Rules for a successful marriage.

[chaps1870]

As I approach my 16th wedding anniversary it occurred to me that I'm actually happy with marriage. It works. Why? Because I have him trained. 
For all of those that are newly married or have a difficult spouse consider the following for a successful marriage. 

 

1. At 2 in the morning, snoring like a fucking freight train, it’s not love that keeps you from smothering him in his sleep…it’s his paycheck.
2. He knows how close he’s come to being snuffed out by a pillow and strives to remain gainfully employed.
3. Men are whoredogs. Their entire existence revolves around getting laid.
4. Sex is a powerful motivator.
5. You put up with their bullshit for one reason, it’s too difficult to retrain someone new.
6. A spouse can be trained to do even the most basic chores. Refer to rule 4.
7. Eventually, they can be trained to take out the trash, do laundry, clean, and pick up after themselves with only occasional reinforcement. Refer to rule 4.
8. If he cleans the house as a surprise for you he knows he’s getting laid. Do not admit that you know why he cleaned the house, it makes him defensive and resentful. Thank him and reward appropriately. If spouse has never spontaneously cleaned your house than you are putting out way too much and need to re-evaluate your training methods. Refer to rule 4.
9. Bad behavior should never be rewarded. Apply negative reinforcement for bad behavior. Refer to rule 4.
10. A spouse does not buy you gifts on holidays, birthdays and anniversaries because he loves you. Refer to rule 4.  
11. With patience, you can train your spouse to be loving, sensitive, romantic and well-behaved. Refer to rule 4.
12. The longer you’re married the less guilty you feel about taking advantage of rule number 4.

 

Comments

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

LMAO! so true, having been married myself. *smooches you*

[chaps1870.livejournal.com]

It came to me at 2 in the morning as I struggled with my pillow.

Glad you enjoyed it.