chaps1870 | New Chapter: Bloodlust Part 12

Title: Bloodlust

Author: Chaps1870

Pairing: McShep

Rating: NC-17

Warning: Vampire AU

Previous chapters here

Restless, John got up and with no better plan he ran. His pace was slower than he would have liked but he still wasn’t feeling up to par. Carson would kill him if he knew he wasn’t resting, but sometimes he just needed to run to shake shit loose in his head. It was enough to clear his mind but as soon as he stopped it all came rushing back and he found himself wandering aimlessly through the halls of Atlantis. Okay, maybe not so aimless; Radek bumped into him outside Rodney’s lab.

Giving John a startled look after nearly running into him, Radek stepped back. “Can I help you, Colonel?”

John rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, feeling awkward for having been caught. “I was just…ah…out for a walk.”

Brows furrowed with concern, Radek asked, “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I’m about rested out,” John sighed, waving for Radek to tag along as he began walking. They walked in silence for several minutes before he spoke again. “I just wanted to say thanks for helping out earlier. Talking to Elizabeth and all.” Radek had spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince her that Rodney was not a threat, but she remained wary. John was surprised at how much Radek actually knew about vampires, all of it accurate as far as he knew.

Looking cautiously over his shoulder as they walked, the scientist whispered to him, “I am sorry I could not do more. At least he is not in cage.”

“You did what you could,” countered John, guiltily. He’d done even less, letting Rodney take the blame for everything that had happened. His own fears kept him from telling the truth. Well, that and his career. While some might be okay with his relationship with Rodney, others, not so much. Especially the U.S. military. Telling somehow negated the whole ‘Don’t ask’ part.

Radek ducked his head, shaking it. “I could not explain without making things difficult for you and Rodney. I am sorry.”

John almost stumbled and stuttered in surprise, fear rising that his secret was out, “Um…so…uh, you know about…”

“The bonding?” Radek nodded. “Yes, and the bloodlust. Rodney said as much.”

Thrown off guard by the scientist’s answer, John muttered absently, “Ahhh.” He wasn’t expecting quite that response. He thought Radek had somehow discovered he and Rodney were in a relationship, not the other. That Rodney had told Radek about the bonding and bloodlust, left him speechless.

Radek smiled innocently, his own face flush as he admitted, “I am vampire, Colonel.”

John actually stumbled this time. Of all the things he was expecting, that wouldn’t have been it. The day was just full of surprises. It certainly explained how Radek knew so much about vampires. It also explained why Rodney had discussed their bonding with Radek or that he had guessed. Most likely the later, remembering Radek’s harsh words to him while Rodney was still caged up. Recovering quickly, John cast a surreptitious look at Radek as he walked beside him.

He watched the other man’s shoulders slump dejectedly, his eyes downcast. Radek muttered, “I should have told Elizabeth that I am vampire. It might have helped Rodney if she knew the truth.”

Grabbing his arm, John stopped and made him look up. “No. Then you’d be locked up and absolutely useless to Rodney.” Letting go, John ducked his head, irritated with himself. “If anyone should have said something, it should have been me.”

Alarmed, Radek shook his head. “No, no, that would not do. We need you here, Colonel. It is not worth risk.”

“We need Rodney here!” exclaimed John.

“Ano, ano, yes, but if you were dismissed, Rodney would go as well,” Radek said quickly, pushing up his glasses as he stared at Sheppard.

Doubtful, John shook his head. “No, he’d never leave Atlantis.”

Radek gave him a saddened look and snorted, “He would leave for you, Colonel.”

That hit John hard and he stared at Radek in shock. He still had so many questions. He hesitated, asking warily, “So…you ever, um, done the bonding thing?”

Nodding, Radek wouldn’t look at him but answered sheepishly, “I am bonded to someone here.”

John responded reflexively, “Carson.” It wasn’t a question.

Radek looked stunned as he reddened. Turning his head sharply, he looked all around then asked in a hushed voice, “How did you know?”

Shrugging, John answered, “My subconscious threw that out there. Lucky guess.” They continued walking. “How long?”

“Humph. Is difficult to answer.”

John frowned. “How can you not know that?” He was pretty certain he would always remember when he and Rodney bonded. He still didn’t understand what ‘bonding’ really meant, but he wasn’t likely to forget it anytime soon.

“I fed on Carson before we bonded. That came later,” Radek explained.

Feeling foolish for asking, John hesitated, “Um, is Carson a vampire?”

Amused, Radek shook his head. He teased, “No. He is mere human.”

John smiled, still full of questions he couldn’t refrain from asking. “So you just asked him if you could feed off him. How does that work? Rodney said he didn’t have to feed.”

Radek answered with a note of sadness, “Rodney is halfblood. Most halfbloods do not generally embrace vampire lifestyle. Most are shunned from a very early age and do not know the ways.”

“But you’re a halfblood,” questioned Sheppard, curious. “Right?”

“I would not be here if I was not.” Nodding, Radek smiled, “I was fortunate to have family. Others are not so lucky. Halfbloods are outcast from the vampire society. If there is no family support then it can be difficult.”

“So, you’re saying Rodney doesn’t feed because he wasn’t brought up that way? So how come the bonding hit him so hard.” John remembered him saying he’d only fed a few times prior to the bonding. He realized how little he knew about Rodney and the whole vampire thing.

“Halfbloods are all different, Colonel. Some can live normal life without ever dealing with problems vampires face. The urges may still be there but they don’t know how to do anything about it or they don’t want to admit that side of themselves.”

John answered solemnly, “Rodney didn’t want to feed off me. He was starving and I still had to force my blood on him.”

Radek looked puzzled, “But you bonded, no?”

“Yeah, but only because he didn’t have a choice. I don’t think he would have fed if we hadn’t been on that planet.”

“A bonding happens only with…” Radek paused, uncertain, “Lovers. I assume that is the case here.”

John blushed red, wincing. “Not so loud.” He looked over his shoulder carefully, thankful they were alone in the hallway.

Radek looked abashed and dropped his voice. “I am sorry, Colonel. It wouldn’t have mattered where you were. A bonding between lovers is not something that can be avoided. Eventually the pull becomes too strong to ignore.”

And yet Rodney said he’d never bonded with anyone before. And wow, wasn’t that a revelation all in itself, that Rodney had never loved anyone enough to bond before.

There were so many questions John wanted to ask, but he was still a little embarrassed by his own reaction to the whole bonding thing. It was one thing to admit he’d bonded to the snarky scientist, it was quite another to admit he enjoyed letting Rodney take over. His ego wasn’t ready for anyone to find out he was willing to submit to Rodney. And wasn’t that just the kicker. He was willing. Way too fucking willing.

With a quick goodbye, he left Radek before he said something he’d regret. Standing in the hall after his getaway, he debated visiting Rodney, but he was clueless there. What the hell was he going to say? He didn’t really understand the whole turnaround in what he thought was a pretty set preference; he’d topped his whole life. Okay, admittedly he hadn’t tried anything else before but it was still a little unnerving to discover that he’d sell his soul to have Rodney fill his ass again. To say it was a little overwhelming was an understatement.

If that weren’t bad enough, he wanted to go back to that place where he didn’t have to worry about a damn thing but the pleasure washing over him as Rodney took control. Everything revolved around that headspace. It was the main reason he’d backed off on the planet. It scared him to think how easy it would be to just let go and have Rodney take control again. As much as he wanted it, he wasn’t ready for it and staying clear of Rodney for the time being allowed him to avoid the temptation of giving in. There was no doubt in John’s mind that if Rodney asked to feed, he would bare his neck with embarrassing haste just to feel that close to someone again. Hell, no one had managed to affect him as Rodney had. Even when he was married he’d hadn’t felt the closeness he felt with Rodney, even without the so called bond.

There was something he didn’t really want to dwell on too much. He had no idea what the bond was all about. It wasn’t like he felt all that different, at least not at the moment. He’d maybe felt a stronger pull when Rodney was in the cage ‘under the influence’ of his blood, but he could easily convince himself that it was because he was worried about him and not some inexplicable need that drew him closer. That need to touch had tugged at him, making him reach out even when he knew it would give them away. God, and it was Rodney who’d found the strength to act, to pull away.

Stopping from his aimless wandering, John leaned into the wall, letting Atlantis’ cool walls take some of the heat from his face. Oh, who the fuck was he kidding. He wanted Rodney, needed him and he was standing in the middle of the hallway agonizing over his inaction when he should be at Rodney’s side offering, at the very least, his support. He so sucked at this relationship stuff. Pushing off the wall with a grunt of frustration and indecision, he turned back the way he’d come, no closer to a solution than he had been.

*************

Elizabeth entered Rodney’s private room but kept a safe distance. Rodney wasn’t stupid and even if he were, he could smell the fear on her. Rolling over, ignoring the barely discernable flinch as she resisted the urge to take a step back, he snapped, “I won’t bite.”

He watched as she tried to recover, tentatively approaching the bed. “Of course not. I…um…I’m just not that good at the whole bedside thing.”

“So I’ve heard,” Rodney said, unconvinced.

He watched as Elizabeth tried to relax. The fear was still there, but she closed the distance, albeit reluctantly. Positioning herself at the foot of the bed, it was close enough to look normal but she wasn’t fooling anyone. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He had to bite back a sarcastic answer, feeling none too charitable towards her or her pleasantries at the moment. He was still feeling hurt by everyone’s actions toward him. Radek and Carson had at least made some effort to talk to him. His teammates, John included had yet to come by. Elizabeth looked very much like she’d drawn the short straw and wanted to be anywhere but where she was.

Shifting on her feet, Elizabeth crossed her arms. Her face couldn’t hide the disappointment, the betrayal. “You could have told me.”

Rodney sighed, “Oh right, because everyone has been so understanding. Full disclosure hasn’t exactly been working to my advantage lately.”

Elizabeth looked sufficiently scolded and dropped her gaze. “I’m sorry for the way we’ve had to handle this, Rodney, but the safety of this mission takes priority, even if it is you.”

She hated the position she had to take and this conversation wasn’t any easier than the earlier meeting with those directly involved in the whole fiasco had been.

The meeting was subdued, mostly Radek fielding questions from Lorne, Ronon, and Teyla about vampires and the cause of Rodney’s episode. Carson confirmed that he was no longer a threat and it was most likely a single incident brought about by the ‘overdose’ of blood. Elizabeth was wary.

“What reassurances do we have that he won’t feed at some point in the future? Right now, the only people that know about this are right here. I can’t guarantee that if it were to happen again.”

Lorne was present due to John’s off duty status. He was under the same gag order as everyone else regarding the true nature of Rodney’s condition, so that was one less thing they had to worry about. Carson had wisely cleared out the infirmary when Rodney and John were first brought in and only those present in the jumper knew about his altered state.

“McKay doesn’t do the blood thing. The only reason he did what he did was because I would have bled to death.” John looked at Elizabeth, his eyes boring into her, willing her to understand. “He saved my life. I wasn’t in any danger.”

“You can’t know that for sure, John.” None of them could be sure of what Rodney would do. She certainly hadn’t expected him go ballistic after his return from the planet. Try as she might, she couldn’t shake the images or stop the involuntary shivers when she thought about it. Moving her hands, she wiped her sweaty palms on her pants, keeping them under the table until the shaking went away.

“I know…”Sheppard had his jaw clenched tight. Elizabeth was certain his hands were in tight fists under the table as he spoke, “Because I had to force him to feed on me on the planet and it wasn’t anything like this.”

Both Teyla and Ronon raised a brow. Lorne looked as stunned as she felt. John explained quietly, averting his eyes from their curious looks. “He was starving to death. What they fed us just wasn’t enough for him. We worked out a deal for more food but it was expensive and he just kept getting worse. I knew if he fed, he’d be alright. He wouldn’t do it. He was gonna let himself die rather than feed.”

Those at the table were quiet until Teyla spoke, “You knew he was a vampire.” It wasn’t really a question just a statement of fact.

Elizabeth watched as Teyla and John shared a brief look. She knew that John’s admission had just removed any lingering doubts regarding Rodney from the Athosian’s mind. If John could remain loyal to Rodney despite him being a vampire than Teyla was willing to transfer that same loyalty to her teammate.

Truth be told, Elizabeth was afraid of Rodney. His violent display in the infirmary and later in the brig had left her doubting her ability to read people. She never would have guessed and more than anything she was angry and upset that Rodney hadn’t trusted her enough to say anything about being a vampire.

Her reverie was broken as John explained, “When we were trapped in the cave during the culling, Rodney healed my arm. He begged me not to say anything.”

“So you’ve known for some time that Rodney was a vampire,” asked Elizabeth, knowing she wasn’t hiding her disappointment or anger at being left out of the loop. This was something she should have been aware of. That they didn’t trust her hurt.

Face scrunching, John nodded guiltily. The look she flashed him had John straightening from his slouch. He immediately became defensive, either about his actions or Rodney, she wasn’t sure, “He was afraid of being locked up.” Staring back at her, he resisted a sneer, “Can’t really blame him for that.”

Visibly deflating, her voice belied the anger still seething inside, “The question still remains. What are we going to do with him?”

John bristled visibly. “Do with him? He hasn’t hurt anyone and if he hadn’t saved me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Be that as it may, I am still responsible for the safety of this expedition.” She gave him a pointed look. “Until such time Rodney is deemed safe, he will have to be confined.”

Carson chimed in, “We have him isolated in the infirmary. He’s shown no sign of aggression since we removed him from the cage so I think it’s safe to say the effects have worn off.”

It was Teyla who was once again the voice of reason. “Perhaps we should include Doctor McKay in any further discussions. It is his life we are speaking of. Would it not be unfair to decide anything without giving him a chance to speak?”

Quiet to this point, Ronon spoke in his defense, “Seems only fair.”

Noting Carson and Radek’s nods as well, she had to concede. It wasn’t surprising to see Sheppard’s team rally around him. The trust they placed in each other was what made them the best team on Atlantis. What was surprising was to see Carson and Radek negating the seriousness of the situation. They were usually the ones that voiced the most concern over safety issues. It left her and Major Lorne as the only real holdouts for keeping a cautionary eye on Dr. McKay. Lorne was Sheppard’s man and any hope that he would speak out against his commanding officer was dwindling. She felt the lone dissenter at times like this.

Unclasping her hands, she laid them flat on the table. “Alright then. I’d like to resolve this as soon as possible.” She looked at Beckett. “Let me know when he’s up to talking.”

Standing up wearily, she dismissed them and decided it was time to get some much needed sleep. The strain of the day had left her exhausted. She considered asking John to stay, but he’d made his position very clear and any further discussion would only end in a heated stalemate. That he’d left the infirmary before Carson released him wasn’t doing him any favors and he still looked a little pale from his ordeal. She couldn’t in good conscience keep him any longer. Carson had given her a small nod of approval as he departed, taking John in a firm grip on his way out.

She was left with figuring out what she would say to Rodney when the time came.

Standing at his bedside, she was no closer to finding the answer. She knew that Rodney was probably correct in his self assessment. Looking down at him now, he looked perfectly harmless, maybe even vulnerable if she were being honest. He bore no resemblance to the crazed individual that had torn apart the infirmary. And yet she couldn’t disregard the fact that it had happened.

Elizabeth tried to hide the hurt that still lingered and got right to the point. With a deep breath she started, “I need to know what happened.”

Rodney didn’t give an inch. “You read my report.”

“Yes, I did, but I was hoping you might elaborate.”

Pulling himself higher on the bed, Rodney crossed his arms defensively, raised his chin and snorted, “I’m a vampire, Elizabeth. How’s that for elaboration?”

“You could have told me.”

“Oh right, because I could predict that Sheppard was going to bleed out and I’d be forced to expose myself.” He stared hard at her as he continued, “You were never supposed to know. No one was ever supposed to know.”

“What did you think would happen?”

Rodney eyes rolled towards the ceiling and said tightly, “Oh, I don’t know. You’d lock me up and treat me like some lab rat. Oh wait, you did lock me up.”

Elizabeth countered defensively, “That’s not fair, Rodney. I might have handled it differently if you’d told me sooner.”

Shaking his head, Rodney snapped, “And how would that conversation have gone? Oh, guess what, Elizabeth? I’m a vampire, but don’t worry, I’m perfectly harmless. You’re upset I didn’t tell you and why should I?”

Planting her hands on the bedrail, Elizabeth leaned forward, her voice terse as she spoke, “You tore up the infirmary trying to get to Colonel Sheppard then you tried to strangle Carson. Don’t tell me that you aren’t a threat.”

“You’re afraid of me.” It wasn’t really a question and Rodney stared at her, daring her to deny it.

She couldn’t and dropped her gaze. “I’d be lying if I said I was comfortable with this whole situation. I don’t want this to escalate, Rodney, but I really need to know more if I’m going to make an informed decision about what to do with you.”

Rodney bristled. “Don’t I get a say in it?”

Elizabeth sighed in frustration. The scientist was difficult on his best days. “It’s why I am here, Rodney. I need your help understanding this. I need to know what happened. None of us, myself included, know what you’re going through or what being a vampire involves.”

For the first time since she’d entered, Rodney seemed unsure of himself. He was quiet for several long seconds before some of the tenseness eased and his shoulders dropped. When he glanced up, the hardness she’d witnessed earlier had vanished, leaving behind a lost, fearful look. “I’m a halfblood.” As she opened her mouth to ask, he forestalled her question with a raised hand. “It means that I’m probably more human than vampire. I don’t have all the normal urges.”

“Like what?” she asked, finding herself relaxing a bit at this softer version of Rodney.

“I don’t normally drink blood. I only did what I did to save Sheppard. He would have died before we ever left that planet if I hadn’t acted.”

It didn’t surprise her that Rodney had acted so selflessly. Despite his protestations to the contrary, Rodney was very loyal to his teammates and friends. He probably hadn’t thought twice about the consequences of his actions until after the fact. “We are all grateful for what you did but that doesn’t negate the possible threat you pose to this expedition. How do I know you won’t…” She hesitated, her diplomatic skills leaving her for a moment. Steeling herself, she looked him in the eye. “How can I be certain you won’t hurt someone next time?”

Rodney deflated, leaning back in the bed as he stared up at the ceiling. His words were whispered. “You can’t.”

Eyes widened as she blanched. Elizabeth hadn’t expected him to be so forward with his answer. Caught off guard, it took several seconds to recover enough to continue. “That’s not very reassuring.”

McKay’s head came up and he looked her in the eye. “If you think talking to me is going to prove enlightening you’re going to be very disappointed.” He seemed disgusted with himself as he added with a huff, “I know about as much as you do.”

Elizabeth frowned. “I only know what Radek has told me. Up until all this, I would have said it was all a myth.”

Rodney snorted, “No, not a myth.” Shifting on the bed and dragging himself higher, he took a deep breath. “I’m a halfblood. My mother was a vampire, my father wasn’t. My sister and I were raised by my father, so I know very little about the whole vampire culture.” He added air quotes to his last words. “I don’t normally drink blood. I don’t have to and to be honest the whole transferring of body fluids is kind of creepy. It’s a pathogenic nightmare.” He shuddered for effect.

“But you knew you could save Colonel Sheppard. Twice it seems.” Elizabeth couldn’t help but point out that she’d been kept in the dark. He prepared to counter her remark, but she cut him off. “And apparently you fed off of him while on Telosia.”

Rodney paled, retorting lamely, “He made me.”

It was so Rodney she almost smiled. She barely managed a neutral expression. “He claims it was to save your life.”

“It was his turn.” said Rodney, downplaying the seriousness of the whole affair. “It’s that hero complex he has going,”

“And you returned the favor?”

Rodney looked at her, incredulous. “Would you rather I’d let him die?

“No, of course not.” Elizabeth paled and couldn’t hide the shiver at thought of John being dead. “We were lucky this time. I don’t want there to be a next time.”

“And you think I do? I preferred when everyone was blissfully ignorant.” Rodney shifted on the bed and looked at her in the eye with a new determination. “I can’t guarantee there won’t be a next time any more than I could predict what would happen this time. I won’t stand by and let anyone on my team die when I can save them.”

“I wouldn’t want you to,” answered Elizabeth.

“What do want me to do, Elizabeth? Because I really don’t know what it is you want from me. You can’t have it both ways,” Rodney stated, confused and frustrated by the present situation.

Several moments passed as Elizabeth took in what Rodney was saying and it suddenly struck her then that she’d put him in an unfair position. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. She had spent the last day worrying more about the negative affects of Rodney being a vampire than the good he had done; namely, saving John from certain death. Feeling contrite, she shook her head, daring to look at him. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be…” Stopping mid-sentence, as what she said caught up with him, he frowned. “Why are you sorry?”

Shifting from the end of the bed to the side she spoke sincerely, “It seems I’ve let my own fears cloud my judgment. Perhaps if you could tell me about vampires we can get past the misconceptions and start over.”

Rodney took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I can only relate how it affects me, Elizabeth. I don’t drink blood for sustenance. I can get by eating regular food just fine. Not citrus, of course but most food is fine. Although, those purple fruits from 884 are pretty nasty and how anything that tastes that foul could be considered fruit is beyond me. I mean really, shouldn’t fruit be sweet and…”

Elizabeth, feeling tired, cut off his tirade. “Rodney!”

Crossing his arms indignantly, he scowled at her. “What?”

Sighing, she kept calm, only just barely. “You were telling me about being a vampire.”

“I was…until you interrupted me.”

Rolling her eyes, Elizabeth shook her head, fighting for patience. “Rodney, please.”

Rodney huffed, “Fine. Where was I?”

“You were telling me about food.”

***

Rodney spent the next hour telling her about himself. He talked some more about feeding but very carefully didn’t mention anything about bonding or his relationship with John. It wasn’t as if feeding during bonding was a food issue so he wasn’t completely dishonest by not bringing it up. He told her about his light intolerance, toning it down for fear if he said too much she’d remove him from the team.

Hedging his bet, he spent a little time relating some of his childhood to her. Nothing too personal but enough to let her know he wasn’t holding back information. He couldn’t tell her what he didn’t know and it helped her to realize that he wasn’t a typical vampire. It took some time, but he could sense the change in Elizabeth. For one thing the stench of fear was gone and in its place was a new calm. By the time he finished, he was fairly certain he’d swung her to his side.

“So do you think anything like this will happen again?” Elizabeth asked.

His elation faltered at her question and he hesitated before answering. “Considering where we are in the universe, I can’t say it won’t. Look, I don’t like doing it any more than you like seeing it, so I think it’s safe to say that it will only happen in the direst situation.”

He’d like to think that he’d never be put in the same position again, but he was a realist if nothing else. The Pegasus Galaxy exuded bad karma and his luck just wasn’t that good even on his best day.

Elizabeth appeared to consider his response, “I suppose that is the most I can ask of you.”

Brightening, Rodney pushed himself up higher on the bed. He hadn’t really expected such a rapid turnaround but then Elizabeth was generally fair when the facts were laid out for her. He blurted out, hopefully, “Does this mean that I’m free to go?”

Nodding slowly, Elizabeth answered with a smile, “Yes, but Carson must clear you first.”

Sitting up, Rodney took a deep breath and shouted, “CARSON!”

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Date: 2007-04-03 03:30 am (UTC)

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