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Title: Bloodlust
Author: Chaps1870
Pairing: McShep
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Vampire AU
previous chapters here
previous chapters here
Sauntering into the lab, John slid the tray of food he was carrying onto the desk then settled in to watch Rodney work. It was only the two of them and it took several long moments for Rodney to notice him, or possibly it was the smell of food.
Rodney finally gave him a double take. “How long have you been here?”
John shrugged nonchalantly. “Hour.”
“Really?” Rodney frowned. He went back to typing after tossing John a disgusted sneer. “That stops being funny after a while.”
“Not really,” John chuckled, arching an eyebrow. It was just too much fun to yank on Rodney’s chain and he fell for it every time. John couldn’t help himself. He’d missed it. Hell, he’d missed Rodney, missed just having him around night and day. How sad was that they’d spent the last month in hell and he missed it?
They hadn’t really talked since Rodney’s release a couple days ago but John decided to bite the bullet. Dropping his hands to the desk, he gripped the edge. “Um…about…”
Rodney flinched, his head still turned away then began rambling. “I…uh…look, I didn't ah, not on purpose." He waved at John's neck, "...it really wasn’t ... I couldn’t very well let you bleed to death…” His fingers rubbed against his palm. “So much blood. Uhh...did I....after....did I do something stupid?"
John shuddered thinking about how close he’d come. He knew that if Rodney hadn’t healed him he'd be dead. What’s left to say after that? “Nah, it's okay. Did I say thanks?”
Rodney rolled his chair back and looked up at him, incredulous and confused. “That’s it? Thanks? You don’t speak to me for days after I practically out you to the entire population and you… all you can come up with to say is 'Thanks'? God, you suck at this even worse than I do and really, Colonel, I didn’t think that was possible.”
"Rodney, I'm trying to thank you for saving my life.” He was angry, mad at Rodney for making this hard and at himself for being as bad as Rodney said he was. “I was entitled to a freak out. I’ve never had multiple orgasms before.” He shrugged. “And you didn’t out us. Well, Radek and Carson know and Teyla and Ronon probably suspect, but Elizabeth and Lorne wouldn’t see it unless it hit them in the face.”
Rodney snorted, the tension in his shoulders minutely less, “That’s because she has the hots for you and in Lorne’s perfect military mind his CO cannot be gay.”
John couldn’t help grinning. It was good to see Rodney interacting instead of moping. He knew it wouldn’t last but it was a start. After everything that had happened he still didn’t want to lose Rodney. He just wasn’t sure where they stood at the moment. They still had to get past the whole bonding issue, whatever the hell that was.
John tried not to let his mind drift back to the bonding but it was impossible. He’d never been so turned on in his life and he would have done anything Rodney asked for one more orgasm. Which turned into ten or twenty and fuck, he wanted that again, but he was scared to death of giving up the control.
Snagging the bread off the tray he’d brought, John picked at it. “Did you know Radek’s a vampire?”
“Only recently.” Rodney smirked, “And how would I know that? It’s not like we have a secret handshake.”
“That would be cool.”
Rodney rolled his eyes. “Only in your world. Did you want something or did you simply get bored playing with your Erector Set?”
The silence stretched on, John stealing food from Rodney’s tray. “He’s bonded to Carson,” John added, dragging out the earlier conversation.
Rodney slapped John’s hand as he reached for a cookie. The scientist snatched it up and growled around a bite. “And you can stop bringing me food. I’m not going to suddenly attack you because I’m hungry.”
“That’s not why…” John tried to defend himself, convince himself, “I know you’ve been trying to catch up after being gone so long. You forget to eat.”
Turning back to his computer, Rodney took some of his anger out on his keyboard as he stabbed at the keys. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself just fine, Colonel.”
Taking a chance, John leaned forward enough to drop his hand onto Rodney’s shoulder. “Doesn’t mean you have to.”
Rodney stared at him, incredulous. “After I fed on you, you still want to hang around? I know you’re still freaking about that.”
John considered denying it but this was Rodney. “Okay, yeah, maybe. We haven’t talked all that much. It’s only been a week.”
“You didn’t give me a chance. You went off in a tizzy,” huffed Rodney, crossing his arms.
“A tizzy?” repeated John, indignantly. Rodney was staring at him with those damn blue eyes and John broke. “I wasn’t expecting it to be that intense.”
“And you think I did? I’m trying to do what you want, but you aren’t making it very easy. Other than the food that shows up while I’m working I haven’t seen you much.”
John didn’t need Rodney telling him that. He knew he was being difficult but he was discovering things about himself that weren’t settling too well and he didn’t have a clue how to deal with it. His temper flared and he ground out, “Well, this isn’t exactly easy, Rodney. I never expected to be a relationship with a vampire.”
Rodney shrugged away from John’s grasp and looked away. “Touché, Colonel.”
“Don’t,” demanded John, grabbing his arm and pulling Rodney around to face him. “I’m trying. Give me a break here.”
Rodney sighed wearily, rubbing at the tension in his neck, “We’re bonded. I can’t take it back. I’m sorry.”
John interrupted him, frustrated. “That’s just it, Rodney. You say we’re bonded but I have no idea what that means.” Straightening up, he flung his arms out. “I don’t know what any of this means.”
“It would help if I knew what you wanted,” sighed Rodney, shifting in his chair to take some of the pressure off his sore leg.
John didn’t want to admit what he wanted and he was still having issues with telling Rodney the real reason for his apprehension. He stalled. “What do you want?”
“I want everything to go back to the way it was before you found out. You know the part where we hung out together, had fun. I got laid on a semi-regular basis and you weren’t scared to death of me.”
John’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“Right,” Rodney pointed to his chest and snorted, “Bond, remember. I know you’re afraid. I’m just not sure why.”
Squirming where he leaned against the desk, John couldn’t look him in the eye. “Okay, so maybe I’m afraid but it’s not you.”
Rodney rolled his eyes, “Oh please, you sound like half the girls that have ever dumped me?” There was a brief flash of hurt in Rodney’s face before turning his attention to his computer.
John cringed at being called a girl. He couldn’t help the anger in his tone, “You know what? Forget it.” He turned to leave but Rodney bolted from his chair, grabbing him and spinning him around. He managed not to flinch as the fingers on his bicep dug painfully into the muscle.
“Oh right, walk away like you always do. Well get this, Colonel, I'd love to forget this ever happened, but I can't. Every time you come near me I’m reminded of it.” Rodney said angrily, his face tightening, growing red.
Grabbing the hand holding his arm in a death grip, John wrenched it free and pushed Rodney back, watching as he flailed on his injured leg. It was like a slow motion flick, Rodney ending up sprawled on the desk, his computer tottering on the edge as he tried to reach for the precious machinery. John saw the brief flicker of pain and reacted without thinking, grabbing the computer before it could end up on the floor at the same time he reached out a steadying hand to Rodney, who batted it away and sat up slowly.
“Look, just go and leave me alone.” Rodney rubbed his forehead, not bothering to hide the defeat he was feeling as his shoulders slumped and his hands dropped in his lap.
John seriously considered leaving, taking the easy way out. The look on Rodney’s face told him it would only be harder the next time and he sighed inwardly. Placing the computer in his hand on the lab bench behind him, he hopped up on the desk next to Rodney. Leaning closer, he nudged him with his shoulder. “Sorry. I hate doing the… …talking thing.” Waving his hand didn’t help get the words out.
Rodney rolled his eyes and teased. “You are so twelve,”
“Yeah, well, twelve year olds aren’t being fucked by vampires.”
Rodney smiled at first then his face lost all amusement and he got that look. The one that meant he’d figured something out. Sometimes there were advantages to dating a genius and Rodney wasn’t nearly as clueless as some believed. He asked warily, “So, is it the fucking or vampire thing?”
John stalled, reaching up to rub his chin. It was now or never. He blurted it out, “It’s the whole possessive thing you do, okay. It makes me feel like a girl.” He knew his face was red and there was no way he was looking Rodney in the eye. “I’m the military commander here. What will my men think?”
The bastard snorted at him, loudly, “I can’t believe you. It’s okay for you but not for....” Rodney got real quiet and John knew he was fucked. “Wait a minute. You thought I was the girl when you were fucking me, didn’t you? Now that the tables are turned, your military manliness can’t handle that, can it?”
John couldn’t really say that wasn’t it, because it kinda was. He felt like an asshole. His silence said enough and Rodney couldn’t help commenting, “Oh, that is just so typical.” Rodney continued to vent as he pushed himself off the desk. He landed hard enough to make him wince and hop a bit on his good leg and John made a grab for him only to be brushed off. Thankfully, it was more of a pissy brush off than an angry one. Pissy Rodney was easier to deal with than an angry one. “First of all, taking it in the ass does not make you the girl, or me for that matter. I don’t have girl parts, you don’t have girl parts, hence no girls in this relationship.” He was now pacing, his hands working as much as his mouth. John was trying not to stare when Rodney pointed a finger upward and spoke, “Secondly, it’s all rather moot at this point. I don’t plan on feeding off you so you won’t have to be the ‘girl’.” Rodney made sure to add the air quotes. “And, if I don’t feed you don’t have to worry about me embarrassing you in front of your men. It won’t happen again.”
Rodney just stood there, staring at him, waiting for some sort of response and John couldn’t speak. He was expecting Rodney to rant and rave about the whole girl issue but he wasn’t expecting him to come up with quite the solution he did. No more feeding? He wasn’t expecting the way his heart stuttered or his stomach rolled over at that idea and he frowned. “What?”
“No more feeding. Before that we were fine or at least I think we were fine.” Rodney hesitated, his insecurities shining through, “We were fine weren’t we?”
Flustered by his own reaction, John nodded numbly. He was having a difficult time getting his head around the hollowness he was suddenly feeling. He said quietly, trying to smile, “Sure.”
“Great.” Rodney clapped his hands together and smiled back. It didn’t reach his eyes. “Um, I really need to get caught up on some of the backlog.” End of discussion apparently. Rodney grabbed for his computer and setting it on his desk, powered it up.
“That’s it?” John could only stare in disbelief. This wasn’t over.
John caught a fraction of a second of the anguish Rodney was feeling but it passed quickly. Rodney plopped into his chair and was typing again, not looking at him. “Yes, that’s it. I know you’re afraid of the whole feeding thing and I’m certainly not going to force it on you. If you’re that uncomfortable with it, we just won’t do it.”
“It’s not the feeding. It’s what it does to me.”
Rodney absently waved his hand in the air, his other still typing, not bothering to look up. “I know, the whole me fucking you like a girl thing. I get it.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it? You can’t handle bottoming because somewhere in your mind it makes you less of a man.” Okay that hurt. Rodney wasn’t supposed to be so perceptive. He must have given something away because when Rodney finally glanced up at him, he said wearily, “That’s what I thought.”
John took a seat at the edge of Rodney’s desk, his back more or less to him. It was easier that way. He didn’t have to see the hurt in Rodney’s eyes. “It’s not that simple.” Actually, it was but he couldn’t leave it like this. “I don’t know what I’m feeling and I suck at the whole talking about it thing.”
“I got that,” said Rodney, sarcastically. He added more seriously, resigned even, “Look, it’s fine. We’ll go back to the way it was. It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it.”
Guilt flooded through John, but it did nothing to fill the hollowness of what he was missing. “I’m sorry. This is new to me. I need time to wrap my head around it.”
Rodney nodded and John pushed off the desk, intent on leaving while he was ahead. He’d almost made it to the door when Rodney asked meekly, “Can I ask you something?”
He stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Did you enjoy it?”
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