Title: Bloodlust
Author: Chaps1870
Pairing: McShep
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Vampire AU
A/N: This is one of those inbetween chapters. Nothing really happening, but it gets you from where you are in the story to where you need to be and takes care of alot of those pesky little details. In other words, it's probably boring, but needs to done.
Thanks to![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
misty4mefor her beta skills.
A/N: This is one of those inbetween chapters. Nothing really happening, but it gets you from where you are in the story to where you need to be and takes care of alot of those pesky little details. In other words, it's probably boring, but needs to done.
Thanks to
misty4mefor her beta skills. Chapter Fourteen
It had been two days since their conversation and Rodney still hadn’t seen John outside of the work setting. He’d wandered to the lab a few times, mostly to bring by a meal or a cup of coffee, but they hadn’t spent any free time together like they used to. It wasn’t so much uncomfortable as awkward but neither was willing to give up just yet.
It was harder to get back to what they’d had than he’d thought it would be but then he wasn’t going out of his way to push John into something either. Rodney was more than willing to sit back and give John the time he’d asked for, as hard as that was. It was better than the alternative, pushing too hard and losing him.
The only thing keeping him from going crazy was the bond. It was comforting to know that John still had the same feelings toward him, confused as they were at times. If he hadn’t had the bond to reassure him of that it would have been difficult to keep all his insecurities at bay.
They had a mission tomorrow so maybe that would loosen things a bit and make it more comfortable between them. Nothing like being chased by angry villagers or being shot at to set your priorities straight. Even a good mission heightened the senses enough allow him to forget all the other stuff going on.
He’d snuck in a pre-mission checkup after dinner and was back in the lab. A few days weren’t enough to catch up on a month of missed work. Radek had done a good job so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been but he wasn’t going to mention that. No point feeding his ego.
It was late and only he and Radek remained, but that wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was Radek’s comment. “Use magic gene to turn down lights, please.”
Rodney looked up from his computer. “What are you mumbling about?”
“My eyes hurt.” Radek had taken off his glasses and was rubbing his eyes. He waved at the over lights. “Turn them down. It will also help your headache.”
“I don’t have a headache,” Rodney snapped.
“Then why are you frowning as you work?” asked Radek, taking the opportunity to clean his glasses, glancing up when the lights dimmed despite Rodney’s denial.
Rodney did in fact have a dull ache behind his eyes but he wasn’t going to admit that—not now. “Maybe it’s because I’m forced to deal with idiots that can’t seem to work without supervision. I go away for a month and they think they are on vacation.”
Radek deadpanned, “Yes, Rodney, it was great time without you. We spent many weeks searching while you basked in sun.”
“Well a day or two sooner would have been nice,” sighed Rodney, wondering if things would be different if he hadn’t had to feed.
“It would not have changed anything, Rodney, only delayed it.”
Rodney slumped back in his seat and closed his eyes. He muttered, “I know that, but that doesn’t mean…” He didn’t know what it meant. There was so much he didn’t know and he felt stupid having to ask someone, especially Radek.
“Are you and the colonel having problems?” Radek hesitated, his chair squeaking as he fidgeted.
Rodney wanted to tell him it was none of his business and it really wasn’t but Radek was the only person Rodney had who could actually give him some answers.
Ignoring Radek’s question, he asked his own, “Look, I know that this will only inflate your ego but this is the one time, and I might add, the only time you actually know more than me.” Radek nodded with a barely suppressed smirk. Rodney responded with an eye roll, “Yes, yes, you are all powerful and all knowing. I need some answers.”
Satisfied, Radek answered earnestly, “I will try.”
“Good, good,” said Rodney, rubbing his clammy hands together before waving one of them nervously. “How does the bond thing work? This bond with the colonel, I can sense some of his emotions when they are strong enough but what else. What does he get out of it? Is it always like this? Because I have to tell you that it really sucks at the moment and how the hell do you live like this?” He took a deep breath and let it out, waiting for the other scientist to answer. It was a relief to get at least some of that out.
Radek stared at him, eyes still wide from Rodney’s venting. “First of all, the bond is not always same for everyone. I have bonded two times. Both were different but still kind of same. Mostly as you said, you can feel emotions.”
“Two times?” questioned Rodney, surprised by this revelation.
“Yes, once a long, long time ago…” Radek said, almost sadly, his eyes distant. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he added, “and now with Carson.”
Frowning, Rodney asked, “I thought the bond was for life.”
Radek replied wistfully, “Their lifetime, not yours.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Despite his best efforts, Rodney’s voice shook with fear. He really didn’t want to hear this, afraid of what it would mean.
Staring in disbelief, Radek first took a deep breath. Rodney couldn’t be sure if it was to calm the sadness in his eyes or frustration. “I forget that you do not know.” He sucked in a lungful of air and let it out slowly before beginning again, “Because of bond, the colonel will live longer.”
“What are you saying?” Rodney almost growled.
“The bond,” Radek paused, “well, that and feeding will extend Colonel’s life. Not forever, but for very long time. Unlike you, he cannot heal himself but he will not age as quickly.” The sadness in his voice told Rodney there was more to the story.
“But they can still die.”
“Yes. They can be killed,” Radek said quietly, almost a whisper.
Feeling badly but not sure why, Rodney tried to apologize, “I didn’t mean to…um, I just… I’m sorry.”
“It was not your fault. It was long time ago.” He added, “Before you were born.”
Shocked, Rodney sat speechless. He was finding out more than he wanted and why the hell didn’t he know all this. Still, he needed to know. He was doing his best not to hyperventilate. “Just how old are you?”
“183. Which, before you ask, is young for most vampires.”
Feeling light-headed, Rodney leaned forward in his chair, dropping his head in his hands as he tried to catch his breath. He was vaguely aware of Radek’s chair moving and the soft sound of footsteps. It still startled him when a hand fell on his shoulder. “Take deep breaths. I know this is shock to you.”
Big understatement and hands flying wildly, Rodney erupted, “A shock! I just find out that I get to live forever.” He was on his feet, face red as he ranted loudly, “But what the hell good does that do me when the one person I pick to spend my life with has a death wish. Oh, but he’ll age well, he just won’t live long enough to enjoy it.” Exhausted, Rodney dropped heavily into his chair, still breathing harshly.
Radek dragged a chair closer and sat down, pulling his glasses off to rub his face. “I do not know what to say to make this easier. I would not have traded my time with my wife even knowing what I do. Just as I would not trade my time with Carson. It is not good to dwell on bad things. We live a very long time, my friend, and it would not be good to not enjoy what we can.”
“This sucks,” sighed Rodney, tired.
“Is not all bad. The bond can be very rewarding.”
“Speaking of the which,” Rodney said pointedly, glaring at Radek. “You still haven’t told me much.”
“As I said, is different for everyone. The bond I have with Carson is different than my first bonding and yet… is same in some ways.” Radek pinched the bridge of his nose before replacing his glasses. “It gives you a new awareness of person, but not something you can quantify. It is just there. It is like having something inside you filled and you wonder how you did without them.”
It didn’t exactly make sense, but Rodney understood what Radek was saying. He didn’t realize how empty his life had been until John came along, even without the bond. With the bond, he could sense a contentedness inside that had never been there before. There was nothing left to wonder about his relationship with John because it was all right there. No hiding behind a mask or denying his emotions. “So they feel this too?”
Radek shrugged. “To some degree. Is stronger for us. They feel it strongest during feeding.”
“So what exactly do they get out of the bond?” Rodney needed to know because the whole bond thing seemed too one sided. If all John got out of it was great sex it seemed too much like bribery in his mind. “I don’t want a sex toy.”
“Is not a bad thing,” Radek chuckled and Rodney glared at him. Radek added more sincerely, “but no, it is not what either of us wants. The bond is there so that the guilt of feeding does not tear you apart. You will know he wants you for more than what he gets during feeding and he will know that you do not want him as sex toy and food source.”
It gave Rodney a lot to think about but it did take away some of his fears. He still had questions but it was enough for now. He’d pick Radek’s brain another time. Deciding to call it a night, he shut down his laptop and closed the lid. As he rose to go, he knew he should thank his friend. “Um…” His hand gestured in the air, but the words didn’t come any easier. “I just wanted…thank you.”
Radek nodded and left it at that but as Rodney reached the door, the scientist spoke again. “It is most intense at the start but it eases off to where you feel more in control. The first months are always the hardest…for both of you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Rodney muttered softly as he left the lab. For the first time since he’d fed, Rodney thought that maybe he might want to try again, when and if John ever decided he was ready.
*************************
John wasn’t looking forward to his pre-mission checkup. Usually it didn’t bother him but seeing Carson and knowing what he did made it awkward. The worst part was that Beckett could probably answer his questions, but how the hell did he ask them.
Carson didn’t seem too affected by the whole affair and patted the bed when John walked in. “Have a seat, Colonel and we’ll get this done as quickly as possible.”
Stripping out of his shirt, John hopped up on the bed and waited. There was no one else in the infirmary, only a couple of nurses. One was preoccupied with paperwork while the other checked over supplies. He nodded towards the pair. “Boring day, Carson.”
“Aye, but I’ll not complain about that. They are rare enough,” Carson said, tightening the rubber tourniquet around John’s arm before tapping the vein on the inside of his elbow. “Let’s draw your blood first, then I’ll check you over.” A quick swipe with an alcohol swab and the needle was inserted, blood drawn seconds later. That done, Carson listened to his heart and lungs, having him breathe deeply a few times as the stethoscope moved around. A few pointed questions about his health followed. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine.”
“No dizziness or weakness after your last visit,” Carson asked. John didn’t really need reminding about the loss of blood he’d suffered but the good doctor was only concerned.
“No, I’m good. Looking forward to getting back out there.”
“Well, I’m sure your lab results will come back clean so that shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Thanks, Carson.” He planted his hands on the bed, ready to jump off. “We done here?”
“Aye, you’re good to go.” Carson turned to go, then stopped and John knew he hadn’t dodged the bullet. Turning back, Carson gestured to his office. “I wonder if you have a moment, Colonel.”
John’s head dropped and his shoulders slumped. Grabbing his shirt, he tugged it over his head and headed to Carson’s office flashing the doctor a smirk on the way by. “I knew that was too easy.”
Following, Carson slapped him on the back and smiled. “Well then, I’d hate to disappoint you.” Entering the office, he motioned for John to sit as he took a seat behind his desk.
Grabbing the chair, John gave it a quick flip of his wrist and turned it around. Straddling it, he sat down and leaned on the back as he asked, “What’s on your mind, Carson?”
Pulling his hands from his lab coat, Carson relaxed and got a little more comfortable. “I was wondering how you and Rodney have been doing. I haven’t seen him much. I think he’s avoiding me.”
“I think he’s avoiding everyone, don’t take it personally.”
Carson snorted, “I don’t take anything that man does personally. I don’t have thick enough skin for that. Is he avoiding you as well then?”
John shrugged. “I don’t think it’s so much avoiding me as…we both just need some time right now.”
“Aye, I know how difficult it can be,” Carson said, nodding in agreement.
“Yeah, that’s putting it mildly,” joked John, picking at the chair rather than look at Carson. He felt like a blushing 12-year-old.
“It gets easier, Colonel.”
John glanced up and met Carson’s eyes. “Does it? ‘Cause right now I’m not sure. I don’t get the whole bonding thing.”
“Has he fed again?”
“No!” That came out a little more forceful than he intended. Taking a breath, John scrubbed his hand through his hair. “I want him to, but it…okay it terrifies me.”
Eyes wide, Carson asked, “Why?”
“Why? Well the multiple orgasms are kinda freaky and then the whole control thing he’s got going.”
Carson shifted in his seat, leaning back as if in thought. “May I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer.”
John snorted, “Carson, I just told you about multiple orgasms. It doesn’t get much more personal than that.”
“True. I suppose it can’t get worse than that now can it?” chuckled Carson. “I’m going to assume that the feeding wasn’t your first time together.” John shook his head shyly, knowing his ears were already turning red. “Was he the same then?”
“No, he was more…” John hesitated, unsure how to describe Rodney during a feeding. Dominant made him sound like some sort of twisted whip-welding partner. Control freak was too strong.
Carson waved it off. “Never mind. Knowing Rodney, I suspect it is normally you that must start something. In most relationships, one person is generally the one that initiates things. Not always, but most relationships fit into a pattern of sorts.”
John found himself nodding. “I suppose. Why?”
“During a feeding, Rodney will do whatever he thinks you need and I can assure that it will never play out the same way twice. There will be times when your roles will be completely reversed depending on what your needs are at the time. During a feeding, it is not just about Rodney, although the feeding is. The rest of it is for you. At times that may seem overwhelming but…” Carson drifted off, lost in his own thought.
Leaning forward, Carson rested his elbows on the desk. “Let me ask you something.” When John nodded, Carson continued, “How did you feel just after he’d fed?”
“I felt very…” He couldn’t make himself say it, but he knew what it was. He felt-- loved, more than he ever had in his life. Rubbing his stubbled face, he could feel the heat of his blush under his hand. He gave Carson a quick look and the bastard flashed him a cheeky smile. John sighed, “Yeah, okay, I get it.”
Both of them sat quietly thinking for several minutes, until John broke the silence. “Does Radek get all protective of you? Do that possessive thing after he feeds?”
“Aye, I suppose it’s something in their nature. Much like a lion protecting its kill,” Carson grimaced at the analogy, but John shrugged. It fit. “It’s why he acted as he did on the planet and in the infirmary.”
“I know but… we got lucky this time, Carson. You knew what was happening. Next time... Someone else will eventually put two and two together and they’ll boot my ass out of here on charges.”
“There is always a risk. I would bring Teyla and Ronon in on it. They know about Rodney being a vampire and the feeding but they don’t know you share a bond. They could certainly help in the field. Keep Rodney at bay, so to speak. I don’t think it’s wise to hide it from them and they probably know more than you think they do. You might think about telling Elizabeth as well.” Carson grinned as he added, “You could help by not getting hurt so much.”
Laughing, John stood, returning the chair to its rightful place. “Wishful thinking, Doc.”
***********************************
The mission was a bust. Rodney didn’t think that things could get any worse after John had been sucked through the portal but apparently he was wrong.
He should have checked the readings more before they had let John enter the doorway. Rigging the camera on a stick and shoving it through the portal confirmed there was nothing on the other side and John had warily stepped forward. Ronon and Teyla tried to pull him back after John complained of pain, unable to step out of the portal but it was too late and Rodney had to scream at them to let him go, lest they be pulled in as well. It was the hardest decision Rodney’d had to make, letting John go through alone.
A quick look at the camera and finding the batteries dead, Rodney realized his error. Frustrated, he tried to explain about time dilation while grabbing a branch with fresh flowers to quickly check his theory. After twenty seconds in the portal the flowers came back brown and dried.
All of it meant that John had had plenty of time to find a way out considering the time that had passed inside the field but was somehow unable to return. Now Rodney was racing against time to get to John before he died of old age in a time dilation field.
While Rodney returned to Atlantis for help, Teyla had used the camera again to get a more accurate rate of time passage inside the field. Considering the time Teyla recorded on the camera, Rodney estimated that about six months had passed inside the field. It had taken numerous attempts to get every one to understand that time was critical and every second was taking hours from John. And Rodney could feel it…literally. It was like being on an emotional rollercoaster. Emotions slipped by so fast he couldn’t process them, leaving will only a vague sense of what John was going through.
He returned from Atlantis with Carson and Elizabeth. Lorne came, but stayed with the jumper, making sure at least one of them could return for help should the rest of them get trapped along with John. Rodney was fairly confident that once he entered the portal he could find the power source and shut down the field.
Only when they entered the portal, catching up to John’s time, did Rodney finally relax. Now at least he wouldn’t be wasting seconds while John’s life dwindled away. He’d been wound tight earlier and it must have shown because Carson pulled him aside as they hiked towards the life signs inside the dilation field. “How are you doing? Better?”
Rodney nodded, rubbing the heal of his hand over his forehead. “A big improvement over the hamster wheel.”
Carson frowned. “Hamster wheel?”
Making a circular motion with his hand, Rodney explained, “His emotions on speed dial.”
“Ah. You could still feel all that outside the field?”
“Umm. Yes. Very…” Again his hand twirled, looking for the right word, “fast.”
Rodney couldn’t even find it in himself to bitch about the hot sun and thick vegetation as he and Carson followed behind Teyla and Elizabeth, Ronon bringing up the rear. His thoughts were all on John and how it would go when they finally found him. After several minutes of silence, Carson asked quietly, “Have you spoken to Teyla and Ronon then?”
Lost in thought, Rodney startled, having missed the question. “What are you droning on about?”
Carson rolled his eyes. “Teyla and Ronon, have you talked to them?”
“I talk to them all the time, Carson,” Rodney retorted, checking his scanner as they walked.
Carson sneered back, “Cheeky bugger. You know what I mean.”
Rodney knew exactly what he meant, but he ignored him, burying his attention in the scanner hoping Carson would give it up.
No such luck. “Rodney, you really need to talk to them. I told the Colonel the same thing but he’s as bad as you.”
“I’ve already told them all about the vampire thing. Is it really necessary for them to know the rest?”
“You know it is, Rodney. Something could happen on a mission.” Carson paused, then whispered, “You could put his career in danger. Do you want that?”
Rodney’s shoulders slumped with dejection and he muttered, “Oh, that is so unfair.”
“Talk to them,” insisted Carson.
Looking over his shoulder to where Ronon was walking with Elizabeth and then forward to where Teyla was, he smirked at Carson, “Well, I can hardly do it now.”
Carson patted his arm, smiling. “Leave that to me.”
As Carson dropped back to join Ronon and Elizabeth, Rodney mumbled, “Sheep shagging bastard.”
“I heard that.”
Rodney griped over his shoulder, “You were meant to.” He watched as Carson spoke to the Satedan and whatever he said had him breaking from the group to join Rodney and Teyla.
Ronon slapped him on the back as he strode by, almost knocking Rodney off his feet. “Carson said you wanted to talk to us, McKay.”
Stumbling, Rodney might have fallen had Teyla not steadied him before he could do a face plant in the dirt. Rodney straightened and brushed his clothes indignantly. He growled at Ronon. “Barbarian.” The big oaf just grinned.
Teyla rolled her eyes and shook her head at the two of them as they walked. “You wished to speak to us, Rodney.”
“No, but Carson is making me,” grumbled Rodney, crossing his arms defiantly.
Teyla flashed him an annoyed look that would not bode well in his next stick lesson so he dropped his arms. “Fine.” They continued walking but Rodney had no idea where to even start the conversation.
“Rodney. Please,” he folded when Teyla used that tone. It spoke of frustration for an ill-behaved child.
Hands waving, Rodney began. “Okay, so you’re both up to date on the whole vampire issue but you should probably know the rest because I can’t say that it won’t happen again.” He looked at his teammates nervously. They both looked expectant, waiting for him to continue. “You know the whole part where I drank Sheppard’s blood and things went crazy. With his need to protect the universe and do stupid self sacrificing stunts it’s probably not beyond the realm of possibility that it could happen again. Not that I want that, but I’m just saying. He can’t stop himself and really it’s so idiotic that he can’t at least have a bit of self preservation, but no… He thinks it’s perfectly okay to…”
“Rodney,” Teyla said with that same impatient tone.
Rodney winced, “Sorry. Where was I? Right right. Anyway. I just wanted you to know that should he get hurt again and there’s blood I might not be able to control myself. We..um…have this sort of…thing going and I might want to…um…um.”
Ronon interrupted him. “Fuck his brains out.”
Blushing, Rodney stared at Ronon. “I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say…” Ronon stared back and Rodney caved. “Fine.” He gestured at the Satedan. “What he said. Only not. I can smell his blood and it makes me all crazy and I want to protect him and possess him and…” It hit him then and Rodney stopped suddenly, making Teyla and Ronon turn to see what was wrong. He frowned at them. “You know about me and Sheppard?”
Ronon just shrugged, smugly. Rodney glanced at Teyla who was smiling. “I believe we have known for some time that you and John were together.”
Trying not to panic, Rodney glanced over his shoulder to see that Carson and Elizabeth were still trailing and Carson seemed to be keeping her occupied. He grabbed for Teyla and Ronon and kept walking. Speaking in a low whisper, he stressed, “Look, no one can know that. Sheppard can get kicked out of the military and Atlantis if any one finds out that we are…”
Ronon chimed in, “Fucking.” The smile was unnerving.
Rodney sneered at him, “You just like saying that don’t you? Did Sheppard or the Marines teach you that one?”
Shrugging, Ronon grinned, “Good word.”
Teyla rolled her eyes. “Gentlemen. Please.” She put a hand on Rodney’s back, leading him forward. “Please continue. What can we do to help?”
“Right, right. Well, if he should get hurt and there’s blood you should probably try and take care of it rather than me and keep me away. As long as I don’t actually taste it, I should be okay. If it’s life threatening then you won’t have a choice but after…well, I might be a little protective towards him. Before when it happened, I reacted badly because everyone kept trying to separate us. It would help if others were kept from seeing because I know the last thing Sheppard needs is a bunch of Marines gawking at him. I know that I shouldn’t be asking but I don’t want to endanger John’s career and really this is more my fault than his and…” Rodney ran out of steam and couldn’t look at his teammates.
“It is fine, Rodney.” Of course it was Teyla that spoke first. “We will do what we can to protect both of you.”
Rodney looked up and smiled weakly, reassured by Teyla’s own smile. He dared a sideways glance at Ronon, who butted his shoulder. “Sure. We’re a team.”
Staggering, Rodney said in a gruff voice to mask his other emotions. “You never made it past the sixth grade did you?”
Ronon slapped him on the back in response and Rodney retorted, “This is what I mean. Right there. You can nod or say yes. I’m perfectly capable of understanding a simple response. If you keep hitting me, you are going to cause permanent damage and who will save you the next time we are faced with doom and destruction and you need someone with an IQ greater than your average primate.”
Eyes scanning their surroundings, ever alert to danger, Ronon ignored his rant. “So why haven’t you ever done the vampire thing when we were in trouble? Might have come in handy.”
Eyes wide, Rodney stared in disbelief. His voice rose an octave as he answered, “What and have you shoot me?”
“I wouldn’t have shot you,” insisted Ronon.
Rodney rolled his eyes and growled, “Might I remind you that you did in fact shoot me the first time.”
Ever the diplomat, Teyla added with amusement, “He has a point, Ronon.”
Ronon shrugged. “Is that the only reason?”
Rodney looked at him aghast. “The only reason? What more reason do you need? I didn’t want to get shot by my own teammates. First Sheppard then you. You’ll forgive me if I didn’t expose myself.”
“We understand, Rodney.” said Teyla. He thought maybe they did and he was glad he’d spoken to them. Maybe he could talk John into speaking to them as well. They might be able to offer some reassurances that Rodney couldn’t
The conversation came to a halt as they cleared the forest and found themselves in a large grassy field. Teyla took point and Ronon immediately dropped back to cover their six, letting Elizabeth and Carson get between them. If they hadn’t encountered anything in the forest it seemed unlikely they would have problems in the wide open but Rodney had learned not to second guess his teammates. He fell into step with Carson.
As they walked through the field, Rodney consulted his scanner when a thought occurred to him. “You know, I was just thinking: this entire field – I mean, not the field, I mean the field field…
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Anyway, another excellent installment. Thanks!
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I'm glad it's working for you.
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