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Title: Touch
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chaps1870
Pairing: McKay/Beckett
Word count: 6200 give or take
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine…tis a shame.
A/N: Written formice1900 for the Carson Beckett Slash Requestathon
Holding the datapad as he hurried towards level six, Rodney was trying to create an algorithm that would open the storage compartments they’d found there earlier in the week. They were more like lockers and so far most had been empty, but a few held items they had yet to identify. Each one was individually keyed and he had hopes that the program would unlock them without all the added work of figuring out the separate locks. It was worth the effort if it eventually opened all the compartments they had run across in their searches.
Continuing his way through the halls, he was startled by the appearance of Morgan and Yung, two of the newest recruits and in McKay’s opinion, two of the worst in the latest batch arriving from the Daedalus. General Landry of SGC had, in his infinite wisdom, decided that sending the youngest and brightest to Atlantis might augment the dwindling science staff and provide a wonderful learning opportunity for the fresh recruits.
They were smart, McKay couldn’t argue that point, but they had somehow gotten it in their heads that because they were selected straight out of school that they were somehow better than everyone else, present company included. They and a couple others assumed that because they were hand selected they didn’t have to pay their dues like everyone else had. It wasn’t just them either. There were a couple of military recruits that had bypassed the system in much the same way and had joined ranks with the cocky young scientists. Even Dr. Weir was becoming frustrated with their attitudes and was ready to transfer the whole lot of them back to Earth on the next available transport.
The group of dissenters about had a coronary when they were subjected to the same hazing that every newbie endured when arriving on Atlantis and had spent countless hours grumbling about those they thought responsible for the cold showers, stifling hot rooms and dirtiest jobs, namely the senior staff and had set about finding retribution.
McKay eyed Morgan and Yung nervously as they fell in beside him. Turning to Morgan, Rodney was about to ask what they were doing here instead of working on the solar panels in tower ten when he was blindsided. Out of nowhere the others in their group appeared and he found himself being held face first into the wall by two of Sheppard’s men, Hart and Kirbek with the rest of the high handed group, Morgan, Yung, Jamison, Lowe and Issacs circling around him.
His heart racing, Rodney struggled indignantly. “What the hell are you doing? Don’t you know who I am?”
They all laughed and Morgan sauntered closer, “Of course we do. You’re the one that made our first few days miserable with your welcoming committee. We only thought it fitting that we show our good nature and return the favor.” He nodded towards someone over Rodney’s back and continued, “You can take a joke can’t you, Doctor?”
There was little time to process anything before Rodney’s were hands tied and the group was dragging him towards the room he was originally headed for. He tried not to panic, knowing that sometimes the newbies took the initiative and tried to get back at those responsible for a few cold showers. Few seldom succeeded. This group, comprised of military and science personal were obviously more organized than any previous first timers.
Rodney did his best to dissuade them. “If you want to fit in, acting like twelve-year-olds out for revenge really isn’t the way to do it.”
“Oh right, McKay because you are all-knowing and all-powerful and can make our lives miserable,” said Hart, raising his hands in mock fright.
“Of course I can and I will if you don’t let me go,” snapped McKay, pulling at the ropes that bound his wrists in front of him.
Morgan slapped him on the back, “Suck it up, McKay. You and Zelenka don’t have the market on practical jokes. We can call it even after this.”
Turning sharply, Rodney glared at him, “You’re committing career suicide here. You know that don’t you? I can have your asses sent home and I guarantee it won’t look good on your resume.”
Jamison, one of the other scientists, rolled her eyes. “Oh shut up. You’re such a drama queen with your self importance. Do you think General Landry is going to listen to you after all the trouble he went through to get us here? Besides, the way I understand it, you won’t have all that much support. You piss off your own science staff on a daily basis and the way you talk about the military I’m surprised they haven’t already shot you. I’m thinking they might find this as funny as we do.”
“Yes, this is just a hoot, but I can assure you…” Rodney’s eyes widened as they pushed him towards the lockers. He went into full blown panic attack and dug his feet in. His voice was fast and high pitched as he began pleading desperately, “Don’t do this. I’m claustrophobic. Don’t put me in there.”
A piece of tape was slapped over his mouth as Morgan sighed dramatically, “Heard it all before. You’re hypoglycemic. You’re allergic to lemons…blah blah blah. You’ll be fine for a couple hours. We’ll be back after we’ve had a nice hot dinner.” He pushed against McKay’s shoulder and shoved him into the locker, ignoring the harsh breathing and terrified look on the scientist’s face as he locked the narrow panel shut. Pounding on it, he added with a laugh, “Maybe we’ll save you some dinner.”
It was pitch black in the tiny space, with no room to even move. Rodney managed to get his hands up enough to pound on the door but it made no difference. Sweat soaked his clothes as the pitch black brought the walls in and all he could think of was how much he hated small spaces. Darkness loomed closer, replacing the present with the past. Rodney was having difficulty pulling air into his lungs as the walls crept closer still. Through the tape that covered his mouth, he started to scream.
**************
Carson got to the mess hall and looked around for Rodney, but not seeing him, shook his head. He knew he should have made that side trip to the lab first to pick up the errant scientist. Seeing Radek eating alone, Carson grabbed a tray and headed over to join him. “Have you seen Rodney, he was supposed to meet me for supper?”
Looking up, Radek shook his head, “No, but that is Rodney.”
Taking a seat, Carson sighed with frustration, “I don’t know why I bother to eat with him when half the time he never shows up.”
“It is love,” Radek said innocently.
Carson turned red and sputtered, his face registering the shock. “What?”
Radek rolled his eyes and shook his head, “You eat with him everyday and he refuses to have another doctor touch him.” The scientist pushed up his glasses and went back to eating, “It is love.”
Speechless, Carson decided to eat rather than discuss it. He wasn’t thinking clearly enough at the moment to really respond any way. It hadn’t really occurred to him that his feelings for Rodney had gone beyond friendship, but sitting there eating his meal, he realized that maybe Radek was right. He looked forward to meals so that he could see Rodney and they often found an excuse a couple of times a week to meet in the evening. Oh god… the irritating personality, gorgeous eyes, obnoxious attitude, broad shoulders, wicked sense of humor, and damn it, Carson was in love with every bit of Rodney McKay.
It must have shown in his face, because Radek snorted, “I told you.”
Colonel Sheppard appeared at the table and motioned Radek over so he could sit, “Told you what?”
Radek scooted as he answered smugly, “Carson is in love.”
“Well it’s about damn time he noticed. I was thinking we were going to have to pass notes for them or something.”
Carson looked at him in shock and stuttered, “You knew too?”
“I am head of the military, Carson. I know everything,” replied Sheppard, raising an eyebrow as if he was omnipotent.
“Oh please!” smirked Carson. “Rodney told you didn’t he?”
Sheppard didn’t even bother looking chagrinned. Instead he laughed, “Yep.”
“Well why in bloody hell didn’t he tell me?” asked Carson, looking clearly upset by the whole conversation, indignant that he was obviously the last to know. He wasn’t surprised that Colonel Sheppard knew, not when he and Rodney were best friends.
“Because Rodney and social graces are an oxymoron,” grinned Sheppard. He took in Carson’s disappointment and added, “Hey, if it’s any consolation, I’ve been working on him telling you.”
Realizing that neither Sheppard or Radek seemed to have a problem with the whole thing, Carson relented, giving up hiding a lost cause with the two of them. “Speaking of social graces, has anyone seen him?”
Colonel Sheppard shook his head, but reached for his headset, “McKay?”
No answer so he tried again. Still nothing. The three men at the table all sat up a little straighter, “McKay, answer me?”
And then it came, a muffled squawk. Carson fumbled for his own headset, “Rodney, is that you?” Another incoherent answer only longer and three men at the table paled. They all stood together, turning sharply at the sudden uncontrolled laughter at the next table. Scowls followed as they took in the group that was slowly becoming the bane of their existence over the last week.
Morgan spoke up, unable to restrain his amusement, “He’s fine. We just played a little joke on him.”
Sheppard stormed closer, his face hardened military, “Where is he and what did you do to him?” Carson and Radek stood at his shoulders, worry filling their expressions. Those at the table were taken aback by the sudden concern the men showed. They would have bet their paychecks that everyone would have supported their plan to get back at the arrogant Chief of Science.
Hart and Kirbek had the sense to stand at attention after the Colonel shot them his best commanding officer look. Hart answered, “We locked him in one of the compartments he was working on. We were going to release him after dinner.”
“Oh crap.” Carson paled.
Radek grabbed his arm, supporting the worried physician. “He will be okay.”
Sheppard was already hightailing it out of the room with Carson not far behind. Radek started to follow, but stopped, turning back to address the table. His face reflected his own concern and anger over the situation. “Why?”
“Oh come on Doc, it was just a joke.”
“Dr. McKay is claustrophobic.”
“No one takes his whining seriously,” said Jamison, haughtily.
“Well, perhaps you should have. You may not like the way Dr. McKay complains, but he does not lie.” Radek turned away from their shocked expressions, and hurried after his friends. They followed, suddenly apprehensive about their actions.
Carson was torn between following John and stopping by the infirmary for a few things. The doctor in him won out and he detoured long enough to pick up his field pack. It would suffice if Rodney was hurt. Arriving on level six, slightly out of breath, more from panic than exertion, Carson pushed his way through the crowd of those responsible, surprised they had the nerve to show up.
Dr. Zelenka was trying to access the panel that Rodney was behind, while the colonel stood by anxiously. Jamison tried again to justify the group’s actions. “It was just a joke. We didn’t mean anything by it. We were only getting him back for all the shit he pulled on us that first day or two.”
Sheppard glared at them, his body taut with anger. “You took it too far.”
To say they were surprised by the concern for McKay was an understatement. None of them realized that McKay actually had friends, they hadn’t been on base long enough to see that despite the scientist’s caustic behavior, he still had managed to make friends. All they had seen was Dr. Zelenka’s seemingly disrespectful comments in response to McKay’s grumbling, Colonel Sheppard’s acerbic banter, and Dr. Beckett’s eye rolling at the scientist’s arrogance. They didn’t understand the dynamics of friendship that the three men shared with McKay. They didn’t know it was the only way they could get close to the man, and they all seemed to fit into the same mold, making it a natural friendship they all shared.
The access panel suddenly swooshed open and there was a collective gasp in the room. Rodney’s face was marred with tear streaks, his red-rimmed eyes wide and puffy. Where his wrists were tied, blood covered the rope and dripped down his arms from struggling against his bonds. It was only seconds as they stood taking in his haggard appearance, but it was an image that would haunt many of them for a long time.
Rodney fell forward, unable to maintain his balance without the support of the door holding him upright. Sheppard and Radek both grabbed for him, the stench of sweat and urine assaulting them as they lowered him to the floor. Soaked to the skin, his hair matted to his head, Rodney shook uncontrollably.
Carson’s heart was pounding, feeling the sympathy well up inside him. Pushing it away, he dropped to the floor to take the trembling man in his arms. “It’s okay, luv. We’ve got you.”
Colonel Sheppard reached for his knife and gently cut the ropes binding McKay’s wrists and reached for the tape when Radek stopped him. The scientist nodded towards the group at the door and spoke sharply, “Get them out of here.”
Looking over his shoulder, Sheppard noticed shocked faces of the perpetrators and reluctantly left Radek and Carson to tend to Rodney while he took care of the group of scientists and soldiers. With his hardest military expression he approached them and they cringed, wisely backing out of the room.
Very carefully, Carson reached out and pulled away the tape that covered Rodney’s mouth. Tears pricked Carson’s eyes as the scientist inhaled sharply and released a small sob of relief. Carson looked up at Radek and asked hesitantly, his anguish clear, “Do you think you could hold him while I clean his wrists? He needs to get warm.”
Knowing Rodney needed more than just warmth, Radek answered, “I think you should hold him and I will do as you tell me.”
Carson didn’t hesitate and slipped behind Rodney, his arms pulling him close to his chest, sharing his body heat to warm the shivering scientist. Rodney slumped in his embrace, and Carson’s heart broke in a thousand pieces. He offered soft reassurances as his fingers stroked Rodney’s cheek and brushed away dried tears. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
Rodney didn’t respond, other than to burrow further into Carson’s chest, ashamed to look up. As Radek reached out to take care of one of his wrists, Rodney pulled away, attempting to hide the evidence of his struggles in his lap. Carson’s fingers carded through Rodney’s damp hair, “Don’t luv, he’s only trying to help.”
Looking at Radek, Carson began issuing instructions between his soft words to Rodney. “Hand me a damp towel would you?” Radek wet a towel and handed it off to Carson, watching as the Doctor carefully cleaned Rodney’s face. He continued his own work of cleaning away the dried blood and sweat from McKay’s wrists and arms before lightly wrapping them in gauze. When they were finished, Carson spoke, “Let’s get him to the infirmary, then.”
For the first time since finding him, Rodney responded, his voice a mere whisper, “No.”
Leaning over his shoulder, Carson noticed the fear in Rodney’s face, “We need to take care of you. You’re probably suffering from low blood sugar and dehydration.”
Rodney shook his head, his voice raspy and raw as he pleaded. “My room. Do it there, Carson. Please.”
Glancing at Radek, Carson motioned towards his bag, “Hand me the bottle of water in there.”
Radek rummaged until he found it and offered it to McKay, whose hands still trembled and only with Carson’s steady hand did he get a drink. Rodney sighed his relief as the cool liquid took away some of the burning in his throat. It served to remind him of the terrified screaming he’d done only a short time ago and he head dropped to his chest as the redness crept into his face.
Looking down at his pants, he was reminded of other things that had happened. How his body had betrayed him during the height of his fear. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs, hiding his humiliation. It was a hopeless gesture. The smell alone gave away his weakness. He reeked of sweat, urine…and fear.
Carson and Radek’s faces fell at Rodney’s reaction. Radek reached for his headset without even conferring with the Doctor. “Colonel Sheppard.”
“What do you need, Radek?” answered Sheppard over the radio, his tone anxious.
“Dr. McKay would like to return to his quarters.”
When the Colonel didn’t respond, Radek added, “Could you please bring a blanket?” Radek kept his voice calm and professional, not wanting to raise any alarm within the grapevine. It was short and to the point, and both Radek and Carson watched as Rodney visibly relaxed.
Sheppard answered quickly this time, “Gotcha.”
Shifting his weight, Carson moved so he could hold Rodney again. He was surprised when Rodney let him, a testament to his present condition. Hands fisted in his shirt and Carson’s own hands rubbed soothing circles on Rodney’s back as they waited for the Colonel to return. They didn’t wait long and Carson could almost be disappointed by the sudden need to move, if it weren’t for the reason he was sitting there holding Rodney.
With some help, Rodney got to his feet, leaning heavily into Carson while Radek and John flanked him, ready to grab hold if needed. Grabbing the blanket, Sheppard draped it over Rodney’s shoulders. They watched as Rodney pulled it tight, hiding himself. No one said a word and carefully kept their eyes diverted until he was comfortable again. With a short pat on the back, Sheppard offered a smile, “Let’s get you home. I’ll take point.”
The lighthearted comment brought a tiny smile to McKay’s face as the four headed out. It was the only encouraging sign they’d gotten since pulling him from the nightmarish compartment. The normally boisterous scientist was unnervingly quiet as they made their way through the hallways to his room. Sheppard stayed ahead, quietly clearing their way of any curious onlookers, it wouldn’t do any good to make this worse than it had to be. He’d been witness to some of McKay’s lesser claustrophobic attacks and knew how sensitive the scientist could get after one of them. Those paled in comparison to this.
Rodney moved as quickly as he could but his body wasn’t cooperating and only Carson’s support kept him on his feet. His hands shook and his legs felt wobbly the closer he got to his quarters. Letting Carson take more of his weight, it should have felt awkward, but it didn’t. It felt nice and yet he was still reluctant to accept it. He liked Carson, too much perhaps and he didn’t want to risk damaging their friendship. It wasn’t like he had that many to spare. Sneaking a glance sideways, it dawned on him that the only real friends he had were here…helping him, taking care of him. It was startling and rather humbling but he unconsciously drifted closer to Carson enjoying the feeling while he could. He was freezing cold and shivered even against the warmth, he wasn’t close enough to really take the chill away.
The door to his quarters slid open and he stepped in, holding the blanket around him close, fearful of the pathetic looks if he removed it, that and it hid the worst of his shaking. Carson’s arm wrapped around his waist, leading him to the bed, “Sit down before you fall down.”
Rodney grumbled a response, but it lacked his normal vehemence. “I’m fine. You can go now.”
Colonel Sheppard paused inside the door alongside Radek, “Yeah, you look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.”
The teasing seemed to help and Rodney sneered at him, his voice still raw. “Yes, well it was fun for me too. Don’t you have something to do?”
Straightening from where he slouched against the wall, Sheppard said more seriously, “Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. You need anything?”
“You can turn the heat up in here,” asked Rodney, pulling the blanket closer.
Sheppard barely closed his eyes then smiled, “Done.”
Rodney smirked, “Smart ass.” Radek smiled along with Carson, both happy to see that Rodney was recovering somewhat, although he still looked like hell.
Waving on his way out the door, Sheppard gave a final goodbye, “I’ll check back later, I’m gonna go have a chat with Elizabeth.”
Radek shifted nervously, “I will go and get some food. I know that you get grumpy without supper.”
Doing his best to appear normal, Rodney griped, “Bring pudding. I know that bastard Strand is holding back on us and keeps the chocolate hidden.”
“Yes, because he is evil cook person that lives to torment you,” teased Radek with a straight face.
“Go. Get food.” Rodney waved him to the door, anxious to have some time alone. Carson he could deal with, the others not so much. He wanted a hot shower to wash away all the residue and hopefully take away the bone-chilling cold he was feeling. He was never more grateful when Radek left and he could slink off to the bathroom.
Carson wasn’t quite so accommodating and insisted on helping. Rodney snapped at him more harshly than intended, “Please, Carson. I’m fine. I just need to clean up.” Seeing the frown and slight hurt, Rodney added quietly, “Really.” Holding out his bandaged wrists he asked, “Can you cut these off so I can get a shower?”
Nodding, Carson retrieved scissors from the desk and cut away the gauze. It wasn’t the greatest idea, but he’d made sure that none of the scrapes or cuts were very deep when Radek was wrapping them. Besides he wasn’t going to deny Rodney his shower because of them. Rodney fidgeted as he was finishing and he added quickly, “A good cleaning won’t hurt but I’ll want to rebandage those when you come out. They need more tending anyway.”
“’Fine.” Hurrying to the bathroom, Rodney wasted no time removing his soiled clothes to step into the steaming water. Washing away the filth and sweat, he felt better but the coldness still remained. His wrists stung from the hot water and they looked red and raw from the chafing ropes.
Normally, his claustrophobia was manageable. He’d learned to deal with it and most of the time it wasn’t a real problem. It made him nervous in tight places but seldom precipitated a full blown panic attack. Today…today was different. The space was too small and too dark and having his hands tied only made it worse. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t even sit down and curl up. For three hours he stood there, wedged in place, unable to even breathe properly with the tape on his mouth. For three hours he was trapped in his own mind and it wasn’t a place he wanted to ever go again.
Standing under the hot water, the trembling began anew and he sank to floor, drawing his knees up and burying his head against them. Then the sobs started and he was powerless to stop the flow of emotions that welled up inside. He hadn’t felt so helpless since he was a child.
It was hard to say how long he sat there when warm hands slipped around him. He flinched away, forgetting where he was for a moment. Turning his head he found Carson, naked and smiling warmly. Embarrassed by his display of emotion, he hastily wiped at the tears, but Carson pulled his hand away and leaning closer, lightly kissed the saltiness away from his cheek. Carson’s breath brushed against his eyelids “Let me hold you.”
Rodney’s breath hitched at the searing heat of Carson’s lips on his face and nodded slowly, relaxing in the arms that held him close. Silent tears fell, but Carson’s touch warmed him in a way that hot water never could. No one had ever held him with such care or concern and it was a wonderful sensation. The soft caresses and tender kisses that brushed his skin said more than words ever could. “Carson.”
“Shhh…it’s okay,” whispered Carson, his hands rubbing away the cold, warming Rodney deeper than he thought possible. He leaned into the touch, wanting more, wanting it to take away the darkness that still lingered at the edges.
“I haven’t felt like that since I was a kid, Carson. I thought I’d never have to feel that way again,” said Rodney sadly, silent tears still sliding down his face.
“Tell me,” said Carson softly. He knew that Rodney hadn’t had the best childhood, but he seldom elaborated.
“They’d lock me in the closet. Tell me that I could come out when I behaved.” Rodney’s words were punctuated by an occasional sob and Carson held him tighter. “God, it was so dark. They’d leave me there for hours, all alone. I was always alone. Even when they let me out they’d just walk away and leave me. They didn’t care that I was terrified of the dark.”
Tears fell from Carson’s eyes as he listened to Rodney. “You don’t have to be alone anymore, luv. I’m here for you.”
Rodney breath hitched, but remained silent, until finally the last of his tears were washed away with the warm spray of the shower and the knowledge that someone cared. Carson’s hands drifted, touching him everywhere and when lips ghosted against his own, Rodney opened his eyes.
Deep, blue eyes gazed back at him, a touch of sadness welling up before him. Without any thought, Rodney reached up, cupping Carson’s face as he leaned closer, his eyes drifting shut as their lips met in a tentative kiss. It was slow and soft, neither man pushing, just enjoying the wonder of it.
When the came up for air, both were breathless and flush. Carson smiled and ducked his head shyly, “Are you feeling better?”
Rodney paused a moment, thinking then smiled as he nodded, “Yeah I am.” His hands wouldn’t stay still and they roamed Carson’s naked flesh as he added hesitantly, “Are you okay with this?”
A finger drifted over his nipple and Carson’s breath snagged as he tried to answer, “Aye, very okay.” Carson’s head went back, his mouth slack as Rodney’s hands traced paths up and down his skin, sending fire to his groin.
As Rodney’s fingers drifted lower, poised at Carson’s waist, he whispered huskily, “Can I touch you?”
“Oh god, yes,” moaned Carson, his own hands finding Rodney’s aroused flesh and wanting to touch it, feel it. “I want you so bad.”
Hands turned desperate, grasping for long neglected need until Rodney gasped between breaths, “I…I…oh god, Carson…stop.”
Carson’s hands stilled instantly, afraid he’d overstepped some boundary with Rodney. He suddenly felt guilty for taking advantage of the situation and pulled away, berating himself for being so selfish. Getting to his feet, Carson muttered apologetically, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
Seeing the hurt and confusion, Rodney scrambled to his feet and wrapped his arms around Carson. “No…no, not that. I just…I was too close.” His hand clasped Carson’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. “I want you in me is all.”
Eyes wide, Carson smiled, “Oh.” Pulling away from the kiss, he grinned, “I can do that.”
Their kiss deepened, tongues and teeth battling for possession until Carson turned Rodney, pushing his weight against his back as his hard length pressed against his ass. Rodney whimpered, his hands reaching back to increase the contact, “Please, Carson.”
Needy and getting desperate, Carson’s eyes frantically searched the shower for something to ease penetration and he fumbled with the crème rinse. Covering his hand with the thick substance, he reached into the cleft of Rodney’s ass to tease his entrance. The effect was immediate and Rodney bucked under his touch, his breathing harsher as he begged, “Don’t stop.”
“Shhh, luv. Relax,” hissed Carson, his own breathing fast as he eased a finger in, pushing forward until he breached the tight ring.
Rodney pushed his hips back, deepening the penetration and stilling at the forgotten sensation. As Carson’s finger brushed his prostate, Rodney cried out, “Oh god, yes…right there.”
Carson added another finger and then another, twisting and pushing until Rodney was writhing under his touch, pushing onto his fingers in a desperate attempt to deepen the penetration, moaning deliriously the whole time. Leaning close, Carson breathed in Rodney’s ear, “So hot, luv. You don’t know what you’re doin’ to me.”
Twisting his head back, Rodney turned enough so that Carson could capture his lips. The kiss was passionate, filled with need and Rodney turned away, leaning heavily into the wall, “Please Carson…now!”
Nodding, Carson removed his fingers, failing miserably to ignore Rodney’s mewling at the loss. Gripping Rodney’s ass in one hand and his pulsing, engorged shaft in the other, Carson guided it to Rodney’s puckered entrance. Taking a deep breath to calm his raging emotions, he pushed in, stilling only when his crown popped past the quivering muscles.
Rodney was panting with need, pushing back onto Carson’s length as his hands scrambled against the wall for some sort of purchase. Easing deeper, Carson reached for Rodney’s fingers and entwining them in his own, shifted them above his head. Each inch in the tight heat of Rodney’s ass was pulling him closer and closer to the point of no return.
Finally, fully sheathed and throbbing painfully, Carson leaned heavily into Rodney’s back, pulling in several sharp breaths until he could regain some control. It was too much and he’d wanted this for too long to be denied but he held back, knowing somewhere deep inside that this wasn’t about him…not this time.
The wiggling and needy sounds coming from Rodney brought him out of his musings and he pulled out slowly until only the crown of his thick shaft remained. He held it there, teasingly until Rodney begged, “Ohgodohgodohgod, Carson do something!”
He slammed forward, burying himself balls deep and savoring Rodney’s scream, “Again!”
“Ngh,” grunted Carson, repeating the move again and again.
Pinned to the wall by Carson’s weight, his arms stretched above his head, Rodney was desperately crying out for release. Rodney was so tight and so open with his emotions that Carson was desperately trying to hang on. Feeling the sudden tightening at the base of his shaft, he removed his hand from Rodney’s and snaked it around his waist finding his cock weeping and hot in his hand. He stroked hard and fast, timing it to his own thrusts. Rodney stilled under him, and screamed his release, “Carsonnnnnnnnnnnn!”
The hot liquid covered his hand and the wall and it was enough to send Carson over the edge as Rodney’s spasms gripped him harder. His hips shot forward, pounding into Rodney one last time before he erupted, filling him. He thrust weakly a few times as he emptied himself deep into his now lover.
Their knees buckling under the intensity of the moment, they sank to the floor, a tangle of arms and legs. It took a few moments to regain their breath and it was Rodney that spoke first, “That was incredible…mind numbing…gut wrenching…” His voice drifted off.
Carson blushed, “Aye.”
Sitting on the floor of the shower, water dripping into their eyes and mouths, Rodney sighed, “I’m turning into a prune.” He still didn’t make any effort to move and his eyelids fluttered shut as he settled against Carson, relaxing more with each breath.
Reluctantly, Carson thought the water off and leaned far enough out of the shower to grab a towel. Rodney let himself be dried off, a contented smile of pure satisfaction gracing his face. Carson nudged him, “Come on you lazy whanker, get up.”
“Hmm” Rodney nodded and sat up, “Pushy bastard.” Getting to his feet, he reached out and pulled Carson back as he tried to leave the shower. With a tender kiss he buried his head in Carson’s shoulder and muttered, “Thanks.”
Carson’s hands drifted slowly up and down his back, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I can’t say that I’m sorry for this.”
Silence met his remark and Carson’s heart stopped, afraid he’d messed the whole thing up mentioning the earlier incident. Rodney must have felt him tense because the next thing he knew he was laying flat on his back on the bed, hot kisses covering his face and neck. He opened his eyes and Rodney’s face focused above him, grinning from ear to ear, “I’m not sorry either.”
Rodney started kissing again, but lifted up, smelling the air, “Food. I smell food.” His eyes darted around the room, finding the tray that Radek must have dropped off.
Carson’s head fell back on the bed with a sigh, “I can see where I rate.” Lifting up on one elbow, he watched as Rodney shifted on the bed and pulled the tray of food onto the bed beside them. “Well at least your appetite hasn’t suffered,” he teased, unable to keep from smiling as Rodney glared at him and began eating.
“I missed supper.” He swallowed and gave Carson a kiss as if it were the most natural thing in the world, “Besides, I’m going to need my strength for later.”
A blush rose in Carson’s cheeks and his dick twitched, “Eat.” Rodney ate, but not without a lot of kissing and sharing of his dessert.
*********
The four them, Rodney, Carson, Radek and John, stood in the control room looking down on the gate room. Rodney stood next to Carson, practically leaning into him, but not quite. Radek was to one side and the Colonel on the other. They all watched the proceedings below with great interest. Carson asked innocently, “Time?”
Sheppard lifted his watch, “One minute.”
Rodney stepped out on the balcony and the others followed as they lined up at the rail. Carson slipped beside him, dropping his hand on the scientist’s shoulder at they looked down on those below. Rodney glanced at his watch then smiled wickedly as he lifted his hand and gave the group below an exaggerated wave. He spoke out the side of his mouth to the others, “Smile and wave at that stupid people.”
Carson, Radek and Sheppard all looked at him in shocked surprise then followed suit, laughing as they raising hands to wave. They smiled broadly at the seven people and all their gear gathered in the Gateroom below. Looking up in disbelief, the shoulders of Jamison, Hart, Morgan, Kirbek, Yung, Issacs and Lowe slumped. They couldn’t hear what was being said above them but they knew the joke was on them and most of them ducked their heads in shame.
Sheppard glanced sideways at McKay and flashed a cocky grin before turning back to the proceedings beneath them. Speaking only loud enough for the others to hear, he said sarcastically, “Don’t forget to write.”
Hearing McKay laugh, Radek added with his typical straight faced delivery, “Enjoy new career at McDonalds.”
“Don’t let the door hit you in the arse,” chimed Carson, savoring the smile on Rodney’s face as they all joined in his moment. If this is what was needed to purge the last vestiges of his harrowing experience and find closure then it was the least they could do.
The group of dissenters had realized far too late that Dr. Rodney McKay had not only earned the respect of his colleagues but had also acquired friends during his tenure on Atlantis. They’d been able to witness the camaraderie of the men above only briefly before they were transported away in a beam of light.
Zelenka and Sheppard slipped away leaving Carson and Rodney alone. Rodney stood a few extra seconds, then turned away his smile fading a bit as he snorted, “That probably felt better than it should have.”
Carson gently squeezed his shoulder, flashing him a warm smile that spoke volumes. “Felt just right to me.”
Reaching up, Rodney covered Carson’s hand, his fingers lingering as he blushed. Recovering quickly, he dropped his hand, huffing with feigned indignity, “Well, if you want to do dinner then I need to get some work done.”
“Well I’d hate to keep you from you’re work. The sooner you get done the sooner we can do other things,” teased Carson, enjoying the redness that crept back into his lover’s face.
“You are a wicked man, Carson.” He flashed him a genuine smile and hurried back to work, determined to finish before supper. This new thing between them was definitely worth the effort and Rodney didn’t want to miss out on a second of it.
Author:
chaps1870Pairing: McKay/Beckett
Word count: 6200 give or take
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine…tis a shame.
A/N: Written for
mice1900 for the Carson Beckett Slash RequestathonHolding the datapad as he hurried towards level six, Rodney was trying to create an algorithm that would open the storage compartments they’d found there earlier in the week. They were more like lockers and so far most had been empty, but a few held items they had yet to identify. Each one was individually keyed and he had hopes that the program would unlock them without all the added work of figuring out the separate locks. It was worth the effort if it eventually opened all the compartments they had run across in their searches.
Continuing his way through the halls, he was startled by the appearance of Morgan and Yung, two of the newest recruits and in McKay’s opinion, two of the worst in the latest batch arriving from the Daedalus. General Landry of SGC had, in his infinite wisdom, decided that sending the youngest and brightest to Atlantis might augment the dwindling science staff and provide a wonderful learning opportunity for the fresh recruits.
They were smart, McKay couldn’t argue that point, but they had somehow gotten it in their heads that because they were selected straight out of school that they were somehow better than everyone else, present company included. They and a couple others assumed that because they were hand selected they didn’t have to pay their dues like everyone else had. It wasn’t just them either. There were a couple of military recruits that had bypassed the system in much the same way and had joined ranks with the cocky young scientists. Even Dr. Weir was becoming frustrated with their attitudes and was ready to transfer the whole lot of them back to Earth on the next available transport.
The group of dissenters about had a coronary when they were subjected to the same hazing that every newbie endured when arriving on Atlantis and had spent countless hours grumbling about those they thought responsible for the cold showers, stifling hot rooms and dirtiest jobs, namely the senior staff and had set about finding retribution.
McKay eyed Morgan and Yung nervously as they fell in beside him. Turning to Morgan, Rodney was about to ask what they were doing here instead of working on the solar panels in tower ten when he was blindsided. Out of nowhere the others in their group appeared and he found himself being held face first into the wall by two of Sheppard’s men, Hart and Kirbek with the rest of the high handed group, Morgan, Yung, Jamison, Lowe and Issacs circling around him.
His heart racing, Rodney struggled indignantly. “What the hell are you doing? Don’t you know who I am?”
They all laughed and Morgan sauntered closer, “Of course we do. You’re the one that made our first few days miserable with your welcoming committee. We only thought it fitting that we show our good nature and return the favor.” He nodded towards someone over Rodney’s back and continued, “You can take a joke can’t you, Doctor?”
There was little time to process anything before Rodney’s were hands tied and the group was dragging him towards the room he was originally headed for. He tried not to panic, knowing that sometimes the newbies took the initiative and tried to get back at those responsible for a few cold showers. Few seldom succeeded. This group, comprised of military and science personal were obviously more organized than any previous first timers.
Rodney did his best to dissuade them. “If you want to fit in, acting like twelve-year-olds out for revenge really isn’t the way to do it.”
“Oh right, McKay because you are all-knowing and all-powerful and can make our lives miserable,” said Hart, raising his hands in mock fright.
“Of course I can and I will if you don’t let me go,” snapped McKay, pulling at the ropes that bound his wrists in front of him.
Morgan slapped him on the back, “Suck it up, McKay. You and Zelenka don’t have the market on practical jokes. We can call it even after this.”
Turning sharply, Rodney glared at him, “You’re committing career suicide here. You know that don’t you? I can have your asses sent home and I guarantee it won’t look good on your resume.”
Jamison, one of the other scientists, rolled her eyes. “Oh shut up. You’re such a drama queen with your self importance. Do you think General Landry is going to listen to you after all the trouble he went through to get us here? Besides, the way I understand it, you won’t have all that much support. You piss off your own science staff on a daily basis and the way you talk about the military I’m surprised they haven’t already shot you. I’m thinking they might find this as funny as we do.”
“Yes, this is just a hoot, but I can assure you…” Rodney’s eyes widened as they pushed him towards the lockers. He went into full blown panic attack and dug his feet in. His voice was fast and high pitched as he began pleading desperately, “Don’t do this. I’m claustrophobic. Don’t put me in there.”
A piece of tape was slapped over his mouth as Morgan sighed dramatically, “Heard it all before. You’re hypoglycemic. You’re allergic to lemons…blah blah blah. You’ll be fine for a couple hours. We’ll be back after we’ve had a nice hot dinner.” He pushed against McKay’s shoulder and shoved him into the locker, ignoring the harsh breathing and terrified look on the scientist’s face as he locked the narrow panel shut. Pounding on it, he added with a laugh, “Maybe we’ll save you some dinner.”
It was pitch black in the tiny space, with no room to even move. Rodney managed to get his hands up enough to pound on the door but it made no difference. Sweat soaked his clothes as the pitch black brought the walls in and all he could think of was how much he hated small spaces. Darkness loomed closer, replacing the present with the past. Rodney was having difficulty pulling air into his lungs as the walls crept closer still. Through the tape that covered his mouth, he started to scream.
**************
Carson got to the mess hall and looked around for Rodney, but not seeing him, shook his head. He knew he should have made that side trip to the lab first to pick up the errant scientist. Seeing Radek eating alone, Carson grabbed a tray and headed over to join him. “Have you seen Rodney, he was supposed to meet me for supper?”
Looking up, Radek shook his head, “No, but that is Rodney.”
Taking a seat, Carson sighed with frustration, “I don’t know why I bother to eat with him when half the time he never shows up.”
“It is love,” Radek said innocently.
Carson turned red and sputtered, his face registering the shock. “What?”
Radek rolled his eyes and shook his head, “You eat with him everyday and he refuses to have another doctor touch him.” The scientist pushed up his glasses and went back to eating, “It is love.”
Speechless, Carson decided to eat rather than discuss it. He wasn’t thinking clearly enough at the moment to really respond any way. It hadn’t really occurred to him that his feelings for Rodney had gone beyond friendship, but sitting there eating his meal, he realized that maybe Radek was right. He looked forward to meals so that he could see Rodney and they often found an excuse a couple of times a week to meet in the evening. Oh god… the irritating personality, gorgeous eyes, obnoxious attitude, broad shoulders, wicked sense of humor, and damn it, Carson was in love with every bit of Rodney McKay.
It must have shown in his face, because Radek snorted, “I told you.”
Colonel Sheppard appeared at the table and motioned Radek over so he could sit, “Told you what?”
Radek scooted as he answered smugly, “Carson is in love.”
“Well it’s about damn time he noticed. I was thinking we were going to have to pass notes for them or something.”
Carson looked at him in shock and stuttered, “You knew too?”
“I am head of the military, Carson. I know everything,” replied Sheppard, raising an eyebrow as if he was omnipotent.
“Oh please!” smirked Carson. “Rodney told you didn’t he?”
Sheppard didn’t even bother looking chagrinned. Instead he laughed, “Yep.”
“Well why in bloody hell didn’t he tell me?” asked Carson, looking clearly upset by the whole conversation, indignant that he was obviously the last to know. He wasn’t surprised that Colonel Sheppard knew, not when he and Rodney were best friends.
“Because Rodney and social graces are an oxymoron,” grinned Sheppard. He took in Carson’s disappointment and added, “Hey, if it’s any consolation, I’ve been working on him telling you.”
Realizing that neither Sheppard or Radek seemed to have a problem with the whole thing, Carson relented, giving up hiding a lost cause with the two of them. “Speaking of social graces, has anyone seen him?”
Colonel Sheppard shook his head, but reached for his headset, “McKay?”
No answer so he tried again. Still nothing. The three men at the table all sat up a little straighter, “McKay, answer me?”
And then it came, a muffled squawk. Carson fumbled for his own headset, “Rodney, is that you?” Another incoherent answer only longer and three men at the table paled. They all stood together, turning sharply at the sudden uncontrolled laughter at the next table. Scowls followed as they took in the group that was slowly becoming the bane of their existence over the last week.
Morgan spoke up, unable to restrain his amusement, “He’s fine. We just played a little joke on him.”
Sheppard stormed closer, his face hardened military, “Where is he and what did you do to him?” Carson and Radek stood at his shoulders, worry filling their expressions. Those at the table were taken aback by the sudden concern the men showed. They would have bet their paychecks that everyone would have supported their plan to get back at the arrogant Chief of Science.
Hart and Kirbek had the sense to stand at attention after the Colonel shot them his best commanding officer look. Hart answered, “We locked him in one of the compartments he was working on. We were going to release him after dinner.”
“Oh crap.” Carson paled.
Radek grabbed his arm, supporting the worried physician. “He will be okay.”
Sheppard was already hightailing it out of the room with Carson not far behind. Radek started to follow, but stopped, turning back to address the table. His face reflected his own concern and anger over the situation. “Why?”
“Oh come on Doc, it was just a joke.”
“Dr. McKay is claustrophobic.”
“No one takes his whining seriously,” said Jamison, haughtily.
“Well, perhaps you should have. You may not like the way Dr. McKay complains, but he does not lie.” Radek turned away from their shocked expressions, and hurried after his friends. They followed, suddenly apprehensive about their actions.
Carson was torn between following John and stopping by the infirmary for a few things. The doctor in him won out and he detoured long enough to pick up his field pack. It would suffice if Rodney was hurt. Arriving on level six, slightly out of breath, more from panic than exertion, Carson pushed his way through the crowd of those responsible, surprised they had the nerve to show up.
Dr. Zelenka was trying to access the panel that Rodney was behind, while the colonel stood by anxiously. Jamison tried again to justify the group’s actions. “It was just a joke. We didn’t mean anything by it. We were only getting him back for all the shit he pulled on us that first day or two.”
Sheppard glared at them, his body taut with anger. “You took it too far.”
To say they were surprised by the concern for McKay was an understatement. None of them realized that McKay actually had friends, they hadn’t been on base long enough to see that despite the scientist’s caustic behavior, he still had managed to make friends. All they had seen was Dr. Zelenka’s seemingly disrespectful comments in response to McKay’s grumbling, Colonel Sheppard’s acerbic banter, and Dr. Beckett’s eye rolling at the scientist’s arrogance. They didn’t understand the dynamics of friendship that the three men shared with McKay. They didn’t know it was the only way they could get close to the man, and they all seemed to fit into the same mold, making it a natural friendship they all shared.
The access panel suddenly swooshed open and there was a collective gasp in the room. Rodney’s face was marred with tear streaks, his red-rimmed eyes wide and puffy. Where his wrists were tied, blood covered the rope and dripped down his arms from struggling against his bonds. It was only seconds as they stood taking in his haggard appearance, but it was an image that would haunt many of them for a long time.
Rodney fell forward, unable to maintain his balance without the support of the door holding him upright. Sheppard and Radek both grabbed for him, the stench of sweat and urine assaulting them as they lowered him to the floor. Soaked to the skin, his hair matted to his head, Rodney shook uncontrollably.
Carson’s heart was pounding, feeling the sympathy well up inside him. Pushing it away, he dropped to the floor to take the trembling man in his arms. “It’s okay, luv. We’ve got you.”
Colonel Sheppard reached for his knife and gently cut the ropes binding McKay’s wrists and reached for the tape when Radek stopped him. The scientist nodded towards the group at the door and spoke sharply, “Get them out of here.”
Looking over his shoulder, Sheppard noticed shocked faces of the perpetrators and reluctantly left Radek and Carson to tend to Rodney while he took care of the group of scientists and soldiers. With his hardest military expression he approached them and they cringed, wisely backing out of the room.
Very carefully, Carson reached out and pulled away the tape that covered Rodney’s mouth. Tears pricked Carson’s eyes as the scientist inhaled sharply and released a small sob of relief. Carson looked up at Radek and asked hesitantly, his anguish clear, “Do you think you could hold him while I clean his wrists? He needs to get warm.”
Knowing Rodney needed more than just warmth, Radek answered, “I think you should hold him and I will do as you tell me.”
Carson didn’t hesitate and slipped behind Rodney, his arms pulling him close to his chest, sharing his body heat to warm the shivering scientist. Rodney slumped in his embrace, and Carson’s heart broke in a thousand pieces. He offered soft reassurances as his fingers stroked Rodney’s cheek and brushed away dried tears. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
Rodney didn’t respond, other than to burrow further into Carson’s chest, ashamed to look up. As Radek reached out to take care of one of his wrists, Rodney pulled away, attempting to hide the evidence of his struggles in his lap. Carson’s fingers carded through Rodney’s damp hair, “Don’t luv, he’s only trying to help.”
Looking at Radek, Carson began issuing instructions between his soft words to Rodney. “Hand me a damp towel would you?” Radek wet a towel and handed it off to Carson, watching as the Doctor carefully cleaned Rodney’s face. He continued his own work of cleaning away the dried blood and sweat from McKay’s wrists and arms before lightly wrapping them in gauze. When they were finished, Carson spoke, “Let’s get him to the infirmary, then.”
For the first time since finding him, Rodney responded, his voice a mere whisper, “No.”
Leaning over his shoulder, Carson noticed the fear in Rodney’s face, “We need to take care of you. You’re probably suffering from low blood sugar and dehydration.”
Rodney shook his head, his voice raspy and raw as he pleaded. “My room. Do it there, Carson. Please.”
Glancing at Radek, Carson motioned towards his bag, “Hand me the bottle of water in there.”
Radek rummaged until he found it and offered it to McKay, whose hands still trembled and only with Carson’s steady hand did he get a drink. Rodney sighed his relief as the cool liquid took away some of the burning in his throat. It served to remind him of the terrified screaming he’d done only a short time ago and he head dropped to his chest as the redness crept into his face.
Looking down at his pants, he was reminded of other things that had happened. How his body had betrayed him during the height of his fear. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs, hiding his humiliation. It was a hopeless gesture. The smell alone gave away his weakness. He reeked of sweat, urine…and fear.
Carson and Radek’s faces fell at Rodney’s reaction. Radek reached for his headset without even conferring with the Doctor. “Colonel Sheppard.”
“What do you need, Radek?” answered Sheppard over the radio, his tone anxious.
“Dr. McKay would like to return to his quarters.”
When the Colonel didn’t respond, Radek added, “Could you please bring a blanket?” Radek kept his voice calm and professional, not wanting to raise any alarm within the grapevine. It was short and to the point, and both Radek and Carson watched as Rodney visibly relaxed.
Sheppard answered quickly this time, “Gotcha.”
Shifting his weight, Carson moved so he could hold Rodney again. He was surprised when Rodney let him, a testament to his present condition. Hands fisted in his shirt and Carson’s own hands rubbed soothing circles on Rodney’s back as they waited for the Colonel to return. They didn’t wait long and Carson could almost be disappointed by the sudden need to move, if it weren’t for the reason he was sitting there holding Rodney.
With some help, Rodney got to his feet, leaning heavily into Carson while Radek and John flanked him, ready to grab hold if needed. Grabbing the blanket, Sheppard draped it over Rodney’s shoulders. They watched as Rodney pulled it tight, hiding himself. No one said a word and carefully kept their eyes diverted until he was comfortable again. With a short pat on the back, Sheppard offered a smile, “Let’s get you home. I’ll take point.”
The lighthearted comment brought a tiny smile to McKay’s face as the four headed out. It was the only encouraging sign they’d gotten since pulling him from the nightmarish compartment. The normally boisterous scientist was unnervingly quiet as they made their way through the hallways to his room. Sheppard stayed ahead, quietly clearing their way of any curious onlookers, it wouldn’t do any good to make this worse than it had to be. He’d been witness to some of McKay’s lesser claustrophobic attacks and knew how sensitive the scientist could get after one of them. Those paled in comparison to this.
Rodney moved as quickly as he could but his body wasn’t cooperating and only Carson’s support kept him on his feet. His hands shook and his legs felt wobbly the closer he got to his quarters. Letting Carson take more of his weight, it should have felt awkward, but it didn’t. It felt nice and yet he was still reluctant to accept it. He liked Carson, too much perhaps and he didn’t want to risk damaging their friendship. It wasn’t like he had that many to spare. Sneaking a glance sideways, it dawned on him that the only real friends he had were here…helping him, taking care of him. It was startling and rather humbling but he unconsciously drifted closer to Carson enjoying the feeling while he could. He was freezing cold and shivered even against the warmth, he wasn’t close enough to really take the chill away.
The door to his quarters slid open and he stepped in, holding the blanket around him close, fearful of the pathetic looks if he removed it, that and it hid the worst of his shaking. Carson’s arm wrapped around his waist, leading him to the bed, “Sit down before you fall down.”
Rodney grumbled a response, but it lacked his normal vehemence. “I’m fine. You can go now.”
Colonel Sheppard paused inside the door alongside Radek, “Yeah, you look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.”
The teasing seemed to help and Rodney sneered at him, his voice still raw. “Yes, well it was fun for me too. Don’t you have something to do?”
Straightening from where he slouched against the wall, Sheppard said more seriously, “Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. You need anything?”
“You can turn the heat up in here,” asked Rodney, pulling the blanket closer.
Sheppard barely closed his eyes then smiled, “Done.”
Rodney smirked, “Smart ass.” Radek smiled along with Carson, both happy to see that Rodney was recovering somewhat, although he still looked like hell.
Waving on his way out the door, Sheppard gave a final goodbye, “I’ll check back later, I’m gonna go have a chat with Elizabeth.”
Radek shifted nervously, “I will go and get some food. I know that you get grumpy without supper.”
Doing his best to appear normal, Rodney griped, “Bring pudding. I know that bastard Strand is holding back on us and keeps the chocolate hidden.”
“Yes, because he is evil cook person that lives to torment you,” teased Radek with a straight face.
“Go. Get food.” Rodney waved him to the door, anxious to have some time alone. Carson he could deal with, the others not so much. He wanted a hot shower to wash away all the residue and hopefully take away the bone-chilling cold he was feeling. He was never more grateful when Radek left and he could slink off to the bathroom.
Carson wasn’t quite so accommodating and insisted on helping. Rodney snapped at him more harshly than intended, “Please, Carson. I’m fine. I just need to clean up.” Seeing the frown and slight hurt, Rodney added quietly, “Really.” Holding out his bandaged wrists he asked, “Can you cut these off so I can get a shower?”
Nodding, Carson retrieved scissors from the desk and cut away the gauze. It wasn’t the greatest idea, but he’d made sure that none of the scrapes or cuts were very deep when Radek was wrapping them. Besides he wasn’t going to deny Rodney his shower because of them. Rodney fidgeted as he was finishing and he added quickly, “A good cleaning won’t hurt but I’ll want to rebandage those when you come out. They need more tending anyway.”
“’Fine.” Hurrying to the bathroom, Rodney wasted no time removing his soiled clothes to step into the steaming water. Washing away the filth and sweat, he felt better but the coldness still remained. His wrists stung from the hot water and they looked red and raw from the chafing ropes.
Normally, his claustrophobia was manageable. He’d learned to deal with it and most of the time it wasn’t a real problem. It made him nervous in tight places but seldom precipitated a full blown panic attack. Today…today was different. The space was too small and too dark and having his hands tied only made it worse. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t even sit down and curl up. For three hours he stood there, wedged in place, unable to even breathe properly with the tape on his mouth. For three hours he was trapped in his own mind and it wasn’t a place he wanted to ever go again.
Standing under the hot water, the trembling began anew and he sank to floor, drawing his knees up and burying his head against them. Then the sobs started and he was powerless to stop the flow of emotions that welled up inside. He hadn’t felt so helpless since he was a child.
It was hard to say how long he sat there when warm hands slipped around him. He flinched away, forgetting where he was for a moment. Turning his head he found Carson, naked and smiling warmly. Embarrassed by his display of emotion, he hastily wiped at the tears, but Carson pulled his hand away and leaning closer, lightly kissed the saltiness away from his cheek. Carson’s breath brushed against his eyelids “Let me hold you.”
Rodney’s breath hitched at the searing heat of Carson’s lips on his face and nodded slowly, relaxing in the arms that held him close. Silent tears fell, but Carson’s touch warmed him in a way that hot water never could. No one had ever held him with such care or concern and it was a wonderful sensation. The soft caresses and tender kisses that brushed his skin said more than words ever could. “Carson.”
“Shhh…it’s okay,” whispered Carson, his hands rubbing away the cold, warming Rodney deeper than he thought possible. He leaned into the touch, wanting more, wanting it to take away the darkness that still lingered at the edges.
“I haven’t felt like that since I was a kid, Carson. I thought I’d never have to feel that way again,” said Rodney sadly, silent tears still sliding down his face.
“Tell me,” said Carson softly. He knew that Rodney hadn’t had the best childhood, but he seldom elaborated.
“They’d lock me in the closet. Tell me that I could come out when I behaved.” Rodney’s words were punctuated by an occasional sob and Carson held him tighter. “God, it was so dark. They’d leave me there for hours, all alone. I was always alone. Even when they let me out they’d just walk away and leave me. They didn’t care that I was terrified of the dark.”
Tears fell from Carson’s eyes as he listened to Rodney. “You don’t have to be alone anymore, luv. I’m here for you.”
Rodney breath hitched, but remained silent, until finally the last of his tears were washed away with the warm spray of the shower and the knowledge that someone cared. Carson’s hands drifted, touching him everywhere and when lips ghosted against his own, Rodney opened his eyes.
Deep, blue eyes gazed back at him, a touch of sadness welling up before him. Without any thought, Rodney reached up, cupping Carson’s face as he leaned closer, his eyes drifting shut as their lips met in a tentative kiss. It was slow and soft, neither man pushing, just enjoying the wonder of it.
When the came up for air, both were breathless and flush. Carson smiled and ducked his head shyly, “Are you feeling better?”
Rodney paused a moment, thinking then smiled as he nodded, “Yeah I am.” His hands wouldn’t stay still and they roamed Carson’s naked flesh as he added hesitantly, “Are you okay with this?”
A finger drifted over his nipple and Carson’s breath snagged as he tried to answer, “Aye, very okay.” Carson’s head went back, his mouth slack as Rodney’s hands traced paths up and down his skin, sending fire to his groin.
As Rodney’s fingers drifted lower, poised at Carson’s waist, he whispered huskily, “Can I touch you?”
“Oh god, yes,” moaned Carson, his own hands finding Rodney’s aroused flesh and wanting to touch it, feel it. “I want you so bad.”
Hands turned desperate, grasping for long neglected need until Rodney gasped between breaths, “I…I…oh god, Carson…stop.”
Carson’s hands stilled instantly, afraid he’d overstepped some boundary with Rodney. He suddenly felt guilty for taking advantage of the situation and pulled away, berating himself for being so selfish. Getting to his feet, Carson muttered apologetically, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
Seeing the hurt and confusion, Rodney scrambled to his feet and wrapped his arms around Carson. “No…no, not that. I just…I was too close.” His hand clasped Carson’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. “I want you in me is all.”
Eyes wide, Carson smiled, “Oh.” Pulling away from the kiss, he grinned, “I can do that.”
Their kiss deepened, tongues and teeth battling for possession until Carson turned Rodney, pushing his weight against his back as his hard length pressed against his ass. Rodney whimpered, his hands reaching back to increase the contact, “Please, Carson.”
Needy and getting desperate, Carson’s eyes frantically searched the shower for something to ease penetration and he fumbled with the crème rinse. Covering his hand with the thick substance, he reached into the cleft of Rodney’s ass to tease his entrance. The effect was immediate and Rodney bucked under his touch, his breathing harsher as he begged, “Don’t stop.”
“Shhh, luv. Relax,” hissed Carson, his own breathing fast as he eased a finger in, pushing forward until he breached the tight ring.
Rodney pushed his hips back, deepening the penetration and stilling at the forgotten sensation. As Carson’s finger brushed his prostate, Rodney cried out, “Oh god, yes…right there.”
Carson added another finger and then another, twisting and pushing until Rodney was writhing under his touch, pushing onto his fingers in a desperate attempt to deepen the penetration, moaning deliriously the whole time. Leaning close, Carson breathed in Rodney’s ear, “So hot, luv. You don’t know what you’re doin’ to me.”
Twisting his head back, Rodney turned enough so that Carson could capture his lips. The kiss was passionate, filled with need and Rodney turned away, leaning heavily into the wall, “Please Carson…now!”
Nodding, Carson removed his fingers, failing miserably to ignore Rodney’s mewling at the loss. Gripping Rodney’s ass in one hand and his pulsing, engorged shaft in the other, Carson guided it to Rodney’s puckered entrance. Taking a deep breath to calm his raging emotions, he pushed in, stilling only when his crown popped past the quivering muscles.
Rodney was panting with need, pushing back onto Carson’s length as his hands scrambled against the wall for some sort of purchase. Easing deeper, Carson reached for Rodney’s fingers and entwining them in his own, shifted them above his head. Each inch in the tight heat of Rodney’s ass was pulling him closer and closer to the point of no return.
Finally, fully sheathed and throbbing painfully, Carson leaned heavily into Rodney’s back, pulling in several sharp breaths until he could regain some control. It was too much and he’d wanted this for too long to be denied but he held back, knowing somewhere deep inside that this wasn’t about him…not this time.
The wiggling and needy sounds coming from Rodney brought him out of his musings and he pulled out slowly until only the crown of his thick shaft remained. He held it there, teasingly until Rodney begged, “Ohgodohgodohgod, Carson do something!”
He slammed forward, burying himself balls deep and savoring Rodney’s scream, “Again!”
“Ngh,” grunted Carson, repeating the move again and again.
Pinned to the wall by Carson’s weight, his arms stretched above his head, Rodney was desperately crying out for release. Rodney was so tight and so open with his emotions that Carson was desperately trying to hang on. Feeling the sudden tightening at the base of his shaft, he removed his hand from Rodney’s and snaked it around his waist finding his cock weeping and hot in his hand. He stroked hard and fast, timing it to his own thrusts. Rodney stilled under him, and screamed his release, “Carsonnnnnnnnnnnn!”
The hot liquid covered his hand and the wall and it was enough to send Carson over the edge as Rodney’s spasms gripped him harder. His hips shot forward, pounding into Rodney one last time before he erupted, filling him. He thrust weakly a few times as he emptied himself deep into his now lover.
Their knees buckling under the intensity of the moment, they sank to the floor, a tangle of arms and legs. It took a few moments to regain their breath and it was Rodney that spoke first, “That was incredible…mind numbing…gut wrenching…” His voice drifted off.
Carson blushed, “Aye.”
Sitting on the floor of the shower, water dripping into their eyes and mouths, Rodney sighed, “I’m turning into a prune.” He still didn’t make any effort to move and his eyelids fluttered shut as he settled against Carson, relaxing more with each breath.
Reluctantly, Carson thought the water off and leaned far enough out of the shower to grab a towel. Rodney let himself be dried off, a contented smile of pure satisfaction gracing his face. Carson nudged him, “Come on you lazy whanker, get up.”
“Hmm” Rodney nodded and sat up, “Pushy bastard.” Getting to his feet, he reached out and pulled Carson back as he tried to leave the shower. With a tender kiss he buried his head in Carson’s shoulder and muttered, “Thanks.”
Carson’s hands drifted slowly up and down his back, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I can’t say that I’m sorry for this.”
Silence met his remark and Carson’s heart stopped, afraid he’d messed the whole thing up mentioning the earlier incident. Rodney must have felt him tense because the next thing he knew he was laying flat on his back on the bed, hot kisses covering his face and neck. He opened his eyes and Rodney’s face focused above him, grinning from ear to ear, “I’m not sorry either.”
Rodney started kissing again, but lifted up, smelling the air, “Food. I smell food.” His eyes darted around the room, finding the tray that Radek must have dropped off.
Carson’s head fell back on the bed with a sigh, “I can see where I rate.” Lifting up on one elbow, he watched as Rodney shifted on the bed and pulled the tray of food onto the bed beside them. “Well at least your appetite hasn’t suffered,” he teased, unable to keep from smiling as Rodney glared at him and began eating.
“I missed supper.” He swallowed and gave Carson a kiss as if it were the most natural thing in the world, “Besides, I’m going to need my strength for later.”
A blush rose in Carson’s cheeks and his dick twitched, “Eat.” Rodney ate, but not without a lot of kissing and sharing of his dessert.
*********
The four them, Rodney, Carson, Radek and John, stood in the control room looking down on the gate room. Rodney stood next to Carson, practically leaning into him, but not quite. Radek was to one side and the Colonel on the other. They all watched the proceedings below with great interest. Carson asked innocently, “Time?”
Sheppard lifted his watch, “One minute.”
Rodney stepped out on the balcony and the others followed as they lined up at the rail. Carson slipped beside him, dropping his hand on the scientist’s shoulder at they looked down on those below. Rodney glanced at his watch then smiled wickedly as he lifted his hand and gave the group below an exaggerated wave. He spoke out the side of his mouth to the others, “Smile and wave at that stupid people.”
Carson, Radek and Sheppard all looked at him in shocked surprise then followed suit, laughing as they raising hands to wave. They smiled broadly at the seven people and all their gear gathered in the Gateroom below. Looking up in disbelief, the shoulders of Jamison, Hart, Morgan, Kirbek, Yung, Issacs and Lowe slumped. They couldn’t hear what was being said above them but they knew the joke was on them and most of them ducked their heads in shame.
Sheppard glanced sideways at McKay and flashed a cocky grin before turning back to the proceedings beneath them. Speaking only loud enough for the others to hear, he said sarcastically, “Don’t forget to write.”
Hearing McKay laugh, Radek added with his typical straight faced delivery, “Enjoy new career at McDonalds.”
“Don’t let the door hit you in the arse,” chimed Carson, savoring the smile on Rodney’s face as they all joined in his moment. If this is what was needed to purge the last vestiges of his harrowing experience and find closure then it was the least they could do.
The group of dissenters had realized far too late that Dr. Rodney McKay had not only earned the respect of his colleagues but had also acquired friends during his tenure on Atlantis. They’d been able to witness the camaraderie of the men above only briefly before they were transported away in a beam of light.
Zelenka and Sheppard slipped away leaving Carson and Rodney alone. Rodney stood a few extra seconds, then turned away his smile fading a bit as he snorted, “That probably felt better than it should have.”
Carson gently squeezed his shoulder, flashing him a warm smile that spoke volumes. “Felt just right to me.”
Reaching up, Rodney covered Carson’s hand, his fingers lingering as he blushed. Recovering quickly, he dropped his hand, huffing with feigned indignity, “Well, if you want to do dinner then I need to get some work done.”
“Well I’d hate to keep you from you’re work. The sooner you get done the sooner we can do other things,” teased Carson, enjoying the redness that crept back into his lover’s face.
“You are a wicked man, Carson.” He flashed him a genuine smile and hurried back to work, determined to finish before supper. This new thing between them was definitely worth the effort and Rodney didn’t want to miss out on a second of it.
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From:
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*snicker*
That is an excellent take on the topic of claustrophobia! It really is as nasty as you've described. :D *claps*
From:
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Glad it worked. :)