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Title: Broken Road
Author: Chaps1870
Warnings: Slash
Pairings: Jarrod/Adam
Rating: FRAO (fan rated suitable for Adult Only)
Summary: Two old friends discover they share more than just a simple friendship
Disclaimer: This story is for entertainment only and not intended to infringe on the holders of rights of The Big Valley or Bonanza.
Chapter 11
Adam slept soundly until a cry in the night sent him rushing to Jarrod. Entering the room, he could see Jarrod thrashing on the bed in the dim light of the lamp and hurried forward to wake him from the obvious nightmare. Just a touch to Jarrod’s shoulder was enough to rouse him from sleep and he sat straight up in bed, panting and trembling from the horrors he’d been victim to. It was all Adam could do not to embrace him, instead he knelt beside him and tried to talk him from the terrors. “It’s just a dream. You’re alright now.”
Jarrod looked at Adam, and slowly nodded his head, “Sorry I woke you.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Sliding out of bed, Jarrod poured some water and downed it in a couple gulps. Wiping away the sweat that gathered on his face, he tried to calm his breathing. “I’ve been having dreams of being castrated.”
A look of shook graced Adam’s face and he was speechless for a moment at Jarrod’s admission, “I must admit that I’ve had one or two of my own.”
Jarrod sat on the edge of the bed, and tried to joke, “No doubt, but it’s not your brothers holding you down and coming at you with a knife.”
Adam stared at Jarrod, his own face reflecting the horror of such a thought. Reaching out his hand to rest it on Jarrod’s back he reluctantly pulled back, remembering his earlier promise. It was so hard not to touch and comfort Jarrod, but he didn’t trust himself enough to keep his hands still on the hard planes of his Jarrod’s back. Dressed in only pants, Jarrod’s smooth expanse of skin was a tempting sight and Adam felt the stir of arousal. Fighting it back, he concentrated on reassuring Jarrod, “Maybe all they need is some time to come to terms with it all.”
Shaking his head, Jarrod leaned onto his elbows as he sat at the side of the bed, “No. They’ve made up their mind about me. Nick can’t accept a brother that likes men, and Heath acts as though I’m the devil himself.”
“Have you tried talking to them, since you left?”
“I’ve sent them both a letter, but they’ve ignored them.” Jarrod paused, rubbing his hands through his hair. “I always thought I knew my family, that nothing could come between us. I suppose this was too much.”
“I don’t think any family would find it an easy truth to live with, Jarrod. It’s not just yours.”
“And your family, how would they react?”
“I’d like to think it wouldn’t matter, but even I know better. Hoss might accept it. Joe would...well, he’d probably act like Heath does. My father...I’m afraid to even think how he would react.”
Jarrod yawned loudly and said sadly, “I’m glad you never have to find out.” Stretching out on the bed, he said tiredly, “I better get some sleep, if I’m gonna be worth a damn tomorrow.”
Adam took Jarrod’s yawn as a sign to leave, but he asked worriedly, “Are you gonna be able to sleep?”
“I’m fine. It usually only comes once a night. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Don’t be.” Adam resisted the urge to offer a comforting touch. Instead he got to his feet to leave. Noticing that Jarrod was already drifting into sleep, he padded quietly to the chair nearest the bed and sat down. Stretching out his legs he watched Jarrod as he slept, keeping quiet guard over his friend until the breaking of dawn. He drifted off several times, each time he was nagged awake by something just on the edge of his consciousness. As the sky began to lighten he suddenly jerked awake and his eyes darted to Jarrod’s hand. The curled fingers of one hand that poked out from under the blankets confirmed his suspicions.
Jarrod woke up and rolling over, found Adam slumped in the chair, his mouth open and his neck at an odd angle as he snored softly. Lifting up on one elbow his eyes followed the length of Adam’s body, stopping at his broad chest exposed beneath his open shirt. It would be so easy to reach over and run his fingers through the coarse hair and find the soft patches of skin that surrounded his nipples. To run his hand down his hard thighs...Jarrod closed his eyes and tried to ignore the tightening in his groin. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t have Adam. It was wrong to want someone the way he wanted the man before him, and he had to get over it. His life was in shambles because of his amoral ways, and yet he still fought the urges. Nothing had ever felt this way before. Nothing pulled at him like this did and nothing would ever be the same again. No woman, not even Beth, had the power over him that Adam did. It was like a fire that needed quenching and it burned constantly.
Disgusted by his weakness, Jarrod sat up and reached out to gently nudge Adam awake, “Adam, wake up. You’re going be sore sleeping that way.”
Adam tried to move, but the stiffness made him cautious as he came awake, “Awwww. Too late, I’m already sore.”
Getting out of bed, Jarrod grabbed a robe to cover himself, self conscious of his nakedness in Adam’s presence and pushed his curled fingers into the pocket to hide them from sight. It had become a habit he wasn’t even aware of. Grabbing some fresh clothes, he spoke to Adam, “You didn’t have to stay with me.”
Leaning over in the chair, Adam was twisting his neck and back to loosen the muscles as he answered, “I know. I was just worried about you. You don’t look like you’ve gotten much sleep lately...” he glanced sideways at Jarrod and added, “…or food for that matter. When were you going to tell me about your hand?”
Jarrod bristled at the unexpected remark and tried to bury his hand deeper into his pocket, “I wasn’t.”
“Can they do anything for you?”
“No. It’s only going to get worse as the tendons tighten. My punishment I suppose.” Adam could understand Jarrod’s bitterness, but to hear him accept his fate so easily was unnerving. With his family ignoring him and his hand damaged, Jarrod was paying the price for his sins. It was a daily reminder of what could never be. Jarrod gave Adam a half-smile, trying to sound casual, “Well, I feel like eating this morning so get dressed and we’ll go find something. I’m afraid there’s not much in the house so we’ll have to go out.”
Adam sighed, feeling the anger build at the injustice Jarrod had suffered since they’d been caught. Taking a deep breath he changed the subject, knowing it wasn’t time to argue Jarrod’s indifference. “What time do you have to be at work?”
“Whenever I get there. I only have a couple of small cases I’m working on. I’m sure you didn’t come to town on a whim. I assume you have things to do as well.”
“I have a couple of meetings for some timber contracts, but the first one isn’t until ten. It’ll probably take most of the day though. It’s the first of many most likely. They’re a new buyer so Pa wants me to make sure they see the benefits of Ponderosa timber.” Adam flashed him his trademark dimpled grin. “If things work out, I should be making the trip to San Francisco more often.”
Heading out of the room, Jarrod joked half-heartedly, “Well you’ll always have a place to stay if you don’t mind the company.”
Watching Jarrod leave, Adam muttered sadly to himself, “I love the company.”
Two days later, Adam managed to finalize all the contracts early and he headed to Jarrod’s office, hoping they might go to lunch together. Time had been limited to a few hours in the evenings and he’d be leaving in the morning so he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Jarrod.
Entering the office, Adam was greeted by a beautiful young lady sitting behind a desk. “Can I help you?”
Taking off his hat, he replied, “I’m here to see Mr. Barkley. Is he busy?”
“He’s with a client right now, but he should be done shortly if you would like to wait.”
“I’ll do that.” Adam sat on the edge of the desk, “But you’ll have to keep me company.” Extending his hand, he introduced himself, “Adam Cartwright.” Her hair was a dark brown and she wore it up in loose bun, and several errant curls hung down to frame her face. With dark eyes and long lashes she was a beauty that under normal circumstances might tempt him.
Taking his offered hand shyly, she answered, “Amelia...Thomas.”
Adam flashed her a dimpled grin, “Nice to meet you Miss Thomas.” So used to covering his true self, Adam turned on the charm, “How long have you been working for Mr. Barkley?”
She shook her head, “Only a few months now. He said that he’d been injured and he needed someone to take care of things while he was recovering. Things seemed to work out, and he hasn’t fired me yet,” she said jokingly.
“Well I’m glad to hear that. I hate to think I’d have no one to talk with.”
As the two of them laughed, Jarrod and his client came out of the inner office. Adam stood up and Amelia went back to looking busy. Jarrod walked his client to the door, and Adam winked at Amelia when he passed by with a frown on his face. Returning to Adam, Jarrod motioned towards his office, “Come on in.”
Grabbing his hat, Adam tipped it to Amelia, “Miss Thomas.” Amelia blushed at the attention and went back to her work, watching her boss and Adam out of the corner of her eye as they entered Jarrod’s office.
Closing the door, Jarrod walked to his desk muttering, “Some things never change.” Adam followed Jarrod to his desk and leaning across it, waited for Jarrod to look at him. Jarrod caught his mischievous smile and asked with a puzzled look, “What?”
“You’re jealous.”
“Why would I be jealous?” huffed Jarrod, “You can talk to whomever you like.”
Turning his back to Jarrod, Adam sat on the edge of the desk with his arms crossed. Looking over his shoulder he teased, “Oh sure, as long as it’s not some pretty young woman.”
Jarrod grabbed his hat and coat, “I assume you are here for lunch. Are we going to go or are you going to stand there and gloat.”
The look that Adam had on his face was too much for Jarrod and he broke out laughing, “Okay fine. I’m jealous. Are you happy?”
“Yep.” He followed Jarrod to the door, his hand resting lightly on his back, but removed it when Jarrod opened the door. “So what does your work load look like this afternoon? I thought since I’m leaving tomorrow we could do something if you’re not busy.”
Jarrod stopped at Amelia’s desk, “I’m gonna be out this afternoon, Miss Thomas. You can finish what you’re doing and leave for the day. Please lock up on your way out.”
“Thank you, Mr. Barkley. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Adam turned at they were leaving and tipped his hat once more, “Miss Thomas, it was a pleasure to meet you.”
“You too, Mr. Cartwright.”
Jarrod pulled him out the door and began walking, “That’s real funny.”
“What? I was being a gentleman.”
“You were gloating again.”
“I was not gloating. I was making a friend. Who knows, I might need a date someday. Never hurts to have friends you know.”
“You are not dating my secretary,” growled Jarrod.
“Why not? You dating her?”
“No, I am not dating her. I don’t date my help.”
“Well you should, she’s very beautiful,” teased Adam, walking backward in front of Jarrod so he could see his reaction. Jarrod rolled his eyes, trying to control his rising anger. The thought of Adam dating anyone sent his blood boiling. It was unfair of course. He couldn’t expect Adam to remain celibate just because he didn’t want anyone else. With a half smile he teased back, curious to see Adam’s reaction, “Maybe she has a friend, we could double date.”
Adam’s smile disappeared and he fell into step beside Jarrod, “Point taken, Counselor.” He had pushed Jarrod too far with his comment, hoping to see a spark of interest, not realizing that Jarrod didn’t want to be reminded of any of it. The rest of their walk was done in silence, both men contemplating the implications of their conversation. It hadn’t really occurred to either of them that they would have to date women again if they were to maintain the persona they’d developed over the years. They were both ladies men, something they’d perfected since their college days. They could be friends of course, but that didn’t mean it was exclusive, they were going to have to date. Consciously or unconsciously they had acquired a reputation and they would have to go back to that life when they parted once more.
And so it went. When Adam made it to San Francisco, he stayed with Jarrod and they began a ‘new’ level of friendship. It took time to grow comfortable with it and they both tested the waters to see what new limits were set. Jarrod was uncomfortable with any sort of touching in public but allowed a casual touch when they were alone, but nothing more. He was reverting back to the friendship they’d shared in college as if their previous dalliance hadn’t occurred. What both of them found the most difficult was as they spent more and more time together, their friendship deepened making it harder and harder to deny their feelings.
Chapter 12
Adam walked into Jarrod’s office and found a very nervous looking Miss Thomas staring at Jarrod’s office door. Unsure, Adam thought he could hear yelling and the closer he got, he could make out the words being shouted in anger, “Are you still seeing him, is that it?”
“I’m not seeing anyone and even if I were, it’s none of your business. You kicked me out remember?”
“It is my business if someone finds out, everything Father ever worked for will be gone! You think this is just about you Jarrod. Well it’s not!”
“What the devil do you want from me Nick?”
“I don’t want to feel so damn uncomfortable every time I have to talk to you. I want my brother back, the one that gave a damn about what was right and wrong.”
Adam’s eyes darted to Amelia and her discomfort was evident. The voices rose and Adam turned to Amelia, trying to hide his own embarrassment as he asked urgently, “How about I take you to lunch?”
Amelia practically sighed with relief, “Thank you.” She wasted no time grabbing her shawl and the two of them escaped the awkward situation. Adam walked beside her lost in thought, wondering what she was thinking of the overheard conversation and how much was said before he even got there. His concern wasn’t for himself, but for Jarrod’s reputation if she repeated what she’d heard.
They’d gone almost a block when Amelia finally spoke, “Is it you?”
Off all the things he expected her to say that was not one of them. Caught off guard, he stopped and stared at her, and Amelia ducked her head as the red crept into her face. Adam recovered and stirred them towards the park across the street. He led her to a bench and sat beside her, “How much did you hear?”
“Enough,” said Amelia, her voice a mere whisper. “I won’t say anything I promise. I know how damaging something like this could be.”
“You say that, but you can’t possibly understand.”
Amelia wanted to reassure him somehow. She needed this job and she couldn’t afford to lose it, but it was going to take more than her word that she would remain silent. “Have you ever heard of a Boston marriage Mr. Cartwright?”
“Yes I have. It’s when two woman friends live together, it’s a convenient way to support themselves when they don’t marry.”
“Looks can be deceiving. I may be taking a great risk here, but somehow I don’t think so.”
Adam looked at her curiously, not sure where she was leading him, “What are you trying to tell me?”
“I understand more than you think, Mr. Cartwright. I live with another woman. We have been together for almost four years now. It is not a relationship of convenience as you so aptly put it. I love Molly, just as I suspect you love him.”
Adam bristled, “You are being presumptuous.”
“Am I? I’ve seen you with him over the last six months. Whenever you come to town, everything about him changes. Its there if you choose to see it.”
Slumping forward, Adam snuck a sideways glance at Miss Amelia Thomas and shook his head, “We are just friends, nothing more.”
“You are more than friends, you just choose to ignore it, deny it, whatever, but it’s there nonetheless. Is that why his family shunned him, they found out?”
“I don’t think any of this is your business.”
Amelia shrugged, “I suppose not. It’s my curious nature.” Very gently, she reached out and rested her hand on his arm, “I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.”
“There is nothing to keep secret. As I said we are just friends.”
“Hmph...so you said,” Amelia smiled at him, “You are a stubborn man, Adam Cartwright.”
Despite himself, Adam had to smile, “Why am I even discussing this with you?”
Squeezing the arm she still held, she said softly, “Who else is there to talk to?”
Adam shook his head, “I barely know you.”
“I suppose that’s true, but what better way to get to know someone than to talk to them.”
“Are you always this outspoken?”
Shaking her head, Amelia answered, “Actually no. You seem to bring out the best in me.”
“You’re frustrating.”
“That too, but you’re warming up to me aren’t you?”
Adam rolled his eyes at her, but found her endearing despite his words. It was unusual to find a woman that didn’t have an ulterior motive, and he found himself relaxing in her presence. He could be himself without worrying that she would want more from him. She was quite simply, willing to listen. With a heavy sigh he began speaking and over the next hour he related more to her than he’d even told Jarrod. He’d been unable to tell Jarrod how he felt, having been forced away from him by his family. Everything he wanted to say had been shut away when Jarrod decided that a friendship was all he could handle. When he finished his story, Amelia shook her head sadly, “You are in a difficult position. You know what you want, he doesn’t.”
“So what do I do?”
Amelia smiled at him, “Well, that smile of yours would melt a million hearts. Just keep smiling.” Adam blushed a bit and Amelia added more seriously, “He loves you Adam, you just have to be patient.”
“And if he decides he can’t accept that?”
“Well, at some point you are going to have to decide if what he is willing to give is enough. If it’s not then you are going to have some hard decisions to make.”
“It gets harder and harder to be with him and not be with him. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense to me, but then I am anything but conventional,” laughed Amelia. Standing up, she reached out her hand to Adam, “Come on, I best be getting back if I want to keep my job.”
Easing himself up, Adam stood before her and dropped a kiss on her cheek, “Thank you. Do you think that we could keep this between us? I don’t think Jarrod would feel comfortable knowing you know about...us.”
“Don’t worry, I want to keep my job!”
Adam teased as he led her back to the office, “I could put in a good word for you.”
“If what you say is true, the less he knows about this the better. I’d hate to lose my job over some unwarranted jealousy.”
Bowing dramatically, Adam smiled, “I will be the perfect gentleman in your presence, dear Amelia.”
“Oh great, you call me Amelia and I can start looking for a new job today.”
“My apologies.... Miss Thomas.”
“That’s better.” As they neared the office, Amelia asked nervously, “Do you think they are gone?”
“I’m sure. They wouldn’t stay any longer than necessary. Do you know if Jarrod is still doing the legal work for the ranch?”
“He was, but that was being discussed just before you got there. Mr. Barkley informed them he no longer wanted to deal with their animosity and would gladly hand it over to another lawyer.”
“Hmmm. What did they say?”
“I couldn’t hear what was said. I’m sorry.”
“I’m going to see if I can get Jarrod out of the office this afternoon. Is his schedule free?”
“I think so. Nothing that can’t be rearranged.”
“Good.” Just before they entered the office, Adam stopped them and spoke quietly, “I really want to thank you for everything. I’m sorry you were put in such a position but I’m glad you told me what you did. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.”
“I understand how difficult this is for you. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”
“I’ll remember that.”
When they entered the office, all was quiet and Amelia returned to her desk and began working while Adam knocked on Jarrod’s door. Not getting a response, he entered and found the office empty. Amelia spoke up behind him as she held up a piece of paper, “It says he’s gone home for the day.”
Adam hurried towards the door, then stopped and returned to Amelia and gave her another quick kiss. “Thank you.”
Amelia shooed him out the door, “Go, before your charm sways even me.” Laughing at her joke, Adam left with a wave.
Adam returned to the townhouse only to find it empty. It was hours before Jarrod finally returned and it was obvious he’d been drinking. He stumbled into the house and went straight for more liquor only to be intercepted by Adam. “You’ve had enough. You can barely stand as it is.”
“It has some wonderful numbing properties,” slurred Jarrod, leaning heavily into Adam.
“You want to tell me what happened to bring this on?”
Jarrod pushed away from him and poured another drink. Holding it up, he spoke with a sneer, “I have officially resigned from my family duties. I can’t work with them any longer. Every time they have to speak to me I can see the hatred and disgust. It’s better this way. They won’t have to deal with me anymore. Seems a new lawyer is in order and I, Jarrod Barkley, can concentrate on my own practice. Wouldn’t want people thinking there was anything amiss within the family.” Downing the brown liquid, he angrily threw the glass against the wall watching it shatter to pieces. As if his own life were suddenly shattered, he dropped to his knees and hung his head. Drunk and unable to maintain his control, Jarrod shoulders shuddered and Adam knew he was crying. He dropped down beside him and didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around Jarrod, knowing that his friend was hurting. Whatever had taken place in the office had forced Jarrod’s hand and his heart ached for him. Jarrod leaned into him and Adam rested his head against his, holding him as he released months of pent up emotions. Nothing was said. Nothing had to be. They sat for a long time before Jarrod began to relax and when Adam started to pull away Jarrod’s hands held him tighter. Holding Jarrod close felt wonderful despite the circumstances and Adam resisted the temptation to caress the one he held.
He suddenly froze as Jarrod’s hand began caressing his chest and brushed over his sensitive skin. His breathing grew louder as Jarrod continued and he knew he should stop it, but it felt so good he wanted it to go on. Jarrod was inebriated and Adam was sure he would regret this tomorrow, so gathering what strength he had, he grasped Jarrod’s wrist and pulled it from his chest, “Stop, please!”
Undeterred, Jarrod lowered his head and began kissing and sucking on Adam’s neck and throat. Panting for a breath, Adam was pushed onto his back and Jarrod lay above him, his teeth finding his cloth-covered nub. Squirming beneath him, Adam pleaded with Jarrod, “Oh god, Jarrod... stop! Don’t do this.” Jarrod hands continued to fondle and each time Adam batted one hand away another found its place. Panting with desire yet desperate to get away from the contact, Adam roughly shoved Jarrod off of him, his voice stern as he hollered, “STOP!!”
Adam’s harshness sobered Jarrod and realizing what he’d done, reddened and staggered to his feet. Looking down at Adam, he stammered, “Oh god, Adam... I’m...I’m...” Jarrod couldn’t face what he’d done and hurried out of the room.
Sitting on the floor Adam called out to stop him, “Jarrod!” Still shaking from Jarrod’s pawing, Adam hung his head in despair as he watched Jarrod leave. The whole situation had finally gotten out of hand and both of them were left reeling in the aftermath. Wiping away the sweat that had gathered on his brow, Adam slowly got to his feet and rearranged his clothes. His body still shivered from Jarrod’s touch and his manhood was painfully hard. Shifting his erection to ease the pain, his body betrayed him and he dropped to his knees as a powerful climax ripped through him. Jarrod’s caresses had pushed him too close to the edge and he fell forward onto one hand as he released months of sexual tension. His hand gripped the sac between his legs as he thrust for the last bit of pleasure before sliding to the floor. It was several minutes before his breathing evened out enough for him to get up. Standing on unsteady legs he went in search of Jarrod.
Adam found Jarrod halfway up the stairs retching the alcohol he’d consumed in abundance. He looked pathetic and Adam reached out only to have his hand slapped away, “Leave me alone.”
“I just want to help you.”
“Why should you? How can you even stand to be near me?”
“That’s the liquor talking, not you. Come on, let me help you.”
Jarrod lifted his head and looked at Adam through red-rimmed eyes, “I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?”
“No. We can talk about it tomorrow. You’re in no condition to talk about anything tonight.”
Nodding, Jarrod let Adam help him to his feet and even accepted a helping hand when he swayed unsteadily. As they neared his room, Jarrod suddenly bolted and dashed to the bathroom, barely making it before his stomach rebelled again. Adam followed after him and sat patiently comforting him even when all that was left was the dry heaves. Exhausted, Jarrod finally passed out on the floor and Adam dutifully cleaned him up and found a pillow and blanket to make his sleep a little more comfortable. Cleaning up the earlier mess and then himself, Adam checked on Jarrod a final time and went to bed, wondering how much he would even remember in the morning.
Author: Chaps1870
Warnings: Slash
Pairings: Jarrod/Adam
Rating: FRAO (fan rated suitable for Adult Only)
Summary: Two old friends discover they share more than just a simple friendship
Disclaimer: This story is for entertainment only and not intended to infringe on the holders of rights of The Big Valley or Bonanza.
Chapter 11
Adam slept soundly until a cry in the night sent him rushing to Jarrod. Entering the room, he could see Jarrod thrashing on the bed in the dim light of the lamp and hurried forward to wake him from the obvious nightmare. Just a touch to Jarrod’s shoulder was enough to rouse him from sleep and he sat straight up in bed, panting and trembling from the horrors he’d been victim to. It was all Adam could do not to embrace him, instead he knelt beside him and tried to talk him from the terrors. “It’s just a dream. You’re alright now.”
Jarrod looked at Adam, and slowly nodded his head, “Sorry I woke you.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Sliding out of bed, Jarrod poured some water and downed it in a couple gulps. Wiping away the sweat that gathered on his face, he tried to calm his breathing. “I’ve been having dreams of being castrated.”
A look of shook graced Adam’s face and he was speechless for a moment at Jarrod’s admission, “I must admit that I’ve had one or two of my own.”
Jarrod sat on the edge of the bed, and tried to joke, “No doubt, but it’s not your brothers holding you down and coming at you with a knife.”
Adam stared at Jarrod, his own face reflecting the horror of such a thought. Reaching out his hand to rest it on Jarrod’s back he reluctantly pulled back, remembering his earlier promise. It was so hard not to touch and comfort Jarrod, but he didn’t trust himself enough to keep his hands still on the hard planes of his Jarrod’s back. Dressed in only pants, Jarrod’s smooth expanse of skin was a tempting sight and Adam felt the stir of arousal. Fighting it back, he concentrated on reassuring Jarrod, “Maybe all they need is some time to come to terms with it all.”
Shaking his head, Jarrod leaned onto his elbows as he sat at the side of the bed, “No. They’ve made up their mind about me. Nick can’t accept a brother that likes men, and Heath acts as though I’m the devil himself.”
“Have you tried talking to them, since you left?”
“I’ve sent them both a letter, but they’ve ignored them.” Jarrod paused, rubbing his hands through his hair. “I always thought I knew my family, that nothing could come between us. I suppose this was too much.”
“I don’t think any family would find it an easy truth to live with, Jarrod. It’s not just yours.”
“And your family, how would they react?”
“I’d like to think it wouldn’t matter, but even I know better. Hoss might accept it. Joe would...well, he’d probably act like Heath does. My father...I’m afraid to even think how he would react.”
Jarrod yawned loudly and said sadly, “I’m glad you never have to find out.” Stretching out on the bed, he said tiredly, “I better get some sleep, if I’m gonna be worth a damn tomorrow.”
Adam took Jarrod’s yawn as a sign to leave, but he asked worriedly, “Are you gonna be able to sleep?”
“I’m fine. It usually only comes once a night. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Don’t be.” Adam resisted the urge to offer a comforting touch. Instead he got to his feet to leave. Noticing that Jarrod was already drifting into sleep, he padded quietly to the chair nearest the bed and sat down. Stretching out his legs he watched Jarrod as he slept, keeping quiet guard over his friend until the breaking of dawn. He drifted off several times, each time he was nagged awake by something just on the edge of his consciousness. As the sky began to lighten he suddenly jerked awake and his eyes darted to Jarrod’s hand. The curled fingers of one hand that poked out from under the blankets confirmed his suspicions.
Jarrod woke up and rolling over, found Adam slumped in the chair, his mouth open and his neck at an odd angle as he snored softly. Lifting up on one elbow his eyes followed the length of Adam’s body, stopping at his broad chest exposed beneath his open shirt. It would be so easy to reach over and run his fingers through the coarse hair and find the soft patches of skin that surrounded his nipples. To run his hand down his hard thighs...Jarrod closed his eyes and tried to ignore the tightening in his groin. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t have Adam. It was wrong to want someone the way he wanted the man before him, and he had to get over it. His life was in shambles because of his amoral ways, and yet he still fought the urges. Nothing had ever felt this way before. Nothing pulled at him like this did and nothing would ever be the same again. No woman, not even Beth, had the power over him that Adam did. It was like a fire that needed quenching and it burned constantly.
Disgusted by his weakness, Jarrod sat up and reached out to gently nudge Adam awake, “Adam, wake up. You’re going be sore sleeping that way.”
Adam tried to move, but the stiffness made him cautious as he came awake, “Awwww. Too late, I’m already sore.”
Getting out of bed, Jarrod grabbed a robe to cover himself, self conscious of his nakedness in Adam’s presence and pushed his curled fingers into the pocket to hide them from sight. It had become a habit he wasn’t even aware of. Grabbing some fresh clothes, he spoke to Adam, “You didn’t have to stay with me.”
Leaning over in the chair, Adam was twisting his neck and back to loosen the muscles as he answered, “I know. I was just worried about you. You don’t look like you’ve gotten much sleep lately...” he glanced sideways at Jarrod and added, “…or food for that matter. When were you going to tell me about your hand?”
Jarrod bristled at the unexpected remark and tried to bury his hand deeper into his pocket, “I wasn’t.”
“Can they do anything for you?”
“No. It’s only going to get worse as the tendons tighten. My punishment I suppose.” Adam could understand Jarrod’s bitterness, but to hear him accept his fate so easily was unnerving. With his family ignoring him and his hand damaged, Jarrod was paying the price for his sins. It was a daily reminder of what could never be. Jarrod gave Adam a half-smile, trying to sound casual, “Well, I feel like eating this morning so get dressed and we’ll go find something. I’m afraid there’s not much in the house so we’ll have to go out.”
Adam sighed, feeling the anger build at the injustice Jarrod had suffered since they’d been caught. Taking a deep breath he changed the subject, knowing it wasn’t time to argue Jarrod’s indifference. “What time do you have to be at work?”
“Whenever I get there. I only have a couple of small cases I’m working on. I’m sure you didn’t come to town on a whim. I assume you have things to do as well.”
“I have a couple of meetings for some timber contracts, but the first one isn’t until ten. It’ll probably take most of the day though. It’s the first of many most likely. They’re a new buyer so Pa wants me to make sure they see the benefits of Ponderosa timber.” Adam flashed him his trademark dimpled grin. “If things work out, I should be making the trip to San Francisco more often.”
Heading out of the room, Jarrod joked half-heartedly, “Well you’ll always have a place to stay if you don’t mind the company.”
Watching Jarrod leave, Adam muttered sadly to himself, “I love the company.”
Two days later, Adam managed to finalize all the contracts early and he headed to Jarrod’s office, hoping they might go to lunch together. Time had been limited to a few hours in the evenings and he’d be leaving in the morning so he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Jarrod.
Entering the office, Adam was greeted by a beautiful young lady sitting behind a desk. “Can I help you?”
Taking off his hat, he replied, “I’m here to see Mr. Barkley. Is he busy?”
“He’s with a client right now, but he should be done shortly if you would like to wait.”
“I’ll do that.” Adam sat on the edge of the desk, “But you’ll have to keep me company.” Extending his hand, he introduced himself, “Adam Cartwright.” Her hair was a dark brown and she wore it up in loose bun, and several errant curls hung down to frame her face. With dark eyes and long lashes she was a beauty that under normal circumstances might tempt him.
Taking his offered hand shyly, she answered, “Amelia...Thomas.”
Adam flashed her a dimpled grin, “Nice to meet you Miss Thomas.” So used to covering his true self, Adam turned on the charm, “How long have you been working for Mr. Barkley?”
She shook her head, “Only a few months now. He said that he’d been injured and he needed someone to take care of things while he was recovering. Things seemed to work out, and he hasn’t fired me yet,” she said jokingly.
“Well I’m glad to hear that. I hate to think I’d have no one to talk with.”
As the two of them laughed, Jarrod and his client came out of the inner office. Adam stood up and Amelia went back to looking busy. Jarrod walked his client to the door, and Adam winked at Amelia when he passed by with a frown on his face. Returning to Adam, Jarrod motioned towards his office, “Come on in.”
Grabbing his hat, Adam tipped it to Amelia, “Miss Thomas.” Amelia blushed at the attention and went back to her work, watching her boss and Adam out of the corner of her eye as they entered Jarrod’s office.
Closing the door, Jarrod walked to his desk muttering, “Some things never change.” Adam followed Jarrod to his desk and leaning across it, waited for Jarrod to look at him. Jarrod caught his mischievous smile and asked with a puzzled look, “What?”
“You’re jealous.”
“Why would I be jealous?” huffed Jarrod, “You can talk to whomever you like.”
Turning his back to Jarrod, Adam sat on the edge of the desk with his arms crossed. Looking over his shoulder he teased, “Oh sure, as long as it’s not some pretty young woman.”
Jarrod grabbed his hat and coat, “I assume you are here for lunch. Are we going to go or are you going to stand there and gloat.”
The look that Adam had on his face was too much for Jarrod and he broke out laughing, “Okay fine. I’m jealous. Are you happy?”
“Yep.” He followed Jarrod to the door, his hand resting lightly on his back, but removed it when Jarrod opened the door. “So what does your work load look like this afternoon? I thought since I’m leaving tomorrow we could do something if you’re not busy.”
Jarrod stopped at Amelia’s desk, “I’m gonna be out this afternoon, Miss Thomas. You can finish what you’re doing and leave for the day. Please lock up on your way out.”
“Thank you, Mr. Barkley. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Adam turned at they were leaving and tipped his hat once more, “Miss Thomas, it was a pleasure to meet you.”
“You too, Mr. Cartwright.”
Jarrod pulled him out the door and began walking, “That’s real funny.”
“What? I was being a gentleman.”
“You were gloating again.”
“I was not gloating. I was making a friend. Who knows, I might need a date someday. Never hurts to have friends you know.”
“You are not dating my secretary,” growled Jarrod.
“Why not? You dating her?”
“No, I am not dating her. I don’t date my help.”
“Well you should, she’s very beautiful,” teased Adam, walking backward in front of Jarrod so he could see his reaction. Jarrod rolled his eyes, trying to control his rising anger. The thought of Adam dating anyone sent his blood boiling. It was unfair of course. He couldn’t expect Adam to remain celibate just because he didn’t want anyone else. With a half smile he teased back, curious to see Adam’s reaction, “Maybe she has a friend, we could double date.”
Adam’s smile disappeared and he fell into step beside Jarrod, “Point taken, Counselor.” He had pushed Jarrod too far with his comment, hoping to see a spark of interest, not realizing that Jarrod didn’t want to be reminded of any of it. The rest of their walk was done in silence, both men contemplating the implications of their conversation. It hadn’t really occurred to either of them that they would have to date women again if they were to maintain the persona they’d developed over the years. They were both ladies men, something they’d perfected since their college days. They could be friends of course, but that didn’t mean it was exclusive, they were going to have to date. Consciously or unconsciously they had acquired a reputation and they would have to go back to that life when they parted once more.
And so it went. When Adam made it to San Francisco, he stayed with Jarrod and they began a ‘new’ level of friendship. It took time to grow comfortable with it and they both tested the waters to see what new limits were set. Jarrod was uncomfortable with any sort of touching in public but allowed a casual touch when they were alone, but nothing more. He was reverting back to the friendship they’d shared in college as if their previous dalliance hadn’t occurred. What both of them found the most difficult was as they spent more and more time together, their friendship deepened making it harder and harder to deny their feelings.
Chapter 12
Adam walked into Jarrod’s office and found a very nervous looking Miss Thomas staring at Jarrod’s office door. Unsure, Adam thought he could hear yelling and the closer he got, he could make out the words being shouted in anger, “Are you still seeing him, is that it?”
“I’m not seeing anyone and even if I were, it’s none of your business. You kicked me out remember?”
“It is my business if someone finds out, everything Father ever worked for will be gone! You think this is just about you Jarrod. Well it’s not!”
“What the devil do you want from me Nick?”
“I don’t want to feel so damn uncomfortable every time I have to talk to you. I want my brother back, the one that gave a damn about what was right and wrong.”
Adam’s eyes darted to Amelia and her discomfort was evident. The voices rose and Adam turned to Amelia, trying to hide his own embarrassment as he asked urgently, “How about I take you to lunch?”
Amelia practically sighed with relief, “Thank you.” She wasted no time grabbing her shawl and the two of them escaped the awkward situation. Adam walked beside her lost in thought, wondering what she was thinking of the overheard conversation and how much was said before he even got there. His concern wasn’t for himself, but for Jarrod’s reputation if she repeated what she’d heard.
They’d gone almost a block when Amelia finally spoke, “Is it you?”
Off all the things he expected her to say that was not one of them. Caught off guard, he stopped and stared at her, and Amelia ducked her head as the red crept into her face. Adam recovered and stirred them towards the park across the street. He led her to a bench and sat beside her, “How much did you hear?”
“Enough,” said Amelia, her voice a mere whisper. “I won’t say anything I promise. I know how damaging something like this could be.”
“You say that, but you can’t possibly understand.”
Amelia wanted to reassure him somehow. She needed this job and she couldn’t afford to lose it, but it was going to take more than her word that she would remain silent. “Have you ever heard of a Boston marriage Mr. Cartwright?”
“Yes I have. It’s when two woman friends live together, it’s a convenient way to support themselves when they don’t marry.”
“Looks can be deceiving. I may be taking a great risk here, but somehow I don’t think so.”
Adam looked at her curiously, not sure where she was leading him, “What are you trying to tell me?”
“I understand more than you think, Mr. Cartwright. I live with another woman. We have been together for almost four years now. It is not a relationship of convenience as you so aptly put it. I love Molly, just as I suspect you love him.”
Adam bristled, “You are being presumptuous.”
“Am I? I’ve seen you with him over the last six months. Whenever you come to town, everything about him changes. Its there if you choose to see it.”
Slumping forward, Adam snuck a sideways glance at Miss Amelia Thomas and shook his head, “We are just friends, nothing more.”
“You are more than friends, you just choose to ignore it, deny it, whatever, but it’s there nonetheless. Is that why his family shunned him, they found out?”
“I don’t think any of this is your business.”
Amelia shrugged, “I suppose not. It’s my curious nature.” Very gently, she reached out and rested her hand on his arm, “I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.”
“There is nothing to keep secret. As I said we are just friends.”
“Hmph...so you said,” Amelia smiled at him, “You are a stubborn man, Adam Cartwright.”
Despite himself, Adam had to smile, “Why am I even discussing this with you?”
Squeezing the arm she still held, she said softly, “Who else is there to talk to?”
Adam shook his head, “I barely know you.”
“I suppose that’s true, but what better way to get to know someone than to talk to them.”
“Are you always this outspoken?”
Shaking her head, Amelia answered, “Actually no. You seem to bring out the best in me.”
“You’re frustrating.”
“That too, but you’re warming up to me aren’t you?”
Adam rolled his eyes at her, but found her endearing despite his words. It was unusual to find a woman that didn’t have an ulterior motive, and he found himself relaxing in her presence. He could be himself without worrying that she would want more from him. She was quite simply, willing to listen. With a heavy sigh he began speaking and over the next hour he related more to her than he’d even told Jarrod. He’d been unable to tell Jarrod how he felt, having been forced away from him by his family. Everything he wanted to say had been shut away when Jarrod decided that a friendship was all he could handle. When he finished his story, Amelia shook her head sadly, “You are in a difficult position. You know what you want, he doesn’t.”
“So what do I do?”
Amelia smiled at him, “Well, that smile of yours would melt a million hearts. Just keep smiling.” Adam blushed a bit and Amelia added more seriously, “He loves you Adam, you just have to be patient.”
“And if he decides he can’t accept that?”
“Well, at some point you are going to have to decide if what he is willing to give is enough. If it’s not then you are going to have some hard decisions to make.”
“It gets harder and harder to be with him and not be with him. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense to me, but then I am anything but conventional,” laughed Amelia. Standing up, she reached out her hand to Adam, “Come on, I best be getting back if I want to keep my job.”
Easing himself up, Adam stood before her and dropped a kiss on her cheek, “Thank you. Do you think that we could keep this between us? I don’t think Jarrod would feel comfortable knowing you know about...us.”
“Don’t worry, I want to keep my job!”
Adam teased as he led her back to the office, “I could put in a good word for you.”
“If what you say is true, the less he knows about this the better. I’d hate to lose my job over some unwarranted jealousy.”
Bowing dramatically, Adam smiled, “I will be the perfect gentleman in your presence, dear Amelia.”
“Oh great, you call me Amelia and I can start looking for a new job today.”
“My apologies.... Miss Thomas.”
“That’s better.” As they neared the office, Amelia asked nervously, “Do you think they are gone?”
“I’m sure. They wouldn’t stay any longer than necessary. Do you know if Jarrod is still doing the legal work for the ranch?”
“He was, but that was being discussed just before you got there. Mr. Barkley informed them he no longer wanted to deal with their animosity and would gladly hand it over to another lawyer.”
“Hmmm. What did they say?”
“I couldn’t hear what was said. I’m sorry.”
“I’m going to see if I can get Jarrod out of the office this afternoon. Is his schedule free?”
“I think so. Nothing that can’t be rearranged.”
“Good.” Just before they entered the office, Adam stopped them and spoke quietly, “I really want to thank you for everything. I’m sorry you were put in such a position but I’m glad you told me what you did. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.”
“I understand how difficult this is for you. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”
“I’ll remember that.”
When they entered the office, all was quiet and Amelia returned to her desk and began working while Adam knocked on Jarrod’s door. Not getting a response, he entered and found the office empty. Amelia spoke up behind him as she held up a piece of paper, “It says he’s gone home for the day.”
Adam hurried towards the door, then stopped and returned to Amelia and gave her another quick kiss. “Thank you.”
Amelia shooed him out the door, “Go, before your charm sways even me.” Laughing at her joke, Adam left with a wave.
Adam returned to the townhouse only to find it empty. It was hours before Jarrod finally returned and it was obvious he’d been drinking. He stumbled into the house and went straight for more liquor only to be intercepted by Adam. “You’ve had enough. You can barely stand as it is.”
“It has some wonderful numbing properties,” slurred Jarrod, leaning heavily into Adam.
“You want to tell me what happened to bring this on?”
Jarrod pushed away from him and poured another drink. Holding it up, he spoke with a sneer, “I have officially resigned from my family duties. I can’t work with them any longer. Every time they have to speak to me I can see the hatred and disgust. It’s better this way. They won’t have to deal with me anymore. Seems a new lawyer is in order and I, Jarrod Barkley, can concentrate on my own practice. Wouldn’t want people thinking there was anything amiss within the family.” Downing the brown liquid, he angrily threw the glass against the wall watching it shatter to pieces. As if his own life were suddenly shattered, he dropped to his knees and hung his head. Drunk and unable to maintain his control, Jarrod shoulders shuddered and Adam knew he was crying. He dropped down beside him and didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around Jarrod, knowing that his friend was hurting. Whatever had taken place in the office had forced Jarrod’s hand and his heart ached for him. Jarrod leaned into him and Adam rested his head against his, holding him as he released months of pent up emotions. Nothing was said. Nothing had to be. They sat for a long time before Jarrod began to relax and when Adam started to pull away Jarrod’s hands held him tighter. Holding Jarrod close felt wonderful despite the circumstances and Adam resisted the temptation to caress the one he held.
He suddenly froze as Jarrod’s hand began caressing his chest and brushed over his sensitive skin. His breathing grew louder as Jarrod continued and he knew he should stop it, but it felt so good he wanted it to go on. Jarrod was inebriated and Adam was sure he would regret this tomorrow, so gathering what strength he had, he grasped Jarrod’s wrist and pulled it from his chest, “Stop, please!”
Undeterred, Jarrod lowered his head and began kissing and sucking on Adam’s neck and throat. Panting for a breath, Adam was pushed onto his back and Jarrod lay above him, his teeth finding his cloth-covered nub. Squirming beneath him, Adam pleaded with Jarrod, “Oh god, Jarrod... stop! Don’t do this.” Jarrod hands continued to fondle and each time Adam batted one hand away another found its place. Panting with desire yet desperate to get away from the contact, Adam roughly shoved Jarrod off of him, his voice stern as he hollered, “STOP!!”
Adam’s harshness sobered Jarrod and realizing what he’d done, reddened and staggered to his feet. Looking down at Adam, he stammered, “Oh god, Adam... I’m...I’m...” Jarrod couldn’t face what he’d done and hurried out of the room.
Sitting on the floor Adam called out to stop him, “Jarrod!” Still shaking from Jarrod’s pawing, Adam hung his head in despair as he watched Jarrod leave. The whole situation had finally gotten out of hand and both of them were left reeling in the aftermath. Wiping away the sweat that had gathered on his brow, Adam slowly got to his feet and rearranged his clothes. His body still shivered from Jarrod’s touch and his manhood was painfully hard. Shifting his erection to ease the pain, his body betrayed him and he dropped to his knees as a powerful climax ripped through him. Jarrod’s caresses had pushed him too close to the edge and he fell forward onto one hand as he released months of sexual tension. His hand gripped the sac between his legs as he thrust for the last bit of pleasure before sliding to the floor. It was several minutes before his breathing evened out enough for him to get up. Standing on unsteady legs he went in search of Jarrod.
Adam found Jarrod halfway up the stairs retching the alcohol he’d consumed in abundance. He looked pathetic and Adam reached out only to have his hand slapped away, “Leave me alone.”
“I just want to help you.”
“Why should you? How can you even stand to be near me?”
“That’s the liquor talking, not you. Come on, let me help you.”
Jarrod lifted his head and looked at Adam through red-rimmed eyes, “I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?”
“No. We can talk about it tomorrow. You’re in no condition to talk about anything tonight.”
Nodding, Jarrod let Adam help him to his feet and even accepted a helping hand when he swayed unsteadily. As they neared his room, Jarrod suddenly bolted and dashed to the bathroom, barely making it before his stomach rebelled again. Adam followed after him and sat patiently comforting him even when all that was left was the dry heaves. Exhausted, Jarrod finally passed out on the floor and Adam dutifully cleaned him up and found a pillow and blanket to make his sleep a little more comfortable. Cleaning up the earlier mess and then himself, Adam checked on Jarrod a final time and went to bed, wondering how much he would even remember in the morning.