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Title: Unspoken Part 3
Author: Chaps1870
Pairing: Rodney/Carson
Rating: R for language
Summary: John finds out that Rodney is gay and it tests the bonds of friendship.
Disclaimer: They belong to someone else, I’ll return them when I’m done….maybe. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Chapter 3
John Sheppard lay in bed trying to find his way to the surface, the drugs in his system doing their job too well. His hand didn’t hurt anymore, in fact he wasn’t sure he even had any hands at the moment. Beckett must have really used some of the good stuff. Something about Carson was nagging at the edge of his consciousness and he concentrated, trying to draw it closer. Memories flirted with him but before he could question the wrongness of them, the drugs reclaimed him.
The next time he woke his head was much clearer. There was silence around him and the lights in the infirmary were dimmed low. It was probably nighttime in Atlantis. Scooting up on the bed, he looked around for any sign of activity. In the bed next to his lay Rodney, tubes and machines hooked up to the pale scientist. At McKay’s bedside was Doctor Beckett, watching him sleep. His eyes widened when he saw Carson’s hand entwined in McKay’s and it all came rushing back. Feeling himself blush, he turned away quickly and moaned when his hand brushed the bed.
It was enough to get Beckett’s attention, who reluctantly rose from McKay’s bedside. His tone was cool, but professional as he asked, “How are you feeling, Major Sheppard?”
Carson wasn’t too happy with all that he’d heard about the mission regarding Rodney. It was probably a good thing the major was his patient right now, because it was the only thing keeping Carson from going after him. There was no doubt Rodney could protect himself but right now he was lying in bed recovering from surgery and Carson wanted very badly to take his anger and frustration out on someone. At the moment that someone happened to be Major Sheppard.
Sheppard watched him warily as he approached, trying hard not to back away when Beckett checked all his vitals. Nodding towards McKay’s bed he asked, “How’s he doing?”
“He’ll have a rough few days but barring complications he should be fine.”
Swallowing hard, the Major frowned, “Complications?”
“Yes, Major, complications. His appendix burst just as we were preparing ta do surgery. We have him on antibiotics hoping he doesn’t develop peritonitis.”
John hesitated slightly before asking, “Did walking make it worse?”
Carson snorted in annoyance, “You can save yourself the guilt trip, Major. I doubt the walking aggravated his condition other than causing him a lot of unnecessary pain.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought he was just being McKay. You know how he complains.”
“So I heard.” Carson did a final check on the machines and dismissed the Major curtly, “I’ll release you in the morning.” Turning his back, Carson returned to Rodney’s bedside.
Slipping his hand in Rodney’s again, Carson watched as he tried to open his eyes. They fluttered few times and he leaned closer, his hand cupping Rodney’s face as he spoke softly, “Come on then, luv. Open ‘em for me.”
Rodney’s voice was dry and scratching, “Car…son. Thirs…ty.”
“How about some ice chips?” Reaching for the cup, Carson scooped a few out and feed them to him. Letting his hand rest lightly against Rodney’s cheek, Carson smiled when he leaned into his touch. “Better?”
Closing his eyes, Rodney let the cool moisture slide down his throat. “Thanks.” His voice was weary and he eased back into sleep. Glancing over to see that the Major was sleeping, he leaned closer and dropped a light kiss on Rodney’s forehead, “Love you.”
He was startled when the Major spoke up, his tone not a good one, “How long have you two been… um… you know?”
Carson turned and reached out for the privacy curtain, “That is none of your business, Major.” Yanking the curtain shut, he effectively stopped any conversation regarding Rodney and himself. He was having a hard time coming to terms with what he’d done and no doubt Rodney was going to be upset with him. They’d managed to keep their relationship secret all through Antarctica and up until now it hadn’t been a problem. Rodney insisted they remain discreet, knowing the military frowned on such relationships. Although neither man was technically in the military they did have to associate with them on a day to day basis. Carson wasn’t all that worried about people knowing but Rodney had been adamant about it, and admittedly he had reason to be concerned, he’d been bashed more than once over the years and his fears were well founded.
Still…Carson found it hard to believe that an operation such as Atlantis would have a contingent of people that were so narrow minded. Regardless, he’d conceded to Rodney’s wishes and they’d kept it in the closet, until now.
*******
Rodney was in and out of it for a couple of days and thankfully the antibiotics were doing their job. Teyla and Ford both visited regularly, keeping him company even when he wasn’t aware of their presence.
“Why can’t I have real food, Carson?”
Smiling at his patient, Carson countered, “That is real food.”
Lifting his spoon, Rodney let the broth drip back into the bowl. He scowled at the Doctor, “This is liquid nutrition, nothing more. It in no way constitutes real food.”
Carson sat at the edge of the bed, grinning. “Quit your bitchin’ and eat, Rodney. Maybe if you’re good I’ll see about moving you up to soft food.”
Rodney dropped his head into hand, still moping, “Oh goody…” His sarcasm was cut short by Teyla and Ford’s entrance and he brighten considerably, “Tell me you brought some real food?”
“I am sorry Doctor McKay, but Doctor Beckett threatened us if we even considered it,” said Teyla, sincerely sorry she could not help him. Ford just snickered. Rodney looked around them, his face showing disappointment when he failed to see Sheppard. The two visitors looked at Carson, who closed his eyes a second and gave a barely discernable shake of his head. They turned the conversation to more light hearted events, avoiding the Major’s absence.
Every time Rodney tried to ask someone, one of them changed the subject until he finally he snapped, “Alright! Is someone going to tell me why Major Sheppard is avoiding me?”
Ford bounced nervously and Teyla looked at Doctor Beckett for guidance. Carson nodded towards the door and Teyla took her cue, “We will leave you to discuss it.”
Bending over McKay, she touched her forehead to his. “Get well, Doctor. We will return later.” Ford offered his own farewell, “See ya Doc. Hope you’re feeling better.”
He watched them leave and turned on Carson, “What are you trying so hard to keep from me?”
Sitting on the bed next to him Carson began hesitatingly, “Major Sheppard went to Elizabeth and asked that you be removed from the team…”
Shocked, Rodney interrupted him, desperately pleading his case. “Look I said I was sorry for breaking his hand. Surely he knows it was an accident. I…I…had a pain and I slipped.” His eyes grew distant at the memory and the guilt he’d felt because of it.
Carson shook his head sadly. “That’s not the reason he wants you off his team.”
“Then what, Carson? Why the sudden change?” Rodney paused, bewildered and hurt. “I thought we were friends.”
Friends…Carson saddened at Rodney’s fallen face. It had taken him a long time to get close enough to Rodney to find all his hidden insecurities. He was as loyal as any man, even more so than most if he decided you were worthy of his trust. It wasn’t something he gave lightly but he’d given his team his trust. Being a part of Sheppard’s team was, in Rodney’s eyes, his greatest accomplishment. Despite his protests about being out in the field he loved the chance to be a part of something special, to know that it was his team that was making a difference. Carson watched as it all come tumbling down on top of Rodney and he added reassuringly, “Before I tell you I want you to know that Elizabeth refused him, you’re still a part of the team.”
Rodney stared blankly over Carson’s shoulder, shaking his head, “What did I do?”
“It wasn’t you, luv. It was me.”
“Huh?” Rodney frowned, thoroughly confused.
Taking a deep breath, Carson explained, “When we were in the Gateroom, when you got back from the planet…I shoulda been more careful. You were just hurtin’ so much and I wanted ta hold you so bad and try to make it better.” Closing his eyes, he stopped and sighed, “I let it slip that you and I were…together.”
His eyes wide, Rodney stuttered, “As in they know we are… gay?”
Dropping his head, Carson nodded, “Aye. I’m sorry. It just happened.”
Letting go a deep breath, Rodney slumped back on the bed, blindly reaching out his hand to Carson, “It’s not your fault. I… needed you. I let the whole day get to me.” He opened his eyes and looked at Carson. “I just wanted you to hold me. Make it go away.” Carson held his hand, caressing it softly as Rodney relaxed. Just as his breathing eased, he sat up suddenly. Groaning painfully, he grabbed his stomach, crying out between breaths, “God, that was stupid.”
Carson moved quickly, holding Rodney as he took in several deep breaths against the pain in his side. “Not one of your more brilliant moves, luv.”
“Thank you Carson, your sympathy is overwhelming,” sniped Rodney, letting him help as he lie back down.
“What pray tell was that all about?”
Pausing to think, Rodney opened his eyes and lifted up only enough to look at him. “I was going to ask if anyone was giving you a hard time.”
Shaking his head, Carson answered with a cheeky grin, “The grapevine is runnin’ rampant but no one has mentioned anythin’ ta me.”
Rodney was quiet for several minutes before speaking, “So Major Sheppard has a problem with my being gay and asked Elizabeth to remove me from his team, only she said no?”
“Aye, that’s the gist of it.”
“Well won’t going back to work be a joy for me. Maybe I should just quit the team.”
“Ya know ya canna do that Rodney. You’d never forgive yourself. Maybe he just needs time to adjust.”
“I thought he was a friend.” Closing his eyes, Rodney’s voice wavered, “I guess I was wrong.” Yawning, he tried to stay awake, but his eyes drifted shut and moisture gathered on his lashes. Sighing, Carson watched him sleep for several moments, resisting the urge to go find one Major Sheppard and beat some sense into the man.
Elizabeth walked in at that moment and seeing her, Carson rose to intercept her, not wanting to wake Rodney. “How is he doing?”
“Better. I had to tell him what is going on.”
“How did he take it?”
Crossing his arms, Carson stared back towards the bed Rodney was lying in. “Not well. He feels betrayed. Oh he doesn’t say that, but I can see it in his eyes.”
“I never expected John to react so strongly,” she said. “When Rodney is feeling up to it, I’d like to see how he feels about staying on the team. After this last trip he may feel differently.”
*********
John stalked the lower corridors of Atlantis trying to get his mind around recent events. He never would have suspected Rodney and Carson in a relationship if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. It rankled him that his best friend on Atlantis was gay and he didn’t know about it. Weir knew, but he hadn’t a clue. He’d shown up in her office almost as soon as he was released from the infirmary demanding McKay be taken off his team but she refused.
“I can’t remove him from the team just because he’s gay.”
Surprised by her nonchalance, it struck him. “You knew.”
She nodded, “I’m in charge, Major. Of course I knew.”
“And you never saw fit to tell me,” he countered.
“Why should I? His and Doctor Beckett’s relationship is no different than any other on this base. As long as it doesn’t interfere with their duties than it shall remain none of my business.”
“See that’s what I’m saying. I can’t take a chance it will interfere. My team is at risk here.” Resting his elbows on her desk he leaned forward. “To be blunt, I can’t have him risking our lives if his attention is…somewhere else.” What he didn’t say was, if he’d looking at my ass, even though that was what he was thinking.
“Rodney has handled himself admirably up to this point considering he has had no military training to speak of.”
“Yeah well it sure explains a lot now that I know…I mean the way he reacts every time things get a little hairy. The way he…”
Elizabeth interrupted, her voice stern. “I think it’s best if you don’t finish that line of thought, Major.” Her tone left no room for argument, letting him know he was very close to stepping over the line. “I will NOT allow your prejudices to dictate this mission, nor will I allow any of its members to suffer because of them. Doctor McKay has performed just fine up to this point and I can see no reason to justify his removal from your team. Do I make myself clear?”
John bristled, “Yes, ma’am.”
“I will speak with Rodney after he’s feeling better to find out if he wishes to remain on your team Major. After the way you treated him on this last mission, he may not want to stay.” John knew he was being reprimanded for his behavior and wisely took the subtle dressing down without comment. He’d tried to convince himself it was the pain that made him act as he had, but as commanding officer there was no excuse for ignoring McKay’s complaints. He was so used to Rodney’s complaining he hadn’t really taken the time to question the validity of his symptoms. He liked McKay, liked his sense of humor, his unwillingness to back down and in the time they’d been on Atlantis he found himself making friends with the arrogant scientist…best friends even. Now he found himself wondering about McKay and it hurt.
Sadly, he no longer felt comfortable in Rodney’s presence, wondering if he would say or do something that could be misconstrued as more than friendship. He was pissed off that McKay had taken away the camaraderie they shared. How was he supposed to continue on pretending it didn’t exist? Pretending that Rodney wasn’t gay? The military had a no gay policy for a reason. How could you trust the soldiers at your back if you were constantly worried that it wasn’t your back they were watching? Besides McKay wasn’t even a soldier, the man could barely shoot a gun. He had no business being out in the field. There were just too many variables that could get a man killed and being gay was at the top of John Sheppard’s list. He'd been bitten in the ass before. He wasn't going to let it happen again.
Author: Chaps1870
Pairing: Rodney/Carson
Rating: R for language
Summary: John finds out that Rodney is gay and it tests the bonds of friendship.
Disclaimer: They belong to someone else, I’ll return them when I’m done….maybe. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Chapter 3
John Sheppard lay in bed trying to find his way to the surface, the drugs in his system doing their job too well. His hand didn’t hurt anymore, in fact he wasn’t sure he even had any hands at the moment. Beckett must have really used some of the good stuff. Something about Carson was nagging at the edge of his consciousness and he concentrated, trying to draw it closer. Memories flirted with him but before he could question the wrongness of them, the drugs reclaimed him.
The next time he woke his head was much clearer. There was silence around him and the lights in the infirmary were dimmed low. It was probably nighttime in Atlantis. Scooting up on the bed, he looked around for any sign of activity. In the bed next to his lay Rodney, tubes and machines hooked up to the pale scientist. At McKay’s bedside was Doctor Beckett, watching him sleep. His eyes widened when he saw Carson’s hand entwined in McKay’s and it all came rushing back. Feeling himself blush, he turned away quickly and moaned when his hand brushed the bed.
It was enough to get Beckett’s attention, who reluctantly rose from McKay’s bedside. His tone was cool, but professional as he asked, “How are you feeling, Major Sheppard?”
Carson wasn’t too happy with all that he’d heard about the mission regarding Rodney. It was probably a good thing the major was his patient right now, because it was the only thing keeping Carson from going after him. There was no doubt Rodney could protect himself but right now he was lying in bed recovering from surgery and Carson wanted very badly to take his anger and frustration out on someone. At the moment that someone happened to be Major Sheppard.
Sheppard watched him warily as he approached, trying hard not to back away when Beckett checked all his vitals. Nodding towards McKay’s bed he asked, “How’s he doing?”
“He’ll have a rough few days but barring complications he should be fine.”
Swallowing hard, the Major frowned, “Complications?”
“Yes, Major, complications. His appendix burst just as we were preparing ta do surgery. We have him on antibiotics hoping he doesn’t develop peritonitis.”
John hesitated slightly before asking, “Did walking make it worse?”
Carson snorted in annoyance, “You can save yourself the guilt trip, Major. I doubt the walking aggravated his condition other than causing him a lot of unnecessary pain.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought he was just being McKay. You know how he complains.”
“So I heard.” Carson did a final check on the machines and dismissed the Major curtly, “I’ll release you in the morning.” Turning his back, Carson returned to Rodney’s bedside.
Slipping his hand in Rodney’s again, Carson watched as he tried to open his eyes. They fluttered few times and he leaned closer, his hand cupping Rodney’s face as he spoke softly, “Come on then, luv. Open ‘em for me.”
Rodney’s voice was dry and scratching, “Car…son. Thirs…ty.”
“How about some ice chips?” Reaching for the cup, Carson scooped a few out and feed them to him. Letting his hand rest lightly against Rodney’s cheek, Carson smiled when he leaned into his touch. “Better?”
Closing his eyes, Rodney let the cool moisture slide down his throat. “Thanks.” His voice was weary and he eased back into sleep. Glancing over to see that the Major was sleeping, he leaned closer and dropped a light kiss on Rodney’s forehead, “Love you.”
He was startled when the Major spoke up, his tone not a good one, “How long have you two been… um… you know?”
Carson turned and reached out for the privacy curtain, “That is none of your business, Major.” Yanking the curtain shut, he effectively stopped any conversation regarding Rodney and himself. He was having a hard time coming to terms with what he’d done and no doubt Rodney was going to be upset with him. They’d managed to keep their relationship secret all through Antarctica and up until now it hadn’t been a problem. Rodney insisted they remain discreet, knowing the military frowned on such relationships. Although neither man was technically in the military they did have to associate with them on a day to day basis. Carson wasn’t all that worried about people knowing but Rodney had been adamant about it, and admittedly he had reason to be concerned, he’d been bashed more than once over the years and his fears were well founded.
Still…Carson found it hard to believe that an operation such as Atlantis would have a contingent of people that were so narrow minded. Regardless, he’d conceded to Rodney’s wishes and they’d kept it in the closet, until now.
*******
Rodney was in and out of it for a couple of days and thankfully the antibiotics were doing their job. Teyla and Ford both visited regularly, keeping him company even when he wasn’t aware of their presence.
“Why can’t I have real food, Carson?”
Smiling at his patient, Carson countered, “That is real food.”
Lifting his spoon, Rodney let the broth drip back into the bowl. He scowled at the Doctor, “This is liquid nutrition, nothing more. It in no way constitutes real food.”
Carson sat at the edge of the bed, grinning. “Quit your bitchin’ and eat, Rodney. Maybe if you’re good I’ll see about moving you up to soft food.”
Rodney dropped his head into hand, still moping, “Oh goody…” His sarcasm was cut short by Teyla and Ford’s entrance and he brighten considerably, “Tell me you brought some real food?”
“I am sorry Doctor McKay, but Doctor Beckett threatened us if we even considered it,” said Teyla, sincerely sorry she could not help him. Ford just snickered. Rodney looked around them, his face showing disappointment when he failed to see Sheppard. The two visitors looked at Carson, who closed his eyes a second and gave a barely discernable shake of his head. They turned the conversation to more light hearted events, avoiding the Major’s absence.
Every time Rodney tried to ask someone, one of them changed the subject until he finally he snapped, “Alright! Is someone going to tell me why Major Sheppard is avoiding me?”
Ford bounced nervously and Teyla looked at Doctor Beckett for guidance. Carson nodded towards the door and Teyla took her cue, “We will leave you to discuss it.”
Bending over McKay, she touched her forehead to his. “Get well, Doctor. We will return later.” Ford offered his own farewell, “See ya Doc. Hope you’re feeling better.”
He watched them leave and turned on Carson, “What are you trying so hard to keep from me?”
Sitting on the bed next to him Carson began hesitatingly, “Major Sheppard went to Elizabeth and asked that you be removed from the team…”
Shocked, Rodney interrupted him, desperately pleading his case. “Look I said I was sorry for breaking his hand. Surely he knows it was an accident. I…I…had a pain and I slipped.” His eyes grew distant at the memory and the guilt he’d felt because of it.
Carson shook his head sadly. “That’s not the reason he wants you off his team.”
“Then what, Carson? Why the sudden change?” Rodney paused, bewildered and hurt. “I thought we were friends.”
Friends…Carson saddened at Rodney’s fallen face. It had taken him a long time to get close enough to Rodney to find all his hidden insecurities. He was as loyal as any man, even more so than most if he decided you were worthy of his trust. It wasn’t something he gave lightly but he’d given his team his trust. Being a part of Sheppard’s team was, in Rodney’s eyes, his greatest accomplishment. Despite his protests about being out in the field he loved the chance to be a part of something special, to know that it was his team that was making a difference. Carson watched as it all come tumbling down on top of Rodney and he added reassuringly, “Before I tell you I want you to know that Elizabeth refused him, you’re still a part of the team.”
Rodney stared blankly over Carson’s shoulder, shaking his head, “What did I do?”
“It wasn’t you, luv. It was me.”
“Huh?” Rodney frowned, thoroughly confused.
Taking a deep breath, Carson explained, “When we were in the Gateroom, when you got back from the planet…I shoulda been more careful. You were just hurtin’ so much and I wanted ta hold you so bad and try to make it better.” Closing his eyes, he stopped and sighed, “I let it slip that you and I were…together.”
His eyes wide, Rodney stuttered, “As in they know we are… gay?”
Dropping his head, Carson nodded, “Aye. I’m sorry. It just happened.”
Letting go a deep breath, Rodney slumped back on the bed, blindly reaching out his hand to Carson, “It’s not your fault. I… needed you. I let the whole day get to me.” He opened his eyes and looked at Carson. “I just wanted you to hold me. Make it go away.” Carson held his hand, caressing it softly as Rodney relaxed. Just as his breathing eased, he sat up suddenly. Groaning painfully, he grabbed his stomach, crying out between breaths, “God, that was stupid.”
Carson moved quickly, holding Rodney as he took in several deep breaths against the pain in his side. “Not one of your more brilliant moves, luv.”
“Thank you Carson, your sympathy is overwhelming,” sniped Rodney, letting him help as he lie back down.
“What pray tell was that all about?”
Pausing to think, Rodney opened his eyes and lifted up only enough to look at him. “I was going to ask if anyone was giving you a hard time.”
Shaking his head, Carson answered with a cheeky grin, “The grapevine is runnin’ rampant but no one has mentioned anythin’ ta me.”
Rodney was quiet for several minutes before speaking, “So Major Sheppard has a problem with my being gay and asked Elizabeth to remove me from his team, only she said no?”
“Aye, that’s the gist of it.”
“Well won’t going back to work be a joy for me. Maybe I should just quit the team.”
“Ya know ya canna do that Rodney. You’d never forgive yourself. Maybe he just needs time to adjust.”
“I thought he was a friend.” Closing his eyes, Rodney’s voice wavered, “I guess I was wrong.” Yawning, he tried to stay awake, but his eyes drifted shut and moisture gathered on his lashes. Sighing, Carson watched him sleep for several moments, resisting the urge to go find one Major Sheppard and beat some sense into the man.
Elizabeth walked in at that moment and seeing her, Carson rose to intercept her, not wanting to wake Rodney. “How is he doing?”
“Better. I had to tell him what is going on.”
“How did he take it?”
Crossing his arms, Carson stared back towards the bed Rodney was lying in. “Not well. He feels betrayed. Oh he doesn’t say that, but I can see it in his eyes.”
“I never expected John to react so strongly,” she said. “When Rodney is feeling up to it, I’d like to see how he feels about staying on the team. After this last trip he may feel differently.”
*********
John stalked the lower corridors of Atlantis trying to get his mind around recent events. He never would have suspected Rodney and Carson in a relationship if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. It rankled him that his best friend on Atlantis was gay and he didn’t know about it. Weir knew, but he hadn’t a clue. He’d shown up in her office almost as soon as he was released from the infirmary demanding McKay be taken off his team but she refused.
“I can’t remove him from the team just because he’s gay.”
Surprised by her nonchalance, it struck him. “You knew.”
She nodded, “I’m in charge, Major. Of course I knew.”
“And you never saw fit to tell me,” he countered.
“Why should I? His and Doctor Beckett’s relationship is no different than any other on this base. As long as it doesn’t interfere with their duties than it shall remain none of my business.”
“See that’s what I’m saying. I can’t take a chance it will interfere. My team is at risk here.” Resting his elbows on her desk he leaned forward. “To be blunt, I can’t have him risking our lives if his attention is…somewhere else.” What he didn’t say was, if he’d looking at my ass, even though that was what he was thinking.
“Rodney has handled himself admirably up to this point considering he has had no military training to speak of.”
“Yeah well it sure explains a lot now that I know…I mean the way he reacts every time things get a little hairy. The way he…”
Elizabeth interrupted, her voice stern. “I think it’s best if you don’t finish that line of thought, Major.” Her tone left no room for argument, letting him know he was very close to stepping over the line. “I will NOT allow your prejudices to dictate this mission, nor will I allow any of its members to suffer because of them. Doctor McKay has performed just fine up to this point and I can see no reason to justify his removal from your team. Do I make myself clear?”
John bristled, “Yes, ma’am.”
“I will speak with Rodney after he’s feeling better to find out if he wishes to remain on your team Major. After the way you treated him on this last mission, he may not want to stay.” John knew he was being reprimanded for his behavior and wisely took the subtle dressing down without comment. He’d tried to convince himself it was the pain that made him act as he had, but as commanding officer there was no excuse for ignoring McKay’s complaints. He was so used to Rodney’s complaining he hadn’t really taken the time to question the validity of his symptoms. He liked McKay, liked his sense of humor, his unwillingness to back down and in the time they’d been on Atlantis he found himself making friends with the arrogant scientist…best friends even. Now he found himself wondering about McKay and it hurt.
Sadly, he no longer felt comfortable in Rodney’s presence, wondering if he would say or do something that could be misconstrued as more than friendship. He was pissed off that McKay had taken away the camaraderie they shared. How was he supposed to continue on pretending it didn’t exist? Pretending that Rodney wasn’t gay? The military had a no gay policy for a reason. How could you trust the soldiers at your back if you were constantly worried that it wasn’t your back they were watching? Besides McKay wasn’t even a soldier, the man could barely shoot a gun. He had no business being out in the field. There were just too many variables that could get a man killed and being gay was at the top of John Sheppard’s list. He'd been bitten in the ass before. He wasn't going to let it happen again.