, his head thrown back with his eyes closed and his shirt flapping open. Heath turned and smiled warmly when his eyes dropped on the medallion resting on Jarrod’s chest, happy to see it back in its rightful place. Jarrod lifted his head and saw Heath’s smile. He leaned forward and kissed him. It was a tender kiss that became more heated with time. Jarrod gained easy entrance into Heath’s mouth and teased him with his tongue. Heath responded, using his own tongue to probe Jarrod’s mouth. His hand found Jarrod’s chest and he lightly caressed it with his open palm. This was the first time since Jarrod was hurt that he’d allowed himself the freedom. Jarrod pulled away from their kiss, flushed and breathless. Heath’s touch was like fire on his skin, and his head went back as he rested on his hands, savoring every caress. He missed this closeness and couldn’t stop the stir in his loins. Heath moved to sit beside him, and settling his hand close to one of Jarrod’s, he used it to support himself while his other hand roamed freely over Jarrod’s chest. Heath stopped his motions and pressed his hand into Jarrod’s chest. He looked at him and whispered huskily, “Let me touch you.”
Jarrod nodded and lowered himself to the blanket as Heath finished unbuttoning his shirt. With love and tenderness, Heath’s fingers made lazy circles up and down Jarrod’s chest and abdomen. It wasn’t long before Jarrod shifted his hips in an attempt to ease the pain in his groin. His erection was rubbing the seams of his pants, and he needed more room for his already straining member. Heath stopped his caresses and rose onto his knees, then unbuttoning his pants he let them slide down before sitting down and removing them. Jarrod lifted enough to remove his own, while Heath took off his shirt. Soon they were both lying naked and Heath carefully lowered himself onto Jarrod, supporting himself on his arms so as not to hurt his ribs. He very slowly rocked his hardness into Jarrod’s own, and Jarrod’s blue eyes locked onto the mirror eyes above him. Heath set an unrushed pace, enjoying a closeness they hadn’t had in weeks. Jarrod’s hands found Heath’s thick chest hair and he let his fingers slip through the coarseness to find the soft skin around his tight nipples. He circled the silky skin and Heath pressed into Jarrod’s arousal with long, slow strokes. Their pulsing members rubbed side by side and the moisture of excitement and sweat mixed to make the motion smoother and more pleasurable for both.
Slipping his hands under Heath’s, Jarrod pushed them up even with his head, pulling Heath closer. Heath kept his weight off Jarrod, and his lips met Jarrod’s as they kissed with a passion born of love. The rhythm was agonizingly slow and with each thrust, Jarrod’s hips rose as Heath’s pressed into him. Heath leaned closer and whispered softly, “Tell me.”
Jarrod nodded and was biting his lip to prolong the ecstasy but Heath knew him well enough to know it wouldn’t be long. Only a few strokes later he felt it start and Jarrod looked at Heath with desperation as his hands tightened on their grip on his, and he gasped, “Heathhhh....”
Heath lifted himself up to get more leverage and pushed hard into Jarrod’s flesh, his own eyes closing with the burn at the base of his shaft, “Jarrrodddd...”
Both men strained against the other as they exploded in symphony. It was a hard and long climax, too long held in check and both of them were breathing in ragged breaths when they finally collapsed side by side. Heath rolled to his side and reaching out his fingers he found Jarrod’s medallion and held in tightly in his hand. Jarrod’s hand gently covered Heath’s clasped one and a collective sigh was the only sound that could be heard as the breeze cooled their heated bodies.
Part 11
Another week into his convalescence and Jarrod was as good as new. They’d already spent a good part of the day testing Jarrod’s stamina. It was well into the afternoon and Heath had lost count. He’d given up trying to keep up, but he was enjoying the ride. At the moment, Jarrod was on top of his back as he lay sprawled on the bed still recovering from the last one. Jarrod’s semi-erect member was still buried inside his ass and he’d insisted Heath not move until he was hard again. He was too exhausted to really move, but feeling Jarrod’s member slowly fill him up was erotic beyond imagining. Jarrod pressed into him not wanting to lose the tight warmth he’d fought to keep.
Jarrod was kissing his back and shoulders in light kisses sending tiny shivers down his back, occasionally making him arch at the sensation. His moans of pleasure stirred Jarrod on and he could feel the pressure of being filled to capacity. He couldn’t stop his hips from pushing into his hard length, yearning for that one spot. When Jarrod shifted and hit it with his hardness, Heath grunted his approval, “There!”
Rocking slowly forward, Jarrod buried himself to the hilt pausing to catch his ragged breath. Pulling out slowing, he kept the pace slow and easy, their sweat covered skin making it seductively sweet. Heath was writhing with pleasure and Jarrod was too close to think of anything more than finishing. Both of them were breathing fast and when a loud booming voice broke the air and both men swore beneath their breaths. A very startled Jarrod tried to pull out, but Heath stopped him with a firm grasp on his ass and a panted plea, “Finish it!”
Jarrod grabbed Heath by the shoulders and pounded into him, concerned for nothing more than their release. In seconds, they were both shuddering in pleasure. Rolling off of Heath, Jarrod stumbled to shut and lock the door to the room, hoping to hold off Nick until they got dressed. On his way back to Heath, Jarrod grabbed their clothes so they could both get dressed. It wasn’t long before the two weary men were headed out to find out what brother Nick was doing there.
Nick paced nervously back and forth in front of the house. He blushed when he realized he’d interrupted something, based on their disheveled appearances. He stuttered, “Mother sent me up to see how you were doing and to bring more supplies.” Heath stood on the step not sure what to say. Jarrod stood above him, but clearly kept his distance.
“We’re doing just fine Nick.”
Planting his hands on his hips, he looked at both brothers, “Well, when are you comin’ home? I got a ranch to run and I could use some help.”
“It ain’t that easy Nick.”
“Aw hell, I know that, but we ain’t gonna settle nothin’ with you up here not talking to us.”
Jarrod remained silent, his emotions waging war with him. He remembered all too clearly his brother’s initial reaction and the words spoken in rage. His hand absently rubbed at the tender skin around his neck as they all stood in silence. Nick saw Jarrod’s unconscious gesture and walked closer and looked up at him and said with genuine regret, “I’m sorry for layin’ into ya like that Jarrod. I was wrong.”
“You tried to kill me, Nick.” Jarrod’s tone was distant as he spoke his thoughts still focused on the past.
Nick hung his head in shame, and he dropped onto the steps. His words were slow in coming and they seemed hesitant, “I just don’t understand it all. I want to but...” He turned and looked at both of them and confusion and hurt graced his face, “you’re brothers damn it and I just can’t see past that.”
Heath sat down opposite Nick on the steps, and Jarrod reluctantly sat down on the step above him. “When we met the first time we didn’t even know each other. No one was more surprised than we were to find out we was brothers,” stated Heath.
Rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration, Nick sighed, “Why?”
“Why what, Nick? Why did we do it anyway? Why couldn’t we leave well enough alone?” Heath’s own frustration and anger were starting to surface and Jarrod placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, then removed it just as quickly when he saw Nick startle at the simple gesture.
Jarrod leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he spoke, “You and Kate are getting married in what Nick, two months?” Nick’s eyebrows furrowed and he nodded, unsure what Jarrod was getting at.
“What if she were to suddenly show up on our doorstep and say she was your sister? What would you do Nick? Stop loving her?” Jarrod’s voice grew harder as he continued, “You have to see her everyday, but you can’t show her how you feel, cause all that stuff you enjoyed together is wrong now. All the feelings you have for her are wrong, but you have to live with her, pretend she’s just your sister. Could you do that Nick? Could you forget how you feel about her, knowing all the time that she feels exactly the same way you do?”
Nick looked surprised by Jarrod’s analogy, and retorted, “It ain’t the same. You’re men. Even the bible...”
Jarrod stood and shouted at Nick, “I know what the bible says Nick. I don’t need you telling me what I know. I live with it everyday. You think I want to be what I am. God Nick, I would give anything to be ‘normal’, but I’m not.” Jarrod slumped down to the step, burying his head in his hands in frustration. Heath was fighting every muscle in his body not to go to him, but even he couldn’t forget Nick’s presence.
“What’s wrong with women? I’ve known you both date em, why can’t you just find a good woman?”
Jarrod lifted his head and feigned a weak laugh at Nick, “It’s a show Nick...just a show.”
Nick raised his voice in ire, “You married Beth! You telling me it was all a lie to throw us off?”
There was hurt in Jarrod’s eyes as he shook his head and said sadly, “No. I thought I loved Beth, but when she was killed do you know what I thought of more than anything, Nick?” Nick shook his head and Jarrod looked at Heath, tears gathering, “I thought of Heath. What if it had been him that had been killed? I realized then that I was only kidding myself. I didn’t really love her, I was just trying to do the right thing, lead the good life and she died because of it.” Jarrod took several seconds to compose himself, “I know it’s wrong to feel the way I do, but I can no more change it than you could stop being who you are Nick. I didn’t ask to be this way, but I’m tired of denying it doesn’t exist.”
The desolation hung over Jarrod like a cloud as he stood and walked away from his brothers. Heath hurried after him and stopped him out of Nick’s hearing range. Nick watched as Heath grabbed his arm and the two men talked in hushed tones. Jarrod finally patted Heath’s shoulder and walked off. Heath watched him for a bit then returned to the house.
Nick nodded in Jarrod’s direction, “He okay?”
Heath turned and watched Jarrod, “No, but he will be.”
“And you, how are you doing?”
“I made my peace with it years ago, Nick.”
“How?”
Heath leaned into the hitching rail and told him, “I lived with some Indians way back and they told me all about how Indians see it different then we do. They call ‘em two-spirited and they have a very high status within the tribe. When I was with ‘em I started to see that it wasn’t something I could change, you’re either born with it or ya ain’t. It was a lot easier to accept when I figured out it wasn’t somethin’ I did or that I was evil because of it. I learned to hide it and live my life around it. Doin’ what Jarrod did. I dated women, even got serious a time or two, but it was never the same as being with...a man.” Nick sat wide-eyed as Heath spoke, “Aw hell, Nick! I can’t help what I am no more than Jarrod can.”
Nick waved him off, “I’m beginnin’ to see that, but that don’t excuse the fact that you’re still brothers.”
“I know it don’t and I wish more than anything we weren’t, but we are.” Heath hung his head as he spoke, “I couldn’t stop what I was feelin’ any more than he could Nick. Ya gotta understand that. When we found out we was brother’s it was already too late.” Heath blushed as he told Nick in a whisper, “Even if we didn’t admit it at the time...we loved each other.” Heath looked up at Nick and told him defiantly, “I won’t give him up, Nick. Not for you or anybody else.”
Nick realized in that moment that he was at risk of losing both his brothers if some sort of compromise wasn’t reached. He tentatively reached out a hand and clasped his brother’s shoulder, “We’ll work something out. I promise.”
Heath’s expression was relieved and he implored Nick, “You need to talk to him.”
Nick nodded his head in sorrow, “I know.”
Gesturing to the trees, Heath told him, “He’s at the pond.”
*
Jarrod sat on a large rock overlooking the pond, fingering the medallion that hung lazily around his neck. Seeing Nick approach, he steeled his expression and asked, “What do want, Nick?”
Sighing heavily, Nick sat nearby, “I want my brother’s back.”
“I want that too Nick, but I still have reservations about going back home.”
“Why?”
Jarrod huffed, “Why? So you can scrutinize my every move. Hell it was hard enough when no one knew.” Picking up a handful of rocks, he plunked them one by one into the water. Jarrod hesitated before asking Nick, “Are you going to tell Kate?”
Nick shook his head, “No, don’t figure it’s anybody’s business, but family.”
“She’s going to be your wife soon, Nick. That makes her family.”
“Well, I don’t figure on telling Eugene or Audra either.”
Jarrod frowned, “Why not?”
“Hell, Jarrod. I ain’t none to proud of the fact that you and Heath are doin’ what you’re doin’. You think I want anyone else to know about it,”
grunted Nick. Jarrod’s expression fell and Nick added quickly, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just figure the less people know the better. Me and Mother have to live with ya, they don’t.”
“And when Eugene moves back with Sarah and the boys, what then? They’ll be living there too.”
“Well that ain’t ‘til after the weddin’. Maybe things will be back to normal by then.”
“Your normal or our normal?” asked Jarrod, curious what Nick wanted from them.
Nick said with a slight annoyance, “Well from what I gather I’ve been living a lie since Heath got here, so I guess it would be ‘our’ normal.”
Jarrod looked at him in surprise, “That’s what’s got you riled ain’t it Nick. We didn’t tell you.”
The hurt was obvious as Nick spoke, “I always considered Heath my partner, wasn’t nothin’ he couldn’t tell me after all our years ridin’ together. And you, well...I knew, but...”
“You condemned me all those years ago. What did you expect me to say? You reacted exactly the way we thought you would. That’s why, Nick.”
Jarrod emphasized his last words and Nick sighed at the truth. “I’m sorry for hurtin’ ya so bad.” Jarrod seemed to ignore his apology and Nick pleaded with his older brother, “Come on Jarrod, I said I was sorry.”
Still absently throwing stones in the water, Jarrod stopped and said solemnly, “That don’t erase the things you said to me that day or the fact that you pretty much left me for dead, not caring whether I lived or died.”
Nick dropped his hand on Jarrod’s back, “I cared.”
Jarrod shrugged off Nicks hand and shook his head, a tinge of rejection in his voice, “No you didn’t, Nick. You were so intent on getting Heath away from me, you could have cared less. Damn Nick, think about it. Do you honestly believe I could have forced Heath to do something like that if he didn’t want to?”
Shaking his head dejectedly, Nick sighed, “No, I suppose not.” They sat in silence for a long time before Nick looked at Jarrod sheepishly, “You can hit me if it’ll make ya feel better.”
With a tight smile, Jarrod retorted, “While that does sound rather satisfying, Nick, I doubt it’ll solve much.”
Nick got quickly to his feet and planting his hands on his hips he glared down at Jarrod, “Come on, big brother. Show me what you got!”
Looking up at Nick, Jarrod shook his head, “I don’t want to fight you Nick.” Nick purposely leaned down and shoved Jarrod making him lose his balance.
Jarrod’s eyes darkened and he growled at him, “Knock it off Nick.” Getting to his feet, Jarrod tried to walk away and Nick rudely grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around to face him.
It was enough to push Jarrod over the edge and he hauled off and hit Nick squarely on the chin, dropping him like a rock. Nick shook his head to clear it and lifted up on one elbow as he rubbed his now tender jaw. “Feel better?”
Shaking his hand to ease the pain in his bleeding knuckles, Jarrod looked down at Nick, “NO!” A slow smile appeared, “Yes.”
Nick lifted his hand for help up and Jarrod hesitated only a second before helping Nick to his feet. Swaying a little, Nick let Jarrod steady him as he brushed himself off, “That was a hell of a punch, big brother!”
Jarrod slapped him on the back, “I was motivated.”
“Humph! How’s the hand?”
“I think it’s broke,” winced Jarrod, as he held it out for Nick to see. Already it was swelling and turning a deep purple around a couple of the knuckles.
“Serves ya right,” teased Nick, as they walked to the house.
Jarrod bantered back, “If you didn’t have such a hard head, it wouldn’t take so much to knock some sense into you.” Grasping his wrist he pulled his hand to his chest and held it there as they walked. The closer they got to the house the more Jarrod began to falter. He was sweating from the throbbing in his hand and when he stumbled, Heath rushed out to help. One look at the growing bruise on Nick’s jaw and he knew what had happened.
He told Jarrod with a lopsided grin as he guided him to the well for some cold water, “Try to miss bone next time, he’s too hardheaded if ya don’t.” Heath helped Jarrod sit and then squatted in front of him.
Jarrod nodded and chuckled, “I’ll try to remember that...for next time.”
“Ya know I’m still here!” said Nick indignantly. He pulled up the water bucket and handed it to Heath, as they laughed at him.
“Put yer hand in there Jarrod, it’ll help with the swelling.”
“Thanks.”
Heath winked at Jarrod and looked up at Nick, “Ya reckon ya had to break his hand to get us home?”
Nick snapped back at him, “Now I didn’t do...” Heath and Jarrod couldn’t hold back the laughter at Nick’s expected reaction to Heath’s teasing. Nick waved his hand at the two of them, “Arghh! I’m gonna hitch up the wagon and load up. If you two think you can take care of that.”
Lifting his head, Heath talked to Nick’s retreating back, “Sure Nick, no problem.” Turning back to Jarrod he asked with concern, “How is it?”
“Cold water feels pretty good.”
“Good. Leave it in there while I round up something to wrap it in.” Heath patted his leg as he got up. “I’ll be right back.”
Two hours later they were headed out. Heath and Jarrod rode in the wagon and Nick trailed beside them on Coco. Four hours into the trip and Jarrod was suffering from all the jostling. Bathed in sweat and grasping his hand tightly to his chest he bit back moan after moan over the bumpy roads. Heath reached under the seat and uncorking the canteen, handed it to Jarrod. Looking at him with thanks, Jarrod took a drink with a shaky hand and gave it back to him. Jarrod slumped into the seat from pain and exhaustion and Heath wrapped his arm around him, letting him lean into his shoulder. Nick rode up and asked worriedly, “You alright Jarrod?”
Sitting up quickly at Nick’s voice, Jarrod started to move away from Heath when Nick admonished him, “Don’t be so sensitive Jarrod. Let him help ya.” Jarrod was surprised but sighed with relief, in too much pain to argue. He tentatively leaned back into Heath, who again draped an arm across his shoulders for support. His touch was comforting and it wasn’t long before Jarrod drifted off to sleep.
Part 12
3 months later...
Heath slumped in the saddle, ready to call it a day. He hadn’t been sleeping well at all for over two months and it was taking its toll. Nick rode up beside him and it hurt him to see Heath looking so pathetic. He’d lost weight and his clothes hung loosely on his already lean frame. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, but as long as he’d been doing his work, Nick had been reluctant to say anything. His weariness was so evident that Nick asked sympathetically, “You wanna talk about it?”
“Ain’t nothing to talk about.” Heath trotted on ahead, hoping to end the conversation.
Nick easily caught up, “You’ve been like this for months, what is it? Is it Jarrod, the way he’s treatin’ ya?” Heath was astonished and Nick added, “Have you talked to him?”
“How ‘m I supposed to do that when he spends all his time in San Francisco? If I try to talk to him when he’s home, he just tells me it’s too hard with so many people watching our every move.”
“Well I have to admit, with Eugene and his crew back, things are a little more crowded, but that don’t account for him ignorin’ ya like he does.”
Heath just shrugged, “He’s got his reasons.”
Nick bristled, “Why you defendin’ him?”
“Because I know what he’s doin’ even if he don’t say so,” snapped Heath, irritated by Nick’s prodding. “Leave it be, Nick.”
“I can’t. Not when it’s affecting you like this.”
“I’m doin’ my job. It ain’t none of your business.” Heath’s angry glare was enough to make Nick back down.
Nick told him coolly, “Fine, but if this starts to affect your work or the men, it ain’t over little brother.”
***********
Jarrod came home two weeks later from San Francisco, and Nick could see that he was fairing no better than Heath. Both men bore signs of the inner turmoil they were feeling. Nick strode into the study intent on finding out just what was going on. Jarrod was stretched out in his chair, a cigar in one hand and a drink in the other, his feet up on the desk and his head thrown back as if he were sleeping. Only the worry lines on his face gave him away.
Nick got himself a drink and when Jarrod heard his presence he sat up and tried to concentrate on his work. Nick had other ideas, “You look like hell, big brother.”
“Thanks Nick, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter,” smirked Jarrod.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” Nick sat on the edge of the desk and Jarrod ignored him and went for another drink.
Jarrod poured himself a bourbon, “There is nothing to say.”
“You and Heath look like hell. Anytime Mother or I try to talk to you, you hightail it back to San Francisco. You ain’t dealing with it Jarrod, you’re running away from it.”
With a fierce look, Jarrod growled, “I’m doing the RIGHT thing.” Downing his drink, Jarrod slammed the glass to the table. Grabbing his hat, he turned to Nick before leaving, “You can’t have it both ways.”
Nick rushed towards him and grabbing his arm, spun him around. “You can’t go on like this. You’re killing yourselves!”
Shrugging angrily from Nick’s grasp, Jarrod hissed, “Back off, Nick!”
Nick held up his hands in defeat, and he sighed, “Fine, Jarrod. But at least talk to him. It’s eating him up inside that you won’t talk to him.”
Jarrod shook his head miserably and muttered, “I’m going for a ride.”
*
He returned several hours later feeling no better than when he left. Dropping his hat in the foyer, he was surprised to see the family gathered in the parlor. One look in his mother’s face and he knew that something was wrong. Victoria rushed forward and Jarrod held her at arms length as he asked, “Who?”
“It’s Heath.”
All the color drained from Jarrod’s face as he stared into his mother’s eyes, and asked, “What happened?”
“Diablo threw him and he was stepped on. Doctor Merar is with him now.”
Jarrod’s hands shook as he held his mother, and his steady voice belied his fear, “How bad, Mother?”
“His shoulder and his...head.” Victoria put her hand on Jarrod’s chest as she added with concern, “He was still unconscious when Nick brought him in.”
Pulling her close, he spoke reassuringly, “I’m sure he’ll be fine Mother.”
Victoria could feel Jarrod trembling beneath her hands and she whispered, “Go see how he’s doing, son.”
Kissing her forehead, he squared his shoulders and forced himself to remain calm. Proceeding up the stairs, he went to Heath’s room and found Nick holding him in his arms while Howard bandaged his head. Jarrod took a few tentative steps into the room, and nodded towards Heath when Doc Merar looked up at him. “How’s he doing?”
“He has a concussion and his shoulder is going to be pretty sore if he wakes.”
Jarrod grabbed for the end of the bed to steady himself, “IF?”
“It’s a head wound, Jarrod. There are no guarantees.”
Nick scowled, “He’ll be fine, Doc. Heath is too tough to let a horse keep him down.” He gently laid Heath down on the bed as the doctor finished.
“Keep him calm. See if you can get some molasses water in him. He is looking pretty thin to begin with and needs nourishment.” The doctor pointed to the bandages that wrapped his head, “Make sure you clean out that cut a couple times a day and I’ll be back in the morning to see how he’s doing. If he gets worse, send someone for me.”
“Sure, Doc,” said Nick absently, not taking his eyes off Heath.
Howard packed his bag up and headed towards the door. His eyes rested on Jarrod and noticed that Heath wasn’t the only one who seemed to have lost weight, “Are you feeling alright, Jarrod?”
Jarrod barely noticed the question, “I’m fine.” Remembering his manners, Jarrod reluctantly left his brothers, “Let me walk you down.”
Howard waved him off as they entered the hallway, “Stay. I know my way around.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Jarrod turned to go back into the room, but one look at Heath’s still form and he knew it would be impossible to remain detached, to pretend they were just brothers. With a heavy heart, he went to his own room and locked the door behind him.
So busy with Heath, the rest of the family hardly noticed Jarrod’s absence. Only when they gathered for breakfast the next morning did they realize that no one had seen him since the previous day. Eugene had spelled Nick early, and he’d managed to get a couple hours sleep before seeing to the ranch hands. Letting Duke, the foreman know what needed to be done, Nick went in search of Jarrod. He was tired and annoyed by the time he found Jarrod locked in his room. Pounding on the door, he hollered, “Open up, Jarrod.”
A quiet voice sounded from the other side of the door, “Go away, Nick.”
“Not gonna happen. Open the door or I’ll kick it in.”
Nick waited several tense moments before he heard the door click open. He slowly opened it and stepped into the room only to be assaulted by stale cigar smoke. “Geez, Jarrod. At least open a window.”
Striding across the room he threw open the window and tried waving some of the oppressive smoke out. His hands stopped in midair when he caught sight of Jarrod sitting in the chair by the fireplace. There was no fire, just Jarrod leaning forward with a cigar between his fingers, staring vacantly at the empty space. Unshaven and sitting in rumbled clothes, his distraught features seemed even more pronounced than they had the day before. The closer Nick got the more he could see in the darkened room. Jarrod’s eyes were rimmed red with dark circles beneath them, testimony to his lack of sleep. Ignoring Nick’s worried expression, Jarrod asked quietly, “How is he?”
“He’s tried to wake a couple times, but can’t quite get back.” Nick put a hand on Jarrod’s knee as he squatted in front of him, “He’ll come around. Take more than a kick to the head to stop Heath. He’s a Barkley, remember.” Jarrod only nodded, but Nick saw the sigh of relief pass over his features before the blank look returned. “Go see him, maybe you can get through to him.”
Jarrod shook his head, desolation in his voice as he muttered, “I can’t.”
With hands on his hips, Nick stood and glared down at him, “Why not?”
Nick barely heard Jarrod whisper, “If I go in there...I can’t be his brother.”
“Is that is what all this has been about? Being his brother?” Agitated, Nick paced the room. “A brother wouldn’t be sittin’ in here while another one was layin’ hurt in that other room.” Nick leaned over Jarrod and stated firmly, “You better decide just what it is you’re gonna be to that boy in there,” Nick pointed towards the door as he added, “cause right now you’re a sorry excuse for a brother and whatever else you wanna be to him.” Jarrod sat unmoving. Frustrated, Nick turned his back and strode angrily out of the room.
*
Nick relieved Eugene and was sitting with Heath, when he heard something at the door. He broke out in a smile when he saw a very weary Jarrod leaning heavily into the door jam. Jarrod acknowledged him with a nod, and Nick hurried to stand so that Jarrod could sit beside the bed, closer to Heath. With a shaky hand, Jarrod reached out very slowly, as if afraid and clasped Heath’s hand. He gasped as he touched Heath, and his body hunched over as he wept. Silent sobs racked his body and as Nick stood behind him, he gently reached out to squeeze his brother’s shoulder in comfort. It took several minutes for Jarrod to compose himself. Sitting up straighter, his eyes never leaving Heath he asked quietly, “What happened?”
Releasing his hand from Jarrod’s shoulder, Nick walked around the bed and slumped into the chair. He looked at Heath’s unconscious form on the bed and scrubbing his hands through his hair, stated sadly, “It’s was my fault. Heath’s been beggin’ me for a long time to let him have a place to work the horses. I put it off, telling him it wasn’t necessary.” Nick reached out and took Heath’s other hand, rubbing it as he continued, “He kept insisting that all the unexpected noises around the house and barn upset the horses when he was trying to work with ‘em.” Pausing as he remembered the accident, his voice wavered as he spoke, “He was up on Diablo and some of the men come out of the bunkhouse hollerin’ and carrin’ on. Heath lost his concentration for just a second. That was all it took for that horse to throw him. He reared up and came down on Heath.”
Nick stammered, “If I’d only listened to him, none of this woulda happened.”
A very weak voice came from the bed, “Not...your...fault. Damn...horse.”
As Nick listened to Heath, he noticed that his head was turned towards Jarrod and the two men’s eyes were locked onto each other. Rising from his seat, he wiped away a tear and silently left the room, closing the door behind him.
Heath asked hoarsely, “Water.”
Jarrod carefully helped him sit up and holding him in his arms, he held the glass for Heath to drink. As he finished, Jarrod set the glass aside and held Heath as he slumped against his chest. Jarrod leaned down and kissed his blonde head and whispered, “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t much of a brother was I?”
Heath pulled back enough to look up at Jarrod, “Don’t want... a brother,...just...you.”
Jarrod’s voice hitched as he spoke, “I tried it their way and all I did was hurt you. I couldn’t let you go no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it was the right thing to do.”
Looking back up at Jarrod, Heath shot him a tired grin, “You look...like hell.”
Jarrod cupped Heath’s face and whispered softly, “You’ve never looked better.” He leaned in and kissed him lightly then lowered him to the bed. “Get some rest.”
As Jarrod moved off the bed to sit in the chair, Heath grabbed his hand, “Stay!”
Patting his hand, Jarrod smiled warmly, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here.”
Nick came back an hour later to check on them and found both men sound asleep. Jarrod was slumped forward in the chair, his head resting at Heath’s side. He was going to be sore as hell when he woke up and Nick just shook his head at the sight. For the first time in months, his brothers seemed to be at peace and he wasn’t going to be the one to disturb that. Closing the door quietly, he went to inform his mother that all was well again.
Part 10
Jarrod slowly came around, but his voice was weak and raspy making it hard for him to talk. His swollen neck still made swallowing painful and Heath’s anger flared whenever Jarrod had to struggle to drink or eat. The first time Jarrod had to face his mother, he knew instantly that their secret was out. His face fell and panic set in. Heath tried to calm him, “Jarrod, it’s okay.”
Shaking his head, Jarrod tried to get out of bed, desperate to flee his mother’s presence. Victoria could see his distress and moved quickly to quash his fears, “Jarrod, listen to me son. It doesn’t matter.”
Jarrod’s head shot up and looked her in the eye in disbelief. He could see that she wasn’t upset, but his own inner turmoil still hung heavy on his heart. His eyes flashed with self hatred as he said harshly, his voice cracking with the effort to talk, “Oh it matters! How can you even look at me, knowing what I am.” The pain of talking made him cough, aggravating his throat and broken ribs. He slumped at the edge of the bed and dropped his head to his chest, trying to breath through the pain.
Heath took his arm and tried to get him to lie back down, “Come on Jarrod, you need to rest,” he said, concerned. Victoria moved in to help and it was obvious that Jarrod had withdrawn again when she saw the blank look in his eyes. Heath helped settle him in, and turned to his mother, “Tell him what ya told me. I’ll go clean up.”
He rubbed his scratchy face and tried to smile, but it never reached his eyes, “He’ll come around, you’ll see.”
Victoria nodded sadly, it was hard seeing Heath trying to be optimistic and Jarrod so withdrawn. Neither one showed any of the ease they had earlier in the day when Heath was alone with his brother. It didn’t go unnoticed by Victoria and she vowed to have a talk with Heath if Jarrod wouldn’t listen to her. She didn’t know if her words were even heard as Jarrod rolled onto his side and stared absently towards the wall. When Heath returned, Jarrod was still unresponsive and his mother’s pensive look told it all. She shook her head at his raised eyebrow and he slumped down in the nearest chair wondering what it would take to get Jarrod to stop blaming himself.
The next day brought little improvement. Only when Jarrod was alone with Heath did he show any sign that he was aware of what was going on and even then his interaction was limited to letting Heath take care of his needs. Things only went from bad to worse when Nick finally decided to pay a visit two days later. He stood in the doorway unsure if he was welcome, but needing to know how Jarrod was doing. His voice was quiet as he asked, “How’s he doin’?”
Jarrod’s eyes shot open and there was no doubting his anxiety as his breathing rate increased. Heath ignored Nick as he tried to calm Jarrod. “Take it easy. It’s just Nick.”
Nick stepped towards the bed, not aware that it was his presence that was aggravating Jarrod. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurtin’ ya Jarrod.”
He dropped his head, and tried to apologize but Jarrod turned his back and rolled over. Jarrod trembled as Nick continued to speak louder, “I overreacted alright. I’m sorry!”
Jarrod remained quiet but his breathing was getting worse and he wrapped his arms around his ribs. Heath knelt on the bed beside him and looked up at Nick in annoyance, “Ya need ta leave Nick.”
Nick could see that Jarrod was uncomfortable with him being in the room, and it hurt. He nodded in resignation, knowing he only had himself to blame. His voice was almost a whisper as he sighed, “I didn’t mean no harm, just wanted to see how he was doin’. I won’t bother him no more.” Nick ducked his head and sadly left the room.
Victoria returned a while after Nick’s departure and Heath knew she’d been talking to his brother. She stood at the end of the bed and spoke quietly, “You need to take him back up to the lodge.”
Heath looked puzzled at first and then upset. “Why?” he said defensively, wondering if she was trying to get rid of them.
Her eyes dropped to Jarrod. “He needs you Heath. It’s hard to admit that what you have with him is so important that he’s retreating just to protect you... and us from it all.” She moved to the side of the bed and dropped her hand on Heath’s shoulder, and said softly as she blinked back tears, “Take him where the two of you can be alone without worrying what Nick or I are going to think. Make him see that we don’t hate him for it.”
“What about Nick? I can’t bring him back if Nick doesn’t come around.” Heath was as hurt as Jarrod was by Nick’s reaction but he’d had little time to dwell on it worrying more for Jarrod than himself.
Victoria squeezed his shoulder and smiled warmly, “He’s coming around. You’ll see. He just needs time to realize that you are still the same people he’s always looked to.”
Sorrow filled his eyes. “I hope so, Mother.”
“Get Jarrod ready and I’ll have Silas pack you some supplies. Nick is getting the wagon ready.” Heath was surprised by Nick’s participation and it showed. Victoria added warmly, “He is trying to understand, son. He needs time too.”
Heath nodded and got Jarrod ready for the journey while his mother saw to everything else. With a lot of help from Heath, Jarrod managed to make the long trip from his room to the wagon. He was exhausted and hurting by the time Heath got him settled in the back. Nick had thrown the mattress and several pillows to make Jarrod’s ride more comfortable.
Climbing up front, Heath took his mother’s hand and said his goodbyes. Nick stayed quiet until Heath was ready to move out, “I put a couple fishin’ rods in there. If you’re gonna be up there, ya might as well enjoy the fishin’.”
Heath met his older brothers eyes and could see that Nick was trying to be cordial, “Thanks Nick.” He flicked the reins and headed out.
Nick embraced his mother sadly, “You think this is gonna work?”
Victoria shook her head, “I don’t know Nick. If anyone can get through to him, it’s Heath.”
**********************
The trip to the lodge was long and tiring for Jarrod. He was pale and sore when they arrived and he was leaning heavily into Heath by the time he got into the house. Heath helped him sit, “I’ll get a fire going and you can get a hot bath. May help with the soreness.” Jarrod stretched out and leaned back into the chair as he nodded, his eyes drifting shut. Already Jarrod was relaxing in the absence of onlookers and Heath was hopeful he would continue to unwind.
It was sometime later when Heath shook him awake, “Jarrod.”
“Hmm,” said Jarrod groggily, still half in sleep.
He opened his eyes and Heath was squatting in front of him, “You ready for your bath?”
Jarrod nodded and stood very slowly, his muscles resisting his efforts. Heath let Jarrod do it on his own but watched him carefully, ready to lend a hand if needed. Once in the bathroom Heath asked, “You need any help?”
Shaking his head, Jarrod sat on the edge of the tub and began undressing. Heath made sure he was okay before turning to leave, “I’m gonna fix us somethin’ to eat.”
When Heath returned almost an hour later, Jarrod was leaning on his forearm on the side of the tub, sound asleep. Heath reached in and drained the semi-warm water and nudged Jarrod awake, “Hey, it’s time to eat sleepyhead.”
Disoriented for a brief moment, he shook himself awake and nodded. “Gimme a minute.”
“Don’t take too long or you’ll have burnt beans for supper,” teased Heath.
Jarrod grunted his disapproval and Heath smiled, “Nah, Silas fixed us up with chicken, potato salad and a nice loaf of fresh bread. You might wanna hurry ‘fore I start without ya.” Heath left him to dress but stood outside the door making sure that Jarrod was alright. When he finally heard him scuffling towards the door, he returned to the kitchen to fix him a plate, making it back to the living room as Jarrod was sitting down. “You hungry?”
“A little.”
“Feeling any better?”
“Not so sore.” Jarrod ate what was in front of him, not realizing he was so hungry. His appetite hadn’t been too great lately and it was still hard to finish everything on his plate.
Heath took the empty plate, “Silas sent pie, but I figure we can dig into that later. Let our meal settle.”
He took their plates to the kitchen and wiped them down. Standing over the sink, his hands rested on the edge of the counter and his head dropped. The sadness washed over him and he fought the rising emotions, needing to get back to Jarrod. Jarrod was at least talking but Heath needed more. He needed Jarrod back, not the one in the living room keeping himself distanced. Not knowing how long he stood there, he was startled by the hand on his back and the soft voice at his side, “Heath? What’s wrong?”
Heath shook his head, “Nothin’, I’m fine.” But he wasn’t fine and Jarrod knew it. Jarrod did what he had always done, he turned Heath and pulled him into a warm embrace. Heath’s arms hung limply at his sides as took a deep breath and sighed. His head dropped onto Jarrod’s shoulder and he let go an anguished whisper, “I don’t want to lose you Jarrod.”
Jarrod cupped the back of Heath’s neck and held him tight, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I feel like I’m losin’ ya.” His hands finally lifted and reached around to hold Jarrod in a tight fisted grip. “We can’t stay here forever and I’m afraid you’ll drift away from me when we go back.”
“I just need time. I don’t know what to do or think any more. When it’s just us it’s easy to forget how wrong it all is. I just don’t know how to deal with it when Mother or Nick are around. I can’t seem to get past what they think of me...of you.” His fingers played with the fine hair at the back of Heath’s neck and he spoke with a heartfelt tenderness, “For the first time I understand what love is.” He lifted Heath’s head and gazed into his blue eyes, “I promise we’ll work this out.”
Jarrod started to sway from the effort of standing so long and Heath quickly supported him with an arm around his waist, mindful of his ribs. “You need to rest. Let’s get you to bed.” Jarrod let himself be led to the bedroom and didn’t even fight when Heath began undressing him. He got him under the covers and turned down the light. As he started to leave Jarrod asked softly, “Stay.”
“Sure Jarrod, I’m just gonna lock up.” Heath returned and found Jarrod already asleep. He undressed and spooned behind him, content for the first time in almost a week.
***********
Jarrod continued to improve and began gaining back some of the weight he’d lost. His strength improved daily, and by the end of the first week the only thing still bothering him was his ribs. They’d spent the days being lazy, and enjoyed the time together, fishing, walking and Jarrod even talked Heath into reading to him. Heath insisted Jarrod wasn’t ready for any extracurricular activities and Jarrod had to admit that he wasn’t up to anymore than just snuggling. So in the late afternoon, Jarrod sat on the a blanket in the grass, one leg stretched out in front of him and the other one bent at the knee.
Heath sat in front of him, lazily hanging over his upraised knee. They had poles in the water, but the fish weren’t doing much biting so they were just relaxing in the cool breeze. Jarrod was leaning on his hands, his head thrown back with his eyes closed and his shirt flapping open. Heath turned and smiled warmly when his eyes dropped on the medallion resting on Jarrod’s chest, happy to see it back in its rightful place. Jarrod lifted his head and saw Heath’s smile. He leaned forward and kissed him. It was a tender kiss that became more heated with time. Jarrod gained easy entrance into Heath’s mouth and teased him with his tongue. Heath responded, using his own tongue to probe Jarrod’s mouth. His hand found Jarrod’s chest and he lightly caressed it with his open palm. This was the first time since Jarrod was hurt that he’d allowed himself the freedom. Jarrod pulled away from their kiss, flushed and breathless. Heath’s touch was like fire on his skin, and his head went back as he rested on his hands, savoring every caress. He missed this closeness and couldn’t stop the stir in his loins. Heath moved to sit beside him, and settling his hand close to one of Jarrod’s, he used it to support himself while his other hand roamed freely over Jarrod’s chest. Heath stopped his motions and pressed his hand into Jarrod’s chest. He looked at him and whispered huskily, “Let me touch you.”
Jarrod nodded and lowered himself to the blanket as Heath finished unbuttoning his shirt. With love and tenderness, Heath’s fingers made lazy circles up and down Jarrod’s chest and abdomen. It wasn’t long before Jarrod shifted his hips in an attempt to ease the pain in his groin. His erection was rubbing the seams of his pants, and he needed more room for his already straining member. Heath stopped his caresses and rose onto his knees, then unbuttoning his pants he let them slide down before sitting down and removing them. Jarrod lifted enough to remove his own, while Heath took off his shirt. Soon they were both lying naked and Heath carefully lowered himself onto Jarrod, supporting himself on his arms so as not to hurt his ribs. He very slowly rocked his hardness into Jarrod’s own, and Jarrod’s blue eyes locked onto the mirror eyes above him. Heath set an unrushed pace, enjoying a closeness they hadn’t had in weeks. Jarrod’s hands found Heath’s thick chest hair and he let his fingers slip through the coarseness to find the soft skin around his tight nipples. He circled the silky skin and Heath pressed into Jarrod’s arousal with long, slow strokes. Their pulsing members rubbed side by side and the moisture of excitement and sweat mixed to make the motion smoother and more pleasurable for both.
Slipping his hands under Heath’s, Jarrod pushed them up even with his head, pulling Heath closer. Heath kept his weight off Jarrod, and his lips met Jarrod’s as they kissed with a passion born of love. The rhythm was agonizingly slow and with each thrust, Jarrod’s hips rose as Heath’s pressed into him. Heath leaned closer and whispered softly, “Tell me.”
Jarrod nodded and was biting his lip to prolong the ecstasy but Heath knew him well enough to know it wouldn’t be long. Only a few strokes later he felt it start and Jarrod looked at Heath with desperation as his hands tightened on their grip on his, and he gasped, “Heathhhh....”
Heath lifted himself up to get more leverage and pushed hard into Jarrod’s flesh, his own eyes closing with the burn at the base of his shaft, “Jarrrodddd...”
Both men strained against the other as they exploded in symphony. It was a hard and long climax, too long held in check and both of them were breathing in ragged breaths when they finally collapsed side by side. Heath rolled to his side and reaching out his fingers he found Jarrod’s medallion and held in tightly in his hand. Jarrod’s hand gently covered Heath’s clasped one and a collective sigh was the only sound that could be heard as the breeze cooled their heated bodies.
Part 11
Another week into his convalescence and Jarrod was as good as new. They’d already spent a good part of the day testing Jarrod’s stamina. It was well into the afternoon and Heath had lost count. He’d given up trying to keep up, but he was enjoying the ride. At the moment, Jarrod was on top of his back as he lay sprawled on the bed still recovering from the last one. Jarrod’s semi-erect member was still buried inside his ass and he’d insisted Heath not move until he was hard again. He was too exhausted to really move, but feeling Jarrod’s member slowly fill him up was erotic beyond imagining. Jarrod pressed into him not wanting to lose the tight warmth he’d fought to keep.
Jarrod was kissing his back and shoulders in light kisses sending tiny shivers down his back, occasionally making him arch at the sensation. His moans of pleasure stirred Jarrod on and he could feel the pressure of being filled to capacity. He couldn’t stop his hips from pushing into his hard length, yearning for that one spot. When Jarrod shifted and hit it with his hardness, Heath grunted his approval, “There!”
Rocking slowly forward, Jarrod buried himself to the hilt pausing to catch his ragged breath. Pulling out slowing, he kept the pace slow and easy, their sweat covered skin making it seductively sweet. Heath was writhing with pleasure and Jarrod was too close to think of anything more than finishing. Both of them were breathing fast and when a loud booming voice broke the air and both men swore beneath their breaths. A very startled Jarrod tried to pull out, but Heath stopped him with a firm grasp on his ass and a panted plea, “Finish it!”
Jarrod grabbed Heath by the shoulders and pounded into him, concerned for nothing more than their release. In seconds, they were both shuddering in pleasure. Rolling off of Heath, Jarrod stumbled to shut and lock the door to the room, hoping to hold off Nick until they got dressed. On his way back to Heath, Jarrod grabbed their clothes so they could both get dressed. It wasn’t long before the two weary men were headed out to find out what brother Nick was doing there.
Nick paced nervously back and forth in front of the house. He blushed when he realized he’d interrupted something, based on their disheveled appearances. He stuttered, “Mother sent me up to see how you were doing and to bring more supplies.” Heath stood on the step not sure what to say. Jarrod stood above him, but clearly kept his distance.
“We’re doing just fine Nick.”
Planting his hands on his hips, he looked at both brothers, “Well, when are you comin’ home? I got a ranch to run and I could use some help.”
“It ain’t that easy Nick.”
“Aw hell, I know that, but we ain’t gonna settle nothin’ with you up here not talking to us.”
Jarrod remained silent, his emotions waging war with him. He remembered all too clearly his brother’s initial reaction and the words spoken in rage. His hand absently rubbed at the tender skin around his neck as they all stood in silence. Nick saw Jarrod’s unconscious gesture and walked closer and looked up at him and said with genuine regret, “I’m sorry for layin’ into ya like that Jarrod. I was wrong.”
“You tried to kill me, Nick.” Jarrod’s tone was distant as he spoke his thoughts still focused on the past.
Nick hung his head in shame, and he dropped onto the steps. His words were slow in coming and they seemed hesitant, “I just don’t understand it all. I want to but...” He turned and looked at both of them and confusion and hurt graced his face, “you’re brothers damn it and I just can’t see past that.”
Heath sat down opposite Nick on the steps, and Jarrod reluctantly sat down on the step above him. “When we met the first time we didn’t even know each other. No one was more surprised than we were to find out we was brothers,” stated Heath.
Rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration, Nick sighed, “Why?”
“Why what, Nick? Why did we do it anyway? Why couldn’t we leave well enough alone?” Heath’s own frustration and anger were starting to surface and Jarrod placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, then removed it just as quickly when he saw Nick startle at the simple gesture.
Jarrod leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he spoke, “You and Kate are getting married in what Nick, two months?” Nick’s eyebrows furrowed and he nodded, unsure what Jarrod was getting at.
“What if she were to suddenly show up on our doorstep and say she was your sister? What would you do Nick? Stop loving her?” Jarrod’s voice grew harder as he continued, “You have to see her everyday, but you can’t show her how you feel, cause all that stuff you enjoyed together is wrong now. All the feelings you have for her are wrong, but you have to live with her, pretend she’s just your sister. Could you do that Nick? Could you forget how you feel about her, knowing all the time that she feels exactly the same way you do?”
Nick looked surprised by Jarrod’s analogy, and retorted, “It ain’t the same. You’re men. Even the bible...”
Jarrod stood and shouted at Nick, “I know what the bible says Nick. I don’t need you telling me what I know. I live with it everyday. You think I want to be what I am. God Nick, I would give anything to be ‘normal’, but I’m not.” Jarrod slumped down to the step, burying his head in his hands in frustration. Heath was fighting every muscle in his body not to go to him, but even he couldn’t forget Nick’s presence.
“What’s wrong with women? I’ve known you both date em, why can’t you just find a good woman?”
Jarrod lifted his head and feigned a weak laugh at Nick, “It’s a show Nick...just a show.”
Nick raised his voice in ire, “You married Beth! You telling me it was all a lie to throw us off?”
There was hurt in Jarrod’s eyes as he shook his head and said sadly, “No. I thought I loved Beth, but when she was killed do you know what I thought of more than anything, Nick?” Nick shook his head and Jarrod looked at Heath, tears gathering, “I thought of Heath. What if it had been him that had been killed? I realized then that I was only kidding myself. I didn’t really love her, I was just trying to do the right thing, lead the good life and she died because of it.” Jarrod took several seconds to compose himself, “I know it’s wrong to feel the way I do, but I can no more change it than you could stop being who you are Nick. I didn’t ask to be this way, but I’m tired of denying it doesn’t exist.”
The desolation hung over Jarrod like a cloud as he stood and walked away from his brothers. Heath hurried after him and stopped him out of Nick’s hearing range. Nick watched as Heath grabbed his arm and the two men talked in hushed tones. Jarrod finally patted Heath’s shoulder and walked off. Heath watched him for a bit then returned to the house.
Nick nodded in Jarrod’s direction, “He okay?”
Heath turned and watched Jarrod, “No, but he will be.”
“And you, how are you doing?”
“I made my peace with it years ago, Nick.”
“How?”
Heath leaned into the hitching rail and told him, “I lived with some Indians way back and they told me all about how Indians see it different then we do. They call ‘em two-spirited and they have a very high status within the tribe. When I was with ‘em I started to see that it wasn’t something I could change, you’re either born with it or ya ain’t. It was a lot easier to accept when I figured out it wasn’t somethin’ I did or that I was evil because of it. I learned to hide it and live my life around it. Doin’ what Jarrod did. I dated women, even got serious a time or two, but it was never the same as being with...a man.” Nick sat wide-eyed as Heath spoke, “Aw hell, Nick! I can’t help what I am no more than Jarrod can.”
Nick waved him off, “I’m beginnin’ to see that, but that don’t excuse the fact that you’re still brothers.”
“I know it don’t and I wish more than anything we weren’t, but we are.” Heath hung his head as he spoke, “I couldn’t stop what I was feelin’ any more than he could Nick. Ya gotta understand that. When we found out we was brother’s it was already too late.” Heath blushed as he told Nick in a whisper, “Even if we didn’t admit it at the time...we loved each other.” Heath looked up at Nick and told him defiantly, “I won’t give him up, Nick. Not for you or anybody else.”
Nick realized in that moment that he was at risk of losing both his brothers if some sort of compromise wasn’t reached. He tentatively reached out a hand and clasped his brother’s shoulder, “We’ll work something out. I promise.”
Heath’s expression was relieved and he implored Nick, “You need to talk to him.”
Nick nodded his head in sorrow, “I know.”
Gesturing to the trees, Heath told him, “He’s at the pond.”
*
Jarrod sat on a large rock overlooking the pond, fingering the medallion that hung lazily around his neck. Seeing Nick approach, he steeled his expression and asked, “What do want, Nick?”
Sighing heavily, Nick sat nearby, “I want my brother’s back.”
“I want that too Nick, but I still have reservations about going back home.”
“Why?”
Jarrod huffed, “Why? So you can scrutinize my every move. Hell it was hard enough when no one knew.” Picking up a handful of rocks, he plunked them one by one into the water. Jarrod hesitated before asking Nick, “Are you going to tell Kate?”
Nick shook his head, “No, don’t figure it’s anybody’s business, but family.”
“She’s going to be your wife soon, Nick. That makes her family.”
“Well, I don’t figure on telling Eugene or Audra either.”
Jarrod frowned, “Why not?”
“Hell, Jarrod. I ain’t none to proud of the fact that you and Heath are doin’ what you’re doin’. You think I want anyone else to know about it,”
grunted Nick. Jarrod’s expression fell and Nick added quickly, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just figure the less people know the better. Me and Mother have to live with ya, they don’t.”
“And when Eugene moves back with Sarah and the boys, what then? They’ll be living there too.”
“Well that ain’t ‘til after the weddin’. Maybe things will be back to normal by then.”
“Your normal or our normal?” asked Jarrod, curious what Nick wanted from them.
Nick said with a slight annoyance, “Well from what I gather I’ve been living a lie since Heath got here, so I guess it would be ‘our’ normal.”
Jarrod looked at him in surprise, “That’s what’s got you riled ain’t it Nick. We didn’t tell you.”
The hurt was obvious as Nick spoke, “I always considered Heath my partner, wasn’t nothin’ he couldn’t tell me after all our years ridin’ together. And you, well...I knew, but...”
“You condemned me all those years ago. What did you expect me to say? You reacted exactly the way we thought you would. That’s why, Nick.”
Jarrod emphasized his last words and Nick sighed at the truth. “I’m sorry for hurtin’ ya so bad.” Jarrod seemed to ignore his apology and Nick pleaded with his older brother, “Come on Jarrod, I said I was sorry.”
Still absently throwing stones in the water, Jarrod stopped and said solemnly, “That don’t erase the things you said to me that day or the fact that you pretty much left me for dead, not caring whether I lived or died.”
Nick dropped his hand on Jarrod’s back, “I cared.”
Jarrod shrugged off Nicks hand and shook his head, a tinge of rejection in his voice, “No you didn’t, Nick. You were so intent on getting Heath away from me, you could have cared less. Damn Nick, think about it. Do you honestly believe I could have forced Heath to do something like that if he didn’t want to?”
Shaking his head dejectedly, Nick sighed, “No, I suppose not.” They sat in silence for a long time before Nick looked at Jarrod sheepishly, “You can hit me if it’ll make ya feel better.”
With a tight smile, Jarrod retorted, “While that does sound rather satisfying, Nick, I doubt it’ll solve much.”
Nick got quickly to his feet and planting his hands on his hips he glared down at Jarrod, “Come on, big brother. Show me what you got!”
Looking up at Nick, Jarrod shook his head, “I don’t want to fight you Nick.” Nick purposely leaned down and shoved Jarrod making him lose his balance.
Jarrod’s eyes darkened and he growled at him, “Knock it off Nick.” Getting to his feet, Jarrod tried to walk away and Nick rudely grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around to face him.
It was enough to push Jarrod over the edge and he hauled off and hit Nick squarely on the chin, dropping him like a rock. Nick shook his head to clear it and lifted up on one elbow as he rubbed his now tender jaw. “Feel better?”
Shaking his hand to ease the pain in his bleeding knuckles, Jarrod looked down at Nick, “NO!” A slow smile appeared, “Yes.”
Nick lifted his hand for help up and Jarrod hesitated only a second before helping Nick to his feet. Swaying a little, Nick let Jarrod steady him as he brushed himself off, “That was a hell of a punch, big brother!”
Jarrod slapped him on the back, “I was motivated.”
“Humph! How’s the hand?”
“I think it’s broke,” winced Jarrod, as he held it out for Nick to see. Already it was swelling and turning a deep purple around a couple of the knuckles.
“Serves ya right,” teased Nick, as they walked to the house.
Jarrod bantered back, “If you didn’t have such a hard head, it wouldn’t take so much to knock some sense into you.” Grasping his wrist he pulled his hand to his chest and held it there as they walked. The closer they got to the house the more Jarrod began to falter. He was sweating from the throbbing in his hand and when he stumbled, Heath rushed out to help. One look at the growing bruise on Nick’s jaw and he knew what had happened.
He told Jarrod with a lopsided grin as he guided him to the well for some cold water, “Try to miss bone next time, he’s too hardheaded if ya don’t.” Heath helped Jarrod sit and then squatted in front of him.
Jarrod nodded and chuckled, “I’ll try to remember that...for next time.”
“Ya know I’m still here!” said Nick indignantly. He pulled up the water bucket and handed it to Heath, as they laughed at him.
“Put yer hand in there Jarrod, it’ll help with the swelling.”
“Thanks.”
Heath winked at Jarrod and looked up at Nick, “Ya reckon ya had to break his hand to get us home?”
Nick snapped back at him, “Now I didn’t do...” Heath and Jarrod couldn’t hold back the laughter at Nick’s expected reaction to Heath’s teasing. Nick waved his hand at the two of them, “Arghh! I’m gonna hitch up the wagon and load up. If you two think you can take care of that.”
Lifting his head, Heath talked to Nick’s retreating back, “Sure Nick, no problem.” Turning back to Jarrod he asked with concern, “How is it?”
“Cold water feels pretty good.”
“Good. Leave it in there while I round up something to wrap it in.” Heath patted his leg as he got up. “I’ll be right back.”
Two hours later they were headed out. Heath and Jarrod rode in the wagon and Nick trailed beside them on Coco. Four hours into the trip and Jarrod was suffering from all the jostling. Bathed in sweat and grasping his hand tightly to his chest he bit back moan after moan over the bumpy roads. Heath reached under the seat and uncorking the canteen, handed it to Jarrod. Looking at him with thanks, Jarrod took a drink with a shaky hand and gave it back to him. Jarrod slumped into the seat from pain and exhaustion and Heath wrapped his arm around him, letting him lean into his shoulder. Nick rode up and asked worriedly, “You alright Jarrod?”
Sitting up quickly at Nick’s voice, Jarrod started to move away from Heath when Nick admonished him, “Don’t be so sensitive Jarrod. Let him help ya.” Jarrod was surprised but sighed with relief, in too much pain to argue. He tentatively leaned back into Heath, who again draped an arm across his shoulders for support. His touch was comforting and it wasn’t long before Jarrod drifted off to sleep.
Part 12
3 months later...
Heath slumped in the saddle, ready to call it a day. He hadn’t been sleeping well at all for over two months and it was taking its toll. Nick rode up beside him and it hurt him to see Heath looking so pathetic. He’d lost weight and his clothes hung loosely on his already lean frame. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, but as long as he’d been doing his work, Nick had been reluctant to say anything. His weariness was so evident that Nick asked sympathetically, “You wanna talk about it?”
“Ain’t nothing to talk about.” Heath trotted on ahead, hoping to end the conversation.
Nick easily caught up, “You’ve been like this for months, what is it? Is it Jarrod, the way he’s treatin’ ya?” Heath was astonished and Nick added, “Have you talked to him?”
“How ‘m I supposed to do that when he spends all his time in San Francisco? If I try to talk to him when he’s home, he just tells me it’s too hard with so many people watching our every move.”
“Well I have to admit, with Eugene and his crew back, things are a little more crowded, but that don’t account for him ignorin’ ya like he does.”
Heath just shrugged, “He’s got his reasons.”
Nick bristled, “Why you defendin’ him?”
“Because I know what he’s doin’ even if he don’t say so,” snapped Heath, irritated by Nick’s prodding. “Leave it be, Nick.”
“I can’t. Not when it’s affecting you like this.”
“I’m doin’ my job. It ain’t none of your business.” Heath’s angry glare was enough to make Nick back down.
Nick told him coolly, “Fine, but if this starts to affect your work or the men, it ain’t over little brother.”
***********
Jarrod came home two weeks later from San Francisco, and Nick could see that he was fairing no better than Heath. Both men bore signs of the inner turmoil they were feeling. Nick strode into the study intent on finding out just what was going on. Jarrod was stretched out in his chair, a cigar in one hand and a drink in the other, his feet up on the desk and his head thrown back as if he were sleeping. Only the worry lines on his face gave him away.
Nick got himself a drink and when Jarrod heard his presence he sat up and tried to concentrate on his work. Nick had other ideas, “You look like hell, big brother.”
“Thanks Nick, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter,” smirked Jarrod.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” Nick sat on the edge of the desk and Jarrod ignored him and went for another drink.
Jarrod poured himself a bourbon, “There is nothing to say.”
“You and Heath look like hell. Anytime Mother or I try to talk to you, you hightail it back to San Francisco. You ain’t dealing with it Jarrod, you’re running away from it.”
With a fierce look, Jarrod growled, “I’m doing the RIGHT thing.” Downing his drink, Jarrod slammed the glass to the table. Grabbing his hat, he turned to Nick before leaving, “You can’t have it both ways.”
Nick rushed towards him and grabbing his arm, spun him around. “You can’t go on like this. You’re killing yourselves!”
Shrugging angrily from Nick’s grasp, Jarrod hissed, “Back off, Nick!”
Nick held up his hands in defeat, and he sighed, “Fine, Jarrod. But at least talk to him. It’s eating him up inside that you won’t talk to him.”
Jarrod shook his head miserably and muttered, “I’m going for a ride.”
*
He returned several hours later feeling no better than when he left. Dropping his hat in the foyer, he was surprised to see the family gathered in the parlor. One look in his mother’s face and he knew that something was wrong. Victoria rushed forward and Jarrod held her at arms length as he asked, “Who?”
“It’s Heath.”
All the color drained from Jarrod’s face as he stared into his mother’s eyes, and asked, “What happened?”
“Diablo threw him and he was stepped on. Doctor Merar is with him now.”
Jarrod’s hands shook as he held his mother, and his steady voice belied his fear, “How bad, Mother?”
“His shoulder and his...head.” Victoria put her hand on Jarrod’s chest as she added with concern, “He was still unconscious when Nick brought him in.”
Pulling her close, he spoke reassuringly, “I’m sure he’ll be fine Mother.”
Victoria could feel Jarrod trembling beneath her hands and she whispered, “Go see how he’s doing, son.”
Kissing her forehead, he squared his shoulders and forced himself to remain calm. Proceeding up the stairs, he went to Heath’s room and found Nick holding him in his arms while Howard bandaged his head. Jarrod took a few tentative steps into the room, and nodded towards Heath when Doc Merar looked up at him. “How’s he doing?”
“He has a concussion and his shoulder is going to be pretty sore if he wakes.”
Jarrod grabbed for the end of the bed to steady himself, “IF?”
“It’s a head wound, Jarrod. There are no guarantees.”
Nick scowled, “He’ll be fine, Doc. Heath is too tough to let a horse keep him down.” He gently laid Heath down on the bed as the doctor finished.
“Keep him calm. See if you can get some molasses water in him. He is looking pretty thin to begin with and needs nourishment.” The doctor pointed to the bandages that wrapped his head, “Make sure you clean out that cut a couple times a day and I’ll be back in the morning to see how he’s doing. If he gets worse, send someone for me.”
“Sure, Doc,” said Nick absently, not taking his eyes off Heath.
Howard packed his bag up and headed towards the door. His eyes rested on Jarrod and noticed that Heath wasn’t the only one who seemed to have lost weight, “Are you feeling alright, Jarrod?”
Jarrod barely noticed the question, “I’m fine.” Remembering his manners, Jarrod reluctantly left his brothers, “Let me walk you down.”
Howard waved him off as they entered the hallway, “Stay. I know my way around.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Jarrod turned to go back into the room, but one look at Heath’s still form and he knew it would be impossible to remain detached, to pretend they were just brothers. With a heavy heart, he went to his own room and locked the door behind him.
So busy with Heath, the rest of the family hardly noticed Jarrod’s absence. Only when they gathered for breakfast the next morning did they realize that no one had seen him since the previous day. Eugene had spelled Nick early, and he’d managed to get a couple hours sleep before seeing to the ranch hands. Letting Duke, the foreman know what needed to be done, Nick went in search of Jarrod. He was tired and annoyed by the time he found Jarrod locked in his room. Pounding on the door, he hollered, “Open up, Jarrod.”
A quiet voice sounded from the other side of the door, “Go away, Nick.”
“Not gonna happen. Open the door or I’ll kick it in.”
Nick waited several tense moments before he heard the door click open. He slowly opened it and stepped into the room only to be assaulted by stale cigar smoke. “Geez, Jarrod. At least open a window.”
Striding across the room he threw open the window and tried waving some of the oppressive smoke out. His hands stopped in midair when he caught sight of Jarrod sitting in the chair by the fireplace. There was no fire, just Jarrod leaning forward with a cigar between his fingers, staring vacantly at the empty space. Unshaven and sitting in rumbled clothes, his distraught features seemed even more pronounced than they had the day before. The closer Nick got the more he could see in the darkened room. Jarrod’s eyes were rimmed red with dark circles beneath them, testimony to his lack of sleep. Ignoring Nick’s worried expression, Jarrod asked quietly, “How is he?”
“He’s tried to wake a couple times, but can’t quite get back.” Nick put a hand on Jarrod’s knee as he squatted in front of him, “He’ll come around. Take more than a kick to the head to stop Heath. He’s a Barkley, remember.” Jarrod only nodded, but Nick saw the sigh of relief pass over his features before the blank look returned. “Go see him, maybe you can get through to him.”
Jarrod shook his head, desolation in his voice as he muttered, “I can’t.”
With hands on his hips, Nick stood and glared down at him, “Why not?”
Nick barely heard Jarrod whisper, “If I go in there...I can’t be his brother.”
“Is that is what all this has been about? Being his brother?” Agitated, Nick paced the room. “A brother wouldn’t be sittin’ in here while another one was layin’ hurt in that other room.” Nick leaned over Jarrod and stated firmly, “You better decide just what it is you’re gonna be to that boy in there,” Nick pointed towards the door as he added, “cause right now you’re a sorry excuse for a brother and whatever else you wanna be to him.” Jarrod sat unmoving. Frustrated, Nick turned his back and strode angrily out of the room.
*
Nick relieved Eugene and was sitting with Heath, when he heard something at the door. He broke out in a smile when he saw a very weary Jarrod leaning heavily into the door jam. Jarrod acknowledged him with a nod, and Nick hurried to stand so that Jarrod could sit beside the bed, closer to Heath. With a shaky hand, Jarrod reached out very slowly, as if afraid and clasped Heath’s hand. He gasped as he touched Heath, and his body hunched over as he wept. Silent sobs racked his body and as Nick stood behind him, he gently reached out to squeeze his brother’s shoulder in comfort. It took several minutes for Jarrod to compose himself. Sitting up straighter, his eyes never leaving Heath he asked quietly, “What happened?”
Releasing his hand from Jarrod’s shoulder, Nick walked around the bed and slumped into the chair. He looked at Heath’s unconscious form on the bed and scrubbing his hands through his hair, stated sadly, “It’s was my fault. Heath’s been beggin’ me for a long time to let him have a place to work the horses. I put it off, telling him it wasn’t necessary.” Nick reached out and took Heath’s other hand, rubbing it as he continued, “He kept insisting that all the unexpected noises around the house and barn upset the horses when he was trying to work with ‘em.” Pausing as he remembered the accident, his voice wavered as he spoke, “He was up on Diablo and some of the men come out of the bunkhouse hollerin’ and carrin’ on. Heath lost his concentration for just a second. That was all it took for that horse to throw him. He reared up and came down on Heath.”
Nick stammered, “If I’d only listened to him, none of this woulda happened.”
A very weak voice came from the bed, “Not...your...fault. Damn...horse.”
As Nick listened to Heath, he noticed that his head was turned towards Jarrod and the two men’s eyes were locked onto each other. Rising from his seat, he wiped away a tear and silently left the room, closing the door behind him.
Heath asked hoarsely, “Water.”
Jarrod carefully helped him sit up and holding him in his arms, he held the glass for Heath to drink. As he finished, Jarrod set the glass aside and held Heath as he slumped against his chest. Jarrod leaned down and kissed his blonde head and whispered, “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t much of a brother was I?”
Heath pulled back enough to look up at Jarrod, “Don’t want... a brother,...just...you.”
Jarrod’s voice hitched as he spoke, “I tried it their way and all I did was hurt you. I couldn’t let you go no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it was the right thing to do.”
Looking back up at Jarrod, Heath shot him a tired grin, “You look...like hell.”
Jarrod cupped Heath’s face and whispered softly, “You’ve never looked better.” He leaned in and kissed him lightly then lowered him to the bed. “Get some rest.”
As Jarrod moved off the bed to sit in the chair, Heath grabbed his hand, “Stay!”
Patting his hand, Jarrod smiled warmly, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here.”
Nick came back an hour later to check on them and found both men sound asleep. Jarrod was slumped forward in the chair, his head resting at Heath’s side. He was going to be sore as hell when he woke up and Nick just shook his head at the sight. For the first time in months, his brothers seemed to be at peace and he wasn’t going to be the one to disturb that. Closing the door quietly, he went to inform his mother that all was well again.