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Title: Broken Trust
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chaps1870
Pairing: McShep
Rating: R for violence
Summary: Rodney tries to regain the trust he's lost only it doesn't work out like he plans
Disclaimer: Not mine, too bad.
Chapter Six
The infirmary was quiet, no one voicing their concern as they lingered outside, waiting for some news on McKay’s condition. Several had seen him as he was carried through Atlantis hallways on the way to the infirmary. The scientist’s deathly pale skin and the bruising, ranging from green to deep purple shocked many into following, contemplating the sudden lurch of emotion at seeing the man so still and lifeless. It was easy to push him aside after the fiasco on Arcturus, but now it seemed a rather petty treatment of one who had in fact saved their collective asses on more than one occasion.
When Dr. Beckett finally emerged from surgery four hours later, only Elizabeth and Radek remained, sitting between Teyla’s and Ronon’s beds. The two sat up, anxious for news of their teammates.
Carson answered their unspoken questions without prompting, “Colonel Sheppard is resting. The blood loss and poor eating didn’t help but he’ll be fine. We’ve put him on antibiotics to control the infection.”
“And Dr. McKay?” Teyla asked, worry evident in not only her face, but the others as well.
Pursing his lips, Carson answered, “It was touch and go. If we hadn’t gotten to him when we did…” his voice left off, unable to pursue that line of thought and he continued, “In addition to four broken fingers, he has several broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung. There was some internal bleeding and we had to remove his spleen. He’s going to be very sore but I think he’ll recover."
They all released a collective sigh of relief, the tension of waiting easing away with the good news. Radek smiled, dropping a hand to Teyla’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, wishing someone else to know he was thrilled with the news. Teyla turned, a similar smile gracing her own features. Ronon visibly relaxed, but said nothing.
Carson hesitated, unsure how much those before him really needed to know the rest of it. After a moment to consider, he turned to Elizabeth. “Can I speak to you alone for a moment, Dr. Weir?”
Glancing at the others, she turned back to Beckett, “Of course.”
Ushering her into his office, Carson sat down wearily into his chair. "I thought you should know that Rodney…” He paused, his voice dropping and a sadness clouding his eyes, “He was raped as well.”
Elizabeth gasped, covering her mouth. Of all the things she’d thought about, this was not it. She must have zoned for a moment, because Carson was suddenly leading her to a chair. Sitting, she waved off his concern, “I’m fine. Just a little shocked is all.”
“Aye.” Carson rubbed his eyes and returned to his seat, dropping heavily into it, the day suddenly catching up with him. “I don’t know what happened and Rodney may not be forthcoming with the information.”
“Neither Teyla or Ronon mentioned anything so severe, although the beatings were bad enough. Apparently, Rodney was the only one that was allowed out of their cell, and he was forced to work on machinery that had little or no hope of being fixed. He asked for food for them and was beaten for it. Teyla said that after Colonel Sheppard was shot, Rodney must have asked for more food, because he wasn’t that bad off from the first beating.”
Carson sighed, “And medicine.”
Eyebrows furrowing, Elizabeth frowned, “Pardon?”
“That is what was in the other bag he was carrying. He must have asked for medicine for the Colonel.”
“That would explain why he wouldn’t let go of it then.” Elizabeth paused a moment before continuing. “I sometimes forget just how loyal Rodney can be, not only to his work but to his friends. We all get so caught up in his foul moods and arrogance that we fail to see all of him.”
Carson nodded, lost in thought for a bit. “He’s had a tough time of it.”
“In what way?” asked Elizabeth, clearly puzzled.
Crossing his arms, Carson settled against the edge of his desk. “Ever since he blew up the Dorandan system no one has really gone out of their way to reassure him or even find out how he’s doing.” He looked at Weir, his eyes questioning, “Were you aware that pretty much everyone here has been avoiding him. He eats alone, and from what Radek says, he has been working alone unless it is unavoidable.”
A brief look of surprise and then guilt flashed across Elizabeth’s face. She slumped into the chair. “I didn’t know it was that bad.”
Not that she had really taken the time to notice and that was unsettling. She had been so angry with Rodney that not having to run into him had been a blessing of sorts.
“I don’t think anyone did, and to be honest I don’t think they cared. They were so happy to see him put in his place that they didn’t even notice he was pulling further away from everyone.” Carson sighed, “And I was no better than the rest. I was too busy to notice. We all take for granted he can do anything. Instead of demanding he step back, he was allowed to push ahead thinking he’d make it work. When it didn’t work, no one thought twice of condemning him.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes briefly, recalling how she had berated him in full view of everyone in the Gateroom. She was angry at him and herself that day, knowing deep down she should have, could have, stopped it just as easily as Colonel Sheppard or even Colonel Cadwell. Each of them had ignored Dr. Zelenka’s warnings when any one of them could have called a halt to the test and demanded a further look at the weapon system. They hadn’t. Instead they’d let the blame fall squarely onto Rodney’s shoulders rather than bearing some of the burden of responsibility.
She hung her head, “I know and it’s not like we haven’t made mistakes ourselves.”
Reflecting on his own shortcomings since arriving in Atlantis, Carson never would have considered it possible to kill off half a planet doing his job. It was in the past now, just as Rodney’s mistake should be. Moving towards the door, Elizabeth rose to follow. Stopping just before leaving, Carson turned to her and said softly, “He’s going to need friends when he wakes.”
Elizabeth nodded, “He’ll have them. I don’t think we are the only ones to realize that Rodney is as human as the rest of us. I’m just sorry it took something like this to make us see it.”
Carson smiled, “Don’t let him hear you say that.”
Exiting the office, Elizabeth looked in on both Rodney and John but finding them asleep, went in search of Dr. Zelenka to make a much needed apology of her own.
*****
John lay in bed staring at the ceiling, once again wondering why he was always wide awake in the middle of the night during his enforced stay in the infirmary. Glancing to the side, he paled at the sight of McKay, hooked up to an array of monitors, wires and tubes interlacing his arms, chest and face.
Sitting up with a grunt of pain, he reached for his shoulder and gingerly touched the bandage covering the gunshot wound. It was sore and painful. Gritting his teeth, he eased himself to the edge of the bed. His feet on the floor, he stood up and his knees buckled.
A strong pair of arms grabbed for him. “What do ya think you’re doin’, Colonel?”
Turning, Sheppard smiled innocently, “Hey, Doc.”
Carson rolled his eyes in exasperation, “You need to be in bed. You’re in no shape to be goin’ anywhere.”
“I’m fine. Just need to get my feet under me. How’s McKay doing?”
“Don’t be changing the subject,” snorted Carson, shaking his head as he manhandled John back into bed.
John shoulders slumped, “I just want to see him.”
“There’s nothin’ to see. He’s asleep and will hopefully stay that way for a while yet.” Carson nudged him back into bed as he continued, “You need to rest Colonel. You’ve lost a lot of blood, you’re malnourished from not eating and you are still fighting an infection.”
The slight exertion left him exhausted and John had little choice but to let Carson help him lie down. He glared at the doctor. It lost its effect when he yawned.
Carson smiled, “There’s a good lad. Get some sleep and we’ll talk about doin’ more when you wake.”
“No. I want to know about McKay. How’s he doing?” said John stubbornly.
“He is lucky we found him when we did. We’d been searching for several days.”
“What took so long?”
Flashing Sheppard an exasperated look, Carson explained, “In case you didn’t notice there were several inhabited cities on the planet. We had no idea where you were. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. We started with those closest to the gate. Good thing Rodney gave us a signal or we’d still be searching.”
John looked stunned, “What signal?”
“Rodney managed to construct a homing signal. I don’t know how but it worked,” said Carson.
As much as he hated to ask, John had to know. “How bad was he?”
“He had two very serious beatings. The first one broke his fingers, his ribs and probably caused the internal bleeding. The last beating aggravated those injuries.” Carson wasn’t going to elaborate on that beating or mention the rape. “Those two alone were bad enough, the others were only meant to keep him in line.”
Sheppard paled, “Others.”
“Well I can’t be certain until he wakes up, but it looks like he was beaten throughout the time they held him. The early bruising isn’t as serious but I’m sure it hurt just the same.”
Stunned and a little confused, John questioned Carson, “So you’re saying they beat on him before they broke his ribs and his fingers.”
“Aye, that bruising is pretty distinct, as is the last one. The previous bruising is faded so we can say with some certainty that it was more than the two times Teyla and Ronon were aware of.”
“He didn’t say anything about it,” said John quietly, the implications of Carson’s findings screaming at him for his stupidity. He could still hear Rodney insisting that any ultimatum for food would only lead to personal injury. John had jumped all over the scientist, insisting he was thinking only of himself and they wouldn’t hurt him. Sinking into his pillow, John crossed his forearm over his eyes, wishing he could block out the despair he suddenly recognized in Rodney’s voice when he’d finally agreed to face his captors. He knew then that they’d beat him but he’d done it anyway. Why?
The Colonel slammed a frustrated fist into the mattress. Rodney had done it because John hadn’t listened or given him any choice. He’d uttered two words that he knew would stop any further argument…trust me. And Rodney did.
************
The voices drifted, getting louder and clearer as time passed. It was hard to say how long, but the voices changed each time he tried to find his way out of the darkness and dreams.
“I’ll only let you go if you promise to eat, Colonel. You’ve lost weight you could ill afford to lose.” Rodney decided that was Carson speaking, the accent a dead giveaway. He listened absently, too tired to move.
John bit back sarcastically, “Yeah, starvation does that. How come you aren’t harping on Teyla or Ronon?” His mood the last few days had been getting worse and all he wanted was out of the infirmary. McKay still hadn’t woken and John had no intention of being around when he did. He could barely stand himself let alone have to face Rodney, knowing he’d failed him.
“They are eating to their normal standards and are well within their weight range,” said Carson. “Unfortunately, you are the one that suffered the most from the weight loss.”
The voices continued, brushing the edge of Rodney’s consciousness.
“What about McKay?”
“Aye, he lost weight but he had some to lose. He was more in danger from the hypoglycemia than losing pounds.”
“But they were feeding him.”
“Well, he wasn’t fed much judging by the weight he lost. I’d venture to say that he was pretty miserable most of the time from the low blood sugar alone,” said Carson, keeping his face neutral as he considered how much affect the rape alone would have had on Rodney.
“What do you mean?”
“His blood sugar was dangerously low when we found him. If they were feeding him, it was only enough to keep him alive. My guess would be once a day and for Rodney that is like being starved. After six or seven hours he was probably feeling the effects. The more time passed the worse he felt. Headache, nausea, shakiness then he would begin feel lightheaded, fuzzy, less able to think clearly.” Carson continued, “He probably went through the same cycle each day.”
“Why didn’t he say something?”
“And what good would it have done, Colonel?”
“Damn it, Carson. He let them beat him and then went back for more so the rest of us could eat. What the hell was he thinking?”
Carson had no idea how to answer that, because Rodney still hadn’t woken and he hated to think about why he’d been raped and what he thought about at the time. “He probably wasn’t. Between the low blood sugar and pain, he was reacting to very basic needs and what his subconscious was telling him was the right thing to do. We found him in the middle of a hallway trying to get to the rest of you. He had food and medicine and could have escaped with the guards gone. Instead he tried to get to where you were being held, literally crawling until he couldn’t anymore.”
“Damn stupid fool.” John turned on his heels and fled the infirmary.
Waiting until everyone left, Rodney felt the medicine bag someone had left in his hand. Loosening his fingers he let it fall from his grasp to the floor.
Part Seven
Author:
chaps1870Pairing: McShep
Rating: R for violence
Summary: Rodney tries to regain the trust he's lost only it doesn't work out like he plans
Disclaimer: Not mine, too bad.
Chapter Six
The infirmary was quiet, no one voicing their concern as they lingered outside, waiting for some news on McKay’s condition. Several had seen him as he was carried through Atlantis hallways on the way to the infirmary. The scientist’s deathly pale skin and the bruising, ranging from green to deep purple shocked many into following, contemplating the sudden lurch of emotion at seeing the man so still and lifeless. It was easy to push him aside after the fiasco on Arcturus, but now it seemed a rather petty treatment of one who had in fact saved their collective asses on more than one occasion.
When Dr. Beckett finally emerged from surgery four hours later, only Elizabeth and Radek remained, sitting between Teyla’s and Ronon’s beds. The two sat up, anxious for news of their teammates.
Carson answered their unspoken questions without prompting, “Colonel Sheppard is resting. The blood loss and poor eating didn’t help but he’ll be fine. We’ve put him on antibiotics to control the infection.”
“And Dr. McKay?” Teyla asked, worry evident in not only her face, but the others as well.
Pursing his lips, Carson answered, “It was touch and go. If we hadn’t gotten to him when we did…” his voice left off, unable to pursue that line of thought and he continued, “In addition to four broken fingers, he has several broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung. There was some internal bleeding and we had to remove his spleen. He’s going to be very sore but I think he’ll recover."
They all released a collective sigh of relief, the tension of waiting easing away with the good news. Radek smiled, dropping a hand to Teyla’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, wishing someone else to know he was thrilled with the news. Teyla turned, a similar smile gracing her own features. Ronon visibly relaxed, but said nothing.
Carson hesitated, unsure how much those before him really needed to know the rest of it. After a moment to consider, he turned to Elizabeth. “Can I speak to you alone for a moment, Dr. Weir?”
Glancing at the others, she turned back to Beckett, “Of course.”
Ushering her into his office, Carson sat down wearily into his chair. "I thought you should know that Rodney…” He paused, his voice dropping and a sadness clouding his eyes, “He was raped as well.”
Elizabeth gasped, covering her mouth. Of all the things she’d thought about, this was not it. She must have zoned for a moment, because Carson was suddenly leading her to a chair. Sitting, she waved off his concern, “I’m fine. Just a little shocked is all.”
“Aye.” Carson rubbed his eyes and returned to his seat, dropping heavily into it, the day suddenly catching up with him. “I don’t know what happened and Rodney may not be forthcoming with the information.”
“Neither Teyla or Ronon mentioned anything so severe, although the beatings were bad enough. Apparently, Rodney was the only one that was allowed out of their cell, and he was forced to work on machinery that had little or no hope of being fixed. He asked for food for them and was beaten for it. Teyla said that after Colonel Sheppard was shot, Rodney must have asked for more food, because he wasn’t that bad off from the first beating.”
Carson sighed, “And medicine.”
Eyebrows furrowing, Elizabeth frowned, “Pardon?”
“That is what was in the other bag he was carrying. He must have asked for medicine for the Colonel.”
“That would explain why he wouldn’t let go of it then.” Elizabeth paused a moment before continuing. “I sometimes forget just how loyal Rodney can be, not only to his work but to his friends. We all get so caught up in his foul moods and arrogance that we fail to see all of him.”
Carson nodded, lost in thought for a bit. “He’s had a tough time of it.”
“In what way?” asked Elizabeth, clearly puzzled.
Crossing his arms, Carson settled against the edge of his desk. “Ever since he blew up the Dorandan system no one has really gone out of their way to reassure him or even find out how he’s doing.” He looked at Weir, his eyes questioning, “Were you aware that pretty much everyone here has been avoiding him. He eats alone, and from what Radek says, he has been working alone unless it is unavoidable.”
A brief look of surprise and then guilt flashed across Elizabeth’s face. She slumped into the chair. “I didn’t know it was that bad.”
Not that she had really taken the time to notice and that was unsettling. She had been so angry with Rodney that not having to run into him had been a blessing of sorts.
“I don’t think anyone did, and to be honest I don’t think they cared. They were so happy to see him put in his place that they didn’t even notice he was pulling further away from everyone.” Carson sighed, “And I was no better than the rest. I was too busy to notice. We all take for granted he can do anything. Instead of demanding he step back, he was allowed to push ahead thinking he’d make it work. When it didn’t work, no one thought twice of condemning him.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes briefly, recalling how she had berated him in full view of everyone in the Gateroom. She was angry at him and herself that day, knowing deep down she should have, could have, stopped it just as easily as Colonel Sheppard or even Colonel Cadwell. Each of them had ignored Dr. Zelenka’s warnings when any one of them could have called a halt to the test and demanded a further look at the weapon system. They hadn’t. Instead they’d let the blame fall squarely onto Rodney’s shoulders rather than bearing some of the burden of responsibility.
She hung her head, “I know and it’s not like we haven’t made mistakes ourselves.”
Reflecting on his own shortcomings since arriving in Atlantis, Carson never would have considered it possible to kill off half a planet doing his job. It was in the past now, just as Rodney’s mistake should be. Moving towards the door, Elizabeth rose to follow. Stopping just before leaving, Carson turned to her and said softly, “He’s going to need friends when he wakes.”
Elizabeth nodded, “He’ll have them. I don’t think we are the only ones to realize that Rodney is as human as the rest of us. I’m just sorry it took something like this to make us see it.”
Carson smiled, “Don’t let him hear you say that.”
Exiting the office, Elizabeth looked in on both Rodney and John but finding them asleep, went in search of Dr. Zelenka to make a much needed apology of her own.
*****
John lay in bed staring at the ceiling, once again wondering why he was always wide awake in the middle of the night during his enforced stay in the infirmary. Glancing to the side, he paled at the sight of McKay, hooked up to an array of monitors, wires and tubes interlacing his arms, chest and face.
Sitting up with a grunt of pain, he reached for his shoulder and gingerly touched the bandage covering the gunshot wound. It was sore and painful. Gritting his teeth, he eased himself to the edge of the bed. His feet on the floor, he stood up and his knees buckled.
A strong pair of arms grabbed for him. “What do ya think you’re doin’, Colonel?”
Turning, Sheppard smiled innocently, “Hey, Doc.”
Carson rolled his eyes in exasperation, “You need to be in bed. You’re in no shape to be goin’ anywhere.”
“I’m fine. Just need to get my feet under me. How’s McKay doing?”
“Don’t be changing the subject,” snorted Carson, shaking his head as he manhandled John back into bed.
John shoulders slumped, “I just want to see him.”
“There’s nothin’ to see. He’s asleep and will hopefully stay that way for a while yet.” Carson nudged him back into bed as he continued, “You need to rest Colonel. You’ve lost a lot of blood, you’re malnourished from not eating and you are still fighting an infection.”
The slight exertion left him exhausted and John had little choice but to let Carson help him lie down. He glared at the doctor. It lost its effect when he yawned.
Carson smiled, “There’s a good lad. Get some sleep and we’ll talk about doin’ more when you wake.”
“No. I want to know about McKay. How’s he doing?” said John stubbornly.
“He is lucky we found him when we did. We’d been searching for several days.”
“What took so long?”
Flashing Sheppard an exasperated look, Carson explained, “In case you didn’t notice there were several inhabited cities on the planet. We had no idea where you were. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. We started with those closest to the gate. Good thing Rodney gave us a signal or we’d still be searching.”
John looked stunned, “What signal?”
“Rodney managed to construct a homing signal. I don’t know how but it worked,” said Carson.
As much as he hated to ask, John had to know. “How bad was he?”
“He had two very serious beatings. The first one broke his fingers, his ribs and probably caused the internal bleeding. The last beating aggravated those injuries.” Carson wasn’t going to elaborate on that beating or mention the rape. “Those two alone were bad enough, the others were only meant to keep him in line.”
Sheppard paled, “Others.”
“Well I can’t be certain until he wakes up, but it looks like he was beaten throughout the time they held him. The early bruising isn’t as serious but I’m sure it hurt just the same.”
Stunned and a little confused, John questioned Carson, “So you’re saying they beat on him before they broke his ribs and his fingers.”
“Aye, that bruising is pretty distinct, as is the last one. The previous bruising is faded so we can say with some certainty that it was more than the two times Teyla and Ronon were aware of.”
“He didn’t say anything about it,” said John quietly, the implications of Carson’s findings screaming at him for his stupidity. He could still hear Rodney insisting that any ultimatum for food would only lead to personal injury. John had jumped all over the scientist, insisting he was thinking only of himself and they wouldn’t hurt him. Sinking into his pillow, John crossed his forearm over his eyes, wishing he could block out the despair he suddenly recognized in Rodney’s voice when he’d finally agreed to face his captors. He knew then that they’d beat him but he’d done it anyway. Why?
The Colonel slammed a frustrated fist into the mattress. Rodney had done it because John hadn’t listened or given him any choice. He’d uttered two words that he knew would stop any further argument…trust me. And Rodney did.
************
The voices drifted, getting louder and clearer as time passed. It was hard to say how long, but the voices changed each time he tried to find his way out of the darkness and dreams.
“I’ll only let you go if you promise to eat, Colonel. You’ve lost weight you could ill afford to lose.” Rodney decided that was Carson speaking, the accent a dead giveaway. He listened absently, too tired to move.
John bit back sarcastically, “Yeah, starvation does that. How come you aren’t harping on Teyla or Ronon?” His mood the last few days had been getting worse and all he wanted was out of the infirmary. McKay still hadn’t woken and John had no intention of being around when he did. He could barely stand himself let alone have to face Rodney, knowing he’d failed him.
“They are eating to their normal standards and are well within their weight range,” said Carson. “Unfortunately, you are the one that suffered the most from the weight loss.”
The voices continued, brushing the edge of Rodney’s consciousness.
“What about McKay?”
“Aye, he lost weight but he had some to lose. He was more in danger from the hypoglycemia than losing pounds.”
“But they were feeding him.”
“Well, he wasn’t fed much judging by the weight he lost. I’d venture to say that he was pretty miserable most of the time from the low blood sugar alone,” said Carson, keeping his face neutral as he considered how much affect the rape alone would have had on Rodney.
“What do you mean?”
“His blood sugar was dangerously low when we found him. If they were feeding him, it was only enough to keep him alive. My guess would be once a day and for Rodney that is like being starved. After six or seven hours he was probably feeling the effects. The more time passed the worse he felt. Headache, nausea, shakiness then he would begin feel lightheaded, fuzzy, less able to think clearly.” Carson continued, “He probably went through the same cycle each day.”
“Why didn’t he say something?”
“And what good would it have done, Colonel?”
“Damn it, Carson. He let them beat him and then went back for more so the rest of us could eat. What the hell was he thinking?”
Carson had no idea how to answer that, because Rodney still hadn’t woken and he hated to think about why he’d been raped and what he thought about at the time. “He probably wasn’t. Between the low blood sugar and pain, he was reacting to very basic needs and what his subconscious was telling him was the right thing to do. We found him in the middle of a hallway trying to get to the rest of you. He had food and medicine and could have escaped with the guards gone. Instead he tried to get to where you were being held, literally crawling until he couldn’t anymore.”
“Damn stupid fool.” John turned on his heels and fled the infirmary.
Waiting until everyone left, Rodney felt the medicine bag someone had left in his hand. Loosening his fingers he let it fall from his grasp to the floor.
Part Seven
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So, ::Innogen bounces on toes:: is seven almost ready? ::grin::
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~Inn
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